Who does he think he is? I lay in bed all night, just trying to find an answer. I'm supposed to be taught interview strategies but I don't want to. I'll do it tomorrow, anyway
He thinks I'm an ugly, fat bitch. He thinks he can control me. He thinks... he thinks... He's got a dirty mind. That's all.
He says, "We may only have one chance to do this." That's what he's thinking about? Not surviving. Not what the arena is going to be like. He says, "It's alright, Johanna." But it's not.
I hate Amarack. I feel like an idiot. For kissing him that night. For forgiving him. We have a love/hate relationship, but that was the last straw. We started with about 100, and he took out about 98 when he called me an ugly, fat, bitch.
Then one more by me when I ran away. Then that last straw was pulled out last night.
I shove the blankets off the bed and hop down. Dress in the outfit Yemenda left out. Have an avox serve me a breakfast, because I'm not going down there to eat.
"Thank you," I say, even though I'm not supposed to. She nods and smiles.
Baily comes to my door. "Rise and shine, Johanna!" She says all sing-song like. "It's time for breakfast!"
No response from me. She knocks. I don't respond. Tries to open the door, but I've locked it. I hear her heels tap-tap-tapping as she calls.
"Marie! Marie! Come quick!"
"What's the matter? Where's Johanna?" I hear Marie respond.
She unlocks the door and I lay under the covers, scratching my arms like I've been all night. They're bleeding painfully by now all over, but I couldn't care less.
Blight and Marie burst through the door. Amarack follows, I see through my tiny peephole. I'm gasping for air, feeling lightheaded from the bleeding that refuses to stop in my arms.
Marie pulls down the covers. Baily is standing in the corner like a scared puppy, with her hands over her mouth.
"Johanna..." Marie whispers quietly.
"What's going on?" Blight bellows.
Marie flips over my arms and gasps. Amarack is standing above me, and I shut my eyes. I don't want to be around him at all.
Amarack grabs my wrist. My eyes fly open.
I want to pull back. His eyes are closed, mine are wide open. But he's still holding my wrists and I won't be able to escape and if I do and provide more embarrassment for me and him.
And this is my room. So I squeeze my eyes shut. I guess you could say he's a good kisser but I'm hating this because I don't want to hurt him.
He lets go and wraps his arms around my waist, carrying me to my bed, probably to put me to sleep.
"Amarack, I-" He puts his finger on my lips.
"Shh..."
He lays me down, but instead of leaving, gets on top of me and puts his hand under my shirt. I gasp.
I start to scream my head off as the memories resurface.
"What is going on?" Shrieks Baily.
"Get him off!" I scream, and shake and pull. I'm being hysterical.
"Marie, why is she so-" Blight is cut off by another round of my screams.
Amarack kisses me-again! I can't stand it. Pulling away, I flop onto the bed, but he's still got one of my wrists. Using my other bloody knuckle, I punch him as hard as I can across the face. He releases my wrist.
