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Chapter Thirteen

Monday, July 2, 2018

The six days that led up to the afternoon when I received a letter from Kither University were filled with a sort of anxiety I have never felt before. They were torturous. I was waiting for the news that may very well change the rest of my life, but time only seemed to slow.

In the midst of cleaning tables in the diner or helping customers at the bookstore, I couldn't help but wonder if the next couple months would bring opportunities that I couldn't even imagine yet into my life. If I was accepted into either Kither or JTB, what doors would be opened? How would my life change? How would my future be altered?

Those questions ran unanswered and wild through my mind. No amount of dinner at the Porter's, coffee with Blaire, FaceTime with Daniel, or song writing at the piano could shake my attention from the blaring sign in front of everything that everything may change. Very soon.

Last Saturday when I arrived at the Levels Complex after returning from my afternoon at the bookstore, I checked my mailbox to find a letter from Kither. I didn't open it until I was upstairs and when I did, I held my breath, only slightly, but still.

The administration committee thanked me for my entry and application, but I was not accepted into the school.

No matter how many times I told myself not to, before the letter arrived I still had hope that I would attend Kither. No matter how many times I told myself I shouldn't be sad, I still felt the sting of being rejected from the school I've always dreamed of going to.

I close my apartment door and lock it before making my way to the stairs that lead down to the main level of the complex. I really don't feel like working today and almost consider walking right back upstairs, but force myself to move on instead.

As a habit that I've formed over the past couple days, I check my mailbox on the way out. My heart rate picks up.

Just the Beginning Editing and Publishing Company is printed on the front of the letter that is sitting on top of the small pile of mail.

I fumble to pick it up and try not to spiral into a crazed state when I can't rip open the glue sealing it together in fear of absolutely demolishing it. Finally.

I read the first line, willing my racing thoughts to slow down enough to process what the typed text says.

Kai Merta,

The administration committee of Just the Beginning Editing and Publishing Company is pleased to say that you have been accepted into our program.

I look away from the letter while tears of pure relief and joy spring to my eyes. I silently thank God for giving me the courage and strength to apply even though I was afraid of the result.

I also thank Daniel, dear, sweet Daniel, for making me believe in myself. Goodness knows that if he hadn't read my book and encouraged me, I wouldn't have even applied.

I look down.

When I read the rest of the letter, the joy slips away as quickly as it came.

***

I glance at the clock. 8:14 p.m.

Figuring that the boys won't be busy this time at night, I pick up my phone and call Daniel.

Over the past couple days, we've been talking over FaceTime, but for some reason, I don't want to see his reaction when I tell him the news. Or, maybe I don't want him to see me....

He picks up after the third ring.

"Hello!" he sings. I hear noise in the background of the call and realize he's most likely with the boys.

Despite how I'm feeling, I laugh lightly at his flamboyant greeting. 

"Hey, Daniel."

"What's up? Got news?"

"Um... yeah. Yes. I do."

"Really? You don't sound very excited," he says, concerned.

I can tell he has exited the loud room. His line is silent as he waits for my hesitant reply.

"Well, I'm not... not really. Let me explain."

"Alright."

"This morning when I checked my mailbox, a letter from JTB had arrived...."

"And?" he says. I hear the hopeful tone of his voice.

"And... I've been accepted."

"Kai, that's amazing, I knew you could—"

"Daniel," I say firmly, cutting him off. He senses the unease in my voice.

"What?"

"That was only the beginning of the letter. The rest holds news that's pretty much bad."

He remains silent.

"Since I applied and have been accepted so late- only three weeks before the course begins- there are no more dorms on campus available."

"What does that mean for you?"

"I was expecting to stay on campus, but now, that's not possible. So, that means I have to move to L.A. Okay, I was planning on doing that anyway, but the problem is, once I get there, I'm not going to have a provided place to live. I'll have to purchase an apartment or stay in a hotel or something, but I don't have money. The work that I do only pays for my things at home, and they're not exactly high end jobs."

"Kai, I don't... know what to say...."

I sigh.

"I don't know what to do," I say, running a hand through my hair, before continuing.

"On top of that, all who accept the offer to attend JTB must be at the mandatory orientation day on the twenty-fourth of this month. That means I have three weeks. I have three weeks to figure it all out. And if I don't... this opportunity is out the window."

Daniel sighs, frustrated.

"I'll pray," he says. "I can't see what God's trying to do in your life or what he's trying to show you, but he's in control, not us."

I hum, agreeing.

"Thank you, Daniel," I say quietly after a period of silence.

"You're welcome, Kai. And I know you don't want to hear this right now, but I'm beyond proud of you for making it into that school."

Minutes later, I set my phone facedown on my bed, making a decision.

I'm going to contact my mom. I haven't done so since last Christmas when I offered her to come back home to visit. She didn't come, sending a simple email saying she had too much work.

I feel terrible that the only reason I'm crawling back to her is because I need financial help, but I grab my laptop and begin to draft a letter to her containing my jumbled thoughts anyway.