THE BOAT TRIP: Stampy And Squid

Suicide

--SQUIDS POV--
It was nine hours before Joe and I would arrive in New Zealand.
I sat in my cabin, playing the keyboard quietly.
Improvisation: it's a tool any musician has, a tool they use to escape from reality. They can do absolutely anything. They can create the most beautiful song out of their heads.
And that's what I was doing.
Just, improvising. Literally and metaphorically.
If you play B flat, D and F with your right hand with a bass on the left hand of B flat, you get one of the most beautiful chords that I had ever heard.

Joe and I hadn't spoken, I heard him speaking to Harry Ardtole on his own upstairs. Joe and I simply couldn't face seeing each other. Not because I hated him.. But because it broke my heart.

My phone rang, it was Harry.
My face was a mess, my eyes were bloodshot and my shirt was undone.
I answered the call, turning off the camera.
"Hello?" Harry called,
"Hello Mr Ardtole." I sighed.
"Why, why can't I see you?" He asked.
"Well, since I have never seen your face I reckoned that I should turn the camera off." I said.
"You know Joseph said exactly the same thing." He said. I was shocked, another tear fell from my eye. "Are you two okay?" He asked.
"M- me and Joe. Oh we're fine." I gulped.
"You aren't. I can tell. Turn the camera on." He said.
"We'll be in Auckland in about seven hours." I said, avoiding the topic.
"Turn the camera on, David."
"Turn yours on, Harry!" I begged. Crying, "I won't turn mine on." I promised.
"David. What happened?" He asked.
My jaw shivered. I couldn't tell him. Ruin our reputation. Embarrass both of us.
"Too much." I sighed. "Far too much."

After our call ended I saw Joe's face protrude into the bedroom. It was night, after all.
"I'm not sure it's appropriate that we share a bed." I whispered. My eyes watering.
"Sorry, I just couldn't help but notice.." He walked over beside me and looked at the piano.
"When you think nobody can hear you.. I listen. I always listen. And it's beautiful." He said.
My jaw shook and my eyes tensed.
"Know that I will always listen. Always."
I hugged him. I didn't want to end the boat trip early, I didn't want to go home- this boat was my home! It was one of the few places in the world that I felt comfortable in. That I could sleep without worrying. But now.. Was I ready to get on an 8 hour flight to Singapore, then a fourteen hour flight home.. Home to the cold, snowy Yorkshire which I came from.

My phone rang. It was a phone call from Lily. What did she need?
"Excuse me." I said to Joe, picking up my phone as he walked out of the room.

"Hello Lily?" I asked,
"D-David is-s is that you?" Lily weeped,
"Slow down, Lily, what's wrong? What happened?" I asked. Immediately alerted.
"S-Sarah." She cried.
"Sarah? What's wrong with Sarah? Is she okay?!" I called. I saw Joe slowly making his way back into the room with an anxious face.
"She's gone." She cried.
"Gone?!" My mouth dropped. "Lily where is she?"
Lily continued to cry, "Lily where is my daughter!" I repeated.
"After you! She's on her way to Auckland s-she ran out and got a flight a couple hours ago I couldn't stop her!"
"Why?! Why couldn't you stop her?! Why is she after me?!"
"She spent ten years with her mother, she wants to spend the next ten with her father-"
I covered my mouth with my hands. "Lily get the next flight to Auckland. They take about 6 hours, right? When was her flight?"
"It was at 11pm, so she'll arrive in about five hours." Lily said.
"Oh god.." I sighed, terrified for my daughter, "okay I'll keep in touch. You and Peter take the next flight.
"Peter and I aren't-"
"Please don't explain just go." I said. Hanging up. I rested my face in my hands.

"Mate." Joe intruded. As I buried my eyes in my hands. Staring into the blackness.
He put a hand on my back.
"Sometimes it's just too much." I whispered, my hands were wet with tears. "I just want everything to stop. I've had enough."
"You will get through this." Joe said.
"You always say that." I muttered.
"And you always do! You always get through everything! The Somalians, your dad, your brother, your daughter, your family, everything!"
"Maybe I get through it physically, but emotionally- I'm not okay! I'm really not okay! Those two Somalians that were dead in front of my eyes! My dad, my brother, betraying me! Leaving my mother! Trying to kill her! Then getting me arrested because they were just far too clever! That time you tried to kill me! Seeing Eva get shot! Hiding from you for weeks! Finding out the girlfriend I had that died isn't dead?! That's what goes on in my head! Every single day! And now my daughter is missing! She's trying to find me! Is this not enough to make someone want to just... Stop..?"
"Is that what you really want? To just stop?" Joe said.
I nodded. I wanted to be gone. To not have to worry. To leave.
"So when your daughter comes to the port to find you I'll be sitting on the deck in tears, telling her that her father is dead. That she travelled all this way to find her dad, dead. Dead before she ever got to know him. And our poor old lonely boss with spend a day defending me in court. And your mother will have no one. No one."
A tear fell from my face, suicide was selfish. I couldn't just leave my family. They needed me, more than ever. I had to speed up the engines, I needed to get to Auckland before Sarah.