❂ Left Handed Cigarette ❂ // Van McCann

11.

I had fallen asleep in the car and only started waking up to the abrupt sound of the engine being turned off.
We walked in a comfortable silence to his door, hands lazily wrapped together.

Once Van opened the door I automatically made my way over to his room. I was tired from everything that happened, what it had revealed, and what I knew that revelation was going to lead to. Frankly I just didn't think I was ready to deal with it tonight.

Van came in behind me. He looked so handsome, the heat in his room making his cheeks warm and his eyes glossy. I smiled at him, my hands resting behind me as I sat on his mattress.

He made his way towards me and directed me to stand up with his right hand before tugging at my collar and removing my jean jacket. He dropped it on the floor.
I turned around to allow him access to the zipper of my dress. I could feel his hand lingering on my skin as he zipped it down.

I couldn't help the goosebumps from appearing on my tan skin as I heard my dress hit the floor.
It was weird, he had been so gentle with me since the bar.

I sat on his bed again, I felt so comfortable in that moment, just watching him making his way around his room. His back was faced towards me as he slipped off his jeans before turning around and taking off his t-shirt.

He walked towards me, his knees grazing mine as he put the shirt over my head. It was huge on my small frame but I liked it that way anyway.
I was happy that he wanted me to wear his shirt. He probably knew how it made me feel.

My eyes started drooping as I looked at the clock on his night table. It was 2:34 am and I was fucking knackered.
He ruffled his hair and lifted me off of the bed, his hands gripping the back of my thighs unintentionally.
He lifted the covers and simultaneously placed me down in his bed before turning off the light and slipping in beside me.

I felt all my back muscles untensing and I couldn't help but sight in relief. I felt so content.
Van then placed his hands on my waist and pulled me in closer to him. I found the crook of his neck and smiled sleepily as his hot breath hit my back.

I placed a kiss on his jaw and went back to my prior position. I then traced small circles on his torso and fell asleep to the sound of weak snores coming from the boy next to me.

-------

I woke up the next morning to Van talking in a hushed tone on the phone.

"Yeah Bondy mate I told yous already, I'll be there. I'll go to yours and help with the gear-" he said seeming annoyed as his band mate chattered on across the line.

I turned my body and wrapped my arms across his waist.
He smiled down at me and played with my hair while continuing the phone call.

"Yeah..yup I've got all the stuff. Listen I'll call you later yeah?..Yes she might be here..Oh fuck off."

And with that he hung up, a smirk tugging as his lips as he lifted the covers over his head and clung to my body. His hair was tickling my exposed stomach.

"What are you doing down there you git." I started warningly, struggling to contain my giddiness.

"Nothing.",he mumbled before running his finger along my stomach.

"You're belly button is very inward." He pointed out.

I just laughed as he started poking it.

"I have a little beauty spot inside it actually." I spoke with a hoarse voice.

He lifted the duvet and inspected it closer,

"Fucking hell yeah, it's so small." He said with a laugh.

"Stop fondling with it." I said jokingly and turned around so I was lying on my stomach.

"I wasn't fondling." he retorked with a smile, before reaching for his phone and laying his head on the small of my back.

I looked out of the window pensively, I could really do with a smoke but decided against it, I didn't want to get out of the comfortable position I was in.

I knew that we had to talk about things, but I was terrified to say the least. I wanted him to be mine and even though our lives were moving fast, I couldn't bear the thought of not being with him.
I was going to have to be honest and if he didn't feel the same it wouldn't have been meant to be anyway.
I didn't even care about it ending bad anymore. Fuck it, I wasn't gonna let him slip away because I was too prideful to do anything.

I could handle him going on tour, we would make it work if his band ever got that serious. It's not like I needed him around all the time, I had been single before I could do it again. And as long as we were on the same page it would be fine.
Or maybe I was being dumb to think of all this.

There was really only one way to find out.