baby steps | ✓

twenty-one

SONG: IF THIS IS LOVE-RUTH B

       Athena had practically run to Clarissa's place in a span of ten minutes, her knuckles rapped on the door quickly, tears had flowed down her face and leaving silver trails across her pale cheeks. She breathed in heavily, something felt lodged in her throat as she tried to calm her breathing down. She had no idea what to do, she felt embarrassed, rejected and ultimately stupid. Standing in front of her friend's door and crying her eyes out after what had happened had made her feel more stupid than ever. How could she have told him that? It was obvious that he didn't like her back, so why did she say it out loud? He didn't regret the kiss, but he didn't like her. Was she being played? Had he fooled her into thinking that he'd like her back? She couldn't help but feel ashamed at the whole ordeal. She just wanted to sleep and cry for the rest of the week, but she had to stay strong for Drew's sake.

   She furiously wiped her tears away, knowing that by the time Clarissa opened that door, she'd break down again. She felt so disappointed in herself that it wasn't worth trying to cover her pain up as the door opened to reveal her friend who she immediately jumped onto so she could cry onto her shoulder. Clarissa seemed aback by the sudden gesture, but as she heard the sobs, she shut the door and ushered a disoriented Athena inside. Clarissa rubbed her back gently, trying to soothe her large choked sobs. Something had happened to make her cry so loudly and something cracked inside of her, knowing that Athena was in pain.

    "It's okay, let it out Athena, you're alright," she whispered into her ear, rocking her back and forth as the tears from Athena had dampened her shirt to the point where she could feel it underneath two layers. Athena was shivering from the cold and the sobs that seemed to flow through her body. Clarissa felt useless, not knowing what to do as she let her cry in the crook of her neck and her broken cries which echoed throughout her apartment. Athena's eyes tightened as her tears continued to flow down her face and onto Clarissa's shirt, her mouth spiralling downwards as she could feel every ounce of energy she had in her, leave her and into the wind where all her hopes were. 

    She didn't understand what she did wrong to deserve a pain, the way Alejandro's face looked surprised, not saying any word as her confession hung in the air on a thread, never to be fully comprehended. She had kept a mantra going throughout her head as she cried. 'Be strong, stay strong, live strong,' it had little, to not effect on her as she continued to render herself into a useless puddle. 

    "I'm s-so s-t-t-upid C-c-claris-sa," she choked out, barely recognisable as her throat felt dry and lips quivering with every sob that wracked through her body. Her heart breaking every second, her mind repeating the scene over and over again until each second was latched onto her brain and will forever scar her mind.

     Clarissa felt a wave of sadness wash over her, knowing well of what could have happened to make Athena cry so much. She wasn't much of a crier unless something big had happened, perhaps a kiss or a confession that was rejected? Nothing was for certain though until she sat Athena down and had a talk with her, it was unlike Athena to rush to a friend for help and now standing there with her arms wrapped around her friend, she knew how terrible she must be feeling.