The Secret

Dating Life

Scarlett and I have been dating for two weeks now. It's been great. She has been very supportive through everything. The doctors have put me on chemotherapy to see if that will help. The surgery wasn't my first choice, but if it doesn't work I have to get it.

Scarlett and I were at home listening to our favorite song, Secret Love Song part 2 by Little Mix. I dedicated this song to her. We dance to it all the time. She hums along to the song, and if it ends she'll still be humming, and we'll still be dancing. I love this girl so much. I'm scared to tell her though. I don't want to seem like I'm moving too fast.

We played the song on repeat and danced like we never had before. She looked into my eyes, and I stared back at those beautiful emerald orbs. They were so breathtaking. She was breathtaking. We were in the middle of the song when she asked me something I didn't expect to hear.

"Holly, why haven't we had our first kiss?"

I didn't even realize. We haven't had our first kiss, and we've been dating for a bit. I told her I never kiss on a first date, but for this long. It just never crossed my mind.

"Honestly I don't know Scarlett. It just never crossed my mind. I want to but I'm just scared."

"What are you afraid of?"

I turned my head and shied away like I normally do in these situations. Scarlett isn't one to take no for an answer though. She grabbed my chin and lifted my face level with hers. She looked intently into my eyes.

"What are you afraid of?" she asked again.

She had tears in her eyes. I hurt her. I'm hurting her not showing my feelings. Hurting her is breaking my heart. I can't stand seeing her in pain. What's worse is she's in pain for me.

"I'm afraid that it won't be as special as I want it."

She raised her eyebrow. She didn't know what I was talking about. I felt myself blush as I said it.

"Our first kiss. I'm afraid it won't be as special for you as it will for me."

Her expression softened. She had the biggest grin on her face.

"Why?"

"Because you're more experienced than I am, Scarlett. You know what you're doing. I've never kissed, I know it's not going to be good."

She grabbed my face and put her forehead on mine. We stayed like that for a while. It was so peaceful being here with her.

"Holly, I don't care if you are the best or the worst kisser in the world. I want to give you your first kiss. I don't want you to feel rushed. I want us to do it when we're both ready."

"Are you ready?"

She smiled. "Yes, I'm ready. I'm willing to wait for you as long as you need me to. It can be tomorrow or a year from now. I'll wait for you. I love you, Holly."

OMG, she said it. She said it. I broke down crying. I was so emotional. I was afraid to tell her how I felt, but it turns out she loves me just as much as I love her.

I did something unthinkable. I grabbed her and pushed our lips together. She seemed surprised at first but quickly took control. She kissed me so passionately. I tried to follow her movements. Her lips were so soft and sweet. It was like nothing I'd ever felt before. This was amazing.

People always say there are fireworks, but it's not like that. It's just a rush of feelings coming over you. I love kissing her. She is the only one I want to kiss for the rest of my life. She is just so amazing.

We finally pulled away to catch our breath. She had the biggest smile on her face. She was three shades of red. I bet I was a million shades.

"Well, what was that for?" Scarlett asked me.

"To show you how much I love you too."

She teared up and we kissed again. It was just so passionate and slow. We sat on the couch and then it started getting a little heated.

She started feeling my body. Her hands went up my hips, to my sides. It felt so good. She moved up my back to my hair. The way her fingers traveled through my hair made my skin crawl. Her hands moved slowly and we kissed so passionately that I felt like I was about to explode from the love I felt.

She kissed my neck and I moaned a bit. She smiled at me as she brought her hands back to my hips. She rubbed them and kissed up and down my neck. She slowly slid them to my butt. Oh, it felt so good. I've never felt like this. It was scary but good. I couldn't help it now. I was letting out the strangest sounds I'd ever heard before. She rubbed my thighs. Then she kissed my collarbone.

I let out a small squeak. She tensed and stopped. I lost all those good feelings. I was breathing so heavily I didn't notice before. She looked at me and she had a guilty expression.

"What's wrong?" I asked her.

She didn't say anything, she just shook her head and walked away. I followed her into the kitchen. I hope I didn't do anything wrong. I'm the one who started the kiss. This is all my fault.

"What's wrong Scarlett? What did I do?"

The guilt left her face and was replaced with burning anger. I hit a nerve. She came up to me so fast and planted her lips to mine. Tears streamed down her face.

"Nothing, don't you ever, and I mean ever, think that you did anything wrong. You didn't. Nothing is wrong. I'm mad at myself."

I was confused. Why would she be mad at herself? She had no reason to be mad.

"Why, you didn't do anything?"

She looked up at me with her tear-stained eyes. The green shined even brighter. Those eyes could be the death of me.

"Yes, I did! You were trying to have your first kiss making it passionate and lovely. My heart tried to make that happen, but my brain wanted more. I saw you and you look so beautiful. I had to feel what it was like to have you in my arms. I loved it. The more I got, the more I wanted. Holly if I would have kept going we would have both been in our underwear."

I was shocked. She was protecting me. She wanted more but stopped because of my feelings. I'm not ready to go all the way. I've never been that far before. She knew that, and she respected it. If she didn't she wouldn't have stopped. This showed me how much she loves me.

"I'll tell you when I'm ready. You'll be my first. I want to Scarlett I do. I'm just not ready, I'm sorry."

I shied away again. She looked intently at me and she said everything would be okay, and that I shouldn't apologize for how I felt. She kissed me again, but we both had control of ourselves.

"I love you, Scarlett."

"I love you too Holly."

*later... *

We sat on the couch and watched TV, and talked. We planned a beautiful date soon. I just hope everything goes well, unlike last time.

"Holly I want to meet your family. When am I going to meet them?"

"How about tomorrow after our date?"

"Okay, that would be great. Wait, do they not know your are gay?"

Oh man I forgot all about that. I'm going to have to tell them. I'm tired of hiding it anyway. I've found a beautiful girl and I'm going to tell the world I love her. I'm not ashamed of her, or our love, and I'm going to make sure everyone knows. I just hope my family accepts me...