Boy in a Girl's Body

Chapter 22

One of the biggest fears that any queer person has to face, if and when they ever decide to come out, is losing the people they love. In fact, that reason is why some people choose to never venture out of the closet at all; hurting their family would be more than they could justify, and the risk of losing those closest to them greatly outweighed the benefits.

Of course, I worried about this before I came out, but eventually, I got to a point where there was no reason for me to stay hidden about who I was and what I wanted. I swear to God, I have no idea what I would have done if my parents had kicked me out onto the street. Every morning that I shuffle out to breakfast, I remember how lucky I am to have such accepting parents, and how so many others like me were forced from their homes the day they came out and were instantly disowned.

It was hard to swallow at first, but my family was doing the best they could to understand and accept Eli, while slowly letting go of Stephanie.

Ashley’s more or less acceptance of what direction my life was taking gave me new strength to face things again. The next day, I was out of bed early and even got to school earlier than normal, heading straight to the library. I wasn’t seeking Wendy out, exactly, if I ran into her here that was cool, and if not, at least I had plenty of novels to keep me busy.

Ms. Giest breaks into a huge smile when she seems me squeeze in the door. I can tell she was worried about me; she gets close to students, and always seems to know what’s going on outside of her own little world. It was like she had better access the grape vine than I did.

“Eli, how nice to see you back here, I was worried when I didn’t see you yesterday, thought something might have gone wrong.” She levels me with a knowing gaze, referring to my locker meets face incident. Her kind eyes do a quick sweep, and once she sees that I am, indeed all in one piece, she turns her attention to books that need to be checked back in.

One thing I love about Ms. Giest – she never wastes words. She gets to the point, she’s quick and blunt, but she means well, just don’t cross her and you’ll have no issues.

I nodded and headed down to the YA fiction section, my eyes just wandering over the spines, not really looking, just enjoying being surrounded by books again. There’s just something so calming about being in a bookstore or library, it’s just so…zen. There are so many different worlds to visit, so many things to learn; you never know which book will be the one that changes your life, changes the way you see yourselves and everyone else. That’s what I love about books – there’s always more than what meets the eye.

And I can definitely relate to that.

I’m making my second sweep of the section when I hear a familiar voice, only much more quiet bubble up from behind me.

“Hey, Eli. How…how are you?” I didn’t turn to face Wendy; I just kept my eyes on the titles, making myself look busy with scanning the shelves.

“Fine.” I stated simply, pulling a random book off the shelf and reading the inside flap, trying to loose myself in the words tucked away there. I was shit with social situations in general, and I had zero experience when it came to dealing with girls. Sadly, being raised as one didn’t help me here.

“I’m sorry, okay about…the other day. I mean…just-“

“Listen, Wendy it’s fine. I get it, really I do. I’m complicated and getting involved with me would be messy and that’s not something you want. I’m not mad. I understand, trust me, I’m not taking it personally. I’d just rather not mention it again, okay?” I turned to face her then, only to see her brown eyes blaze with anger. She took a step closer to me, narrowing her eyes.

“Don’t go putting words in my mouth, Eli. You have no idea what I’m thinking, or feeling so don’t pretend like you do. For the record, I don’t think you’re complicated; you’re just different than most guys, and I thought you were smarter than to jump to conclusions about things without talking to me first. I guess I was wrong. When you’re ready to be a man and talk to me about what happened, I’ll be around.” She spun on her heels and stomped away from me, leaving me in a state of blissful shock.

I was wrong about how she felt, yeah she was mad…but maybe she really did like me after all.