Why It Ends

Chapter 4 - She's Back

Did you ever got into a horrible relationship where everything you thought would give you happiness turns out to be just a great jinx in your life? 

Cause I did.

Maybe some of us is currently experiencing nightmares with their relationship, some may experience paradise, some may just be exploring their options, and some maybe little by little is already being broken. There is no perfect relationship, there is no a perfect ending, there is just this reality shit that we know

Some of us already moved on  and some are just holding on

This is what I'm currently experiencing right now, its like I'm in a silver linings between letting go and holding on, I'm on a verge of setting him free. Its like the space we've both created became a black hole that's slowly swallowing me whole. Its like nothing will be left but fragments of those happy memories. 

Wait....Happy memories?

Maybe after all of the things that just happened I dont know the meaning of happiness, the state of being and feeling happy, is being numb part of being broken? Cause at this moment I feel nothing. I feel like a big empty shit

I know its my fault, thats what everyone's telling me, that is what his telling me! He told me that I'm the one who drifts away, I'm the one who falls out of love, I'm the one who don't understand, I'm the witch at their picture perfect family setting

I feel so desperate at him loving me back again, I'm so desperate to start our relationship all over again, I'm so desperate at fixing everything back to the way it was and now this is my consequence, being broken

Will someone save me from this mess? 

Will there be anyone who will be willing to teach me how to feel again?

I hope there is...

"Lucy? Lucy! Mag focus ka nga! Kailangan mo nang magdesign ng mga bagong dress! Mygod! Hindi ka naman dati ganyan! Kasalanan to nung lalaking yun eh!"

Julia was always shouting at me whenever I'm facing out, I'm trying my hardest to design a new line for my company but everything that I draw doesn't satisfy me, everything I draw feels so dull, feels so empty, feels so dark

"Lucy hindi lamay ang gagawin mong fashion show for your new line! Summer ang theme okay!? And for Pete's sake isang taon na ang nakalipas hindi ka pa rin makamove on?!"

I looked at her with amusement, 1 year... I didnt know that its been a year since everything happened. For that whole 1 year I felt like a zombie with a same routine of waking up in the morning and going to bed at night, and she's right, I need to fix myself if I want to fix everything around me. I'm not just like any other woman around the corner. I'm THE Lucy Alvarez