The celebration in the Capitol isn't fun. There's a huge party and tons of people are invited. I have to dance with anyone and everyone who wants to dance with me. I've got the creeps, though, because we're in President Snow's ballroom, and I'm pretty sure he wasn't pleased with me over the whole incident in District 2.
As a drunk man at least 40 years old spins me again, I banish the thoughts and excuse myself from his presence. I linger over by the food, testing pieces and hoping Marie will show up.
As I eat a piece of greasy chicken, Marie comes up to me and peels off a piece of my chicken. One thing about Marie is that she's a victor with quite an appetite, and I find it both hilarious and impressive.
"Mmm! This is good!" She exclaims, and gets a real piece for herself. Then she looks at my face and changes the subject. "So, how're you doing?"
"Fine," I say, since it's pretty dangerous to talk about how I'm feeling out in the open. She sees the look on my face as she takes a big bite of her chicken.
Chew, swallow.
"We'll talk tomorrow morning, okay?" She whispers, and walks away, bouncing to the beat of the music.
I smile and shake my head. Marie is such a happy-go-lucky person, even after being scarred from the arena. It's like... an inspiration. She didn't turn to alcohol or morphling or smoking to escape the thoughts of the arena. Instead, she buries the horror with kindness.
Later on, Baily collects everyone and finds me last. "Come on, Johanna," She says. "It's time to go."
She escorts me out, and I say goodbye to everyone who does to me, congratulating me on my victory.
As I lie in bed that night, all I can think of is my dumb speech in District 2. I wish I could take it all back. I probably made the families feel worse. I'm such a horrible person. Why can't I be more like Marie? Kind and caring and happy and filled to the top with love. For Marie, it's glass half-full. To her, every cloud has a silver lining.
To me, it's glass half empty. In fact, I'd just pour the whole glass out onto the floor with how horrible I am, and throw it in the trash can.
I'm hoping to get some sleep when someone knocks quietly and lightly on the door. I open it slowly.
My eyes widen, but his stay perfectly still. He doesn't even blink.
"Hello, Johanna!" He says, and he and a man walk in without my permission. The man is possibly 40, an alcoholic with a stubbly beard and weakened muscles.
"Hello, President Snow," I say as calmly as possible. "What's the problem?"
"This is Garrison." He gestures towards the man, who he smirks and winks.
"And...? Why am I meeting Garrison?" I ask.
"Garrison is going to be your company for the night," He says, very sly and seductive-like.
My eyes widen. No, no, no. I'm not going to do this.
"Um, President Snow, I'm really tired tonight and I can't really-"
"Have a fun night with Garrison," Snow says, and gets up to leave. I step in front of him to stop him. Even though I hate him, he can't leave me alone here with 'Garrison'.
"What?" He asks. "Do you not want to?" He asks.
"No. I'm not going to," I say fiercely, shaking my head so he knows I mean it.
He seems unfazed, probably knowing this was coming. "Well, then. Come, Garrison."
The door clicks shut behind them.
My nightmares are scary. They're full of truth: Snow. What if he's brainstorming ideas to kill my family at this very moment? In my dreams, they've been hooked to a wooden board and people throw axes at them.
I wake up screaming my head off.
Breathe in, Breathe out.
I'm so scared, that could really be happening. That last small goodbye I gave could've been my last. It wasn't enough - If I never see them again, that good-bye just won't cut it.
It's overwhelming wanting to be in District 7, holding onto my family tight and never letting go, telling them I love them no matter what and thanking them for always loving me, through thick and thin. So very overwhelming, because I know I can't be there, and the next time I see them will probably be when I'm sitting in the graveyard by their stone.
Oh, God, no.
Please, President Snow. Kill me. Please don't kill my family.
As a victor, I have strength. But not enough to stop him. It would take every District to bring down the Capitol. One girl can't do it by herself, everyone else in the Districts are too afraid to even try and take a stand.
How is it possible I am the only one who is willing to fight and risk her life for her freedom? How is it I am the only in all of the Districts willing to take a stand? I can't be. I know I can't be.
So why don't we already? There has to be thousands of people like me who fantasize about what it would be like to be free from the Capitol: Their harsh rules, demands for supplies, thoughtfulness ways, and, of course, the Hunger Games.
There has to be, right?
Or am I insane?
In the morning, I walk downstairs and Marie has a worried expression on her face.
"What is it?" I ask. She hands me an crisp copper envelope sealed with a golden colored sticker. Definitely someone from the Capitol. I head back up to my room to read it in privacy.
Carefully, I peel off the gold sticker and pull out the letter inside.
I read every word.
Oh, no.
I read it again, word for word.
Oh, no, please, be a dream.
One more time.
Oh, no. Oh, God, no.
I break down on the ground and the envelope and letter fall to the floor. On my knees, I press my face against my palms.
How could he do this? What an evil human.
I'm gasping for air. I can't carry on in my life knowing this.
Why would someone do such a thing?
I wish this was a nightmare.
It's real. It's true.
President Cornelious Snow killed my family.
