Vacant Eyes & Butterflies(Frerard)

Chapter 13-The pain of not knowing

Chapter 13

The pain of not knowing

           

Running away with Gerard wasn't something that I had put too much thought into; my unexpected temptations, however changed once I saw my mother's face.  Once I finally decided to go home it was nearly 10 pm. My mother was leaning against the kitchen counter, staring at the clock on the microwave; the lines in her face appeared deeper than before, and her once dark brown hair now evidently salt and pepper.

I didn't spend all my time at Gerard's house, but usually when I did go home, my mother was either working or in bed. I hadn't felt this guilty since I had murdered Mikey. My mother was getting older, and it showed. One day I wouldn't have her here with me anymore. I'd been paying more attention to a man who would remain the same age for the rest of his life than my own mother. And I hated myself for it.

"Frank..." she breathed out. "You're home." She tiredly smiled at me.

I kicked my shoes off. "Yeah, sorry I had to work late tonight." I lied.

She licked her lips. "Honey, you know you can tell me the truth right?"

"What do you mean?" I raised a brow. "I was at work."

She pursed her lips for a moment. And I felt so fucking sick. Oh god, I loved my mom so much, why was I lying to her? I probably could tell her about Gerard and how I was falling in love with him, but then she'd want to meet him, and that alone would be a fucking shit show.

My mother never properly met Jamia, mostly because my mom was one of those moms who took pictures of fucking everything. My mother had stacks of photo albums somewhere in the attic, and I fucking knew that if she heard that I had a boyfriend, she'd show him my baby photos. I didn't exactly want Gerard to see baby Frank in a diaper.

Also, for my mother's sake, meeting Gerard would be a fucking terrible idea. Gerard had hallucinations that came without any sort of warning... and homicidal tendencies. The two didn't mix very well, and I couldn't bear the thought of something happening to my mother. Other than Gerard, she was all I really had. Yes, I had Pete and Ray as well; but since Pete moved to Wilmette with his mother we had drifted apart. Perhaps that's why I had been distancing myself from Ray as well. What if Gerard found out that I had taken Mikey away from him? What if he took my mom, or Ray away from me as some sort of revenge?

I shook my head, trying to rid myself from those thoughts; Gerard could never do such a thing. We were meant to fall in love, and he said he would get better. Things would be okay, right?

"I went to the bank today, Frank. Since you decided to drop out of school and get a job, I figured that you could help out with bills. I wanted to see how much money you were bringing in so we could budget together. It's getting difficult paying for things." She took a sharp breath, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

Suddenly, I felt sick. The aforementioned was enough to churn the bile in my stomach; my breathing was shaky, and I knew exactly what was coming...

Fuck.

"And since you still are 17, honey... I still do have control over your bank account." She paused for a moment. "But the bank told me that you don't have any form of income. So please, allow me to understand." She was using her mom voice, oh god...fuck, fuck, fuck... "What the hell have you been doing everyday Frank Anthony?"

"What were you doing snooping through my bank account mom? Mind your own damn business." I regretted the words as soon as they left my mouth.

Her eyebrows drew in together, and for a couple moments, she just stared at me. "I am your mother, Frank. And as long as you live under my roof, it shouldn't matter. You are still a child."