Unbroken

Chapter 20

Frigga didn't know what to do with this information. Odin had met Loki after the war? The war a thousand years ago? She stood there for a moment in silence, not sure what to say or do.
"What- what happened? Why did you give him back to laufey?" She asked more calmly. Odin sighed a bit and sat in a chair, Frigga took a seat as well.
"Right after the war I went to the temple to make sure we weren't leaving any men behind, that's when I saw Loki. He was a baby, maybe a few days old. I thought laufey had left him to die so I picked him up and tried to decide what to do with him, but before I could make a decision Laufey came and asked for him back. The war was over Frigga, what was I supposed to do? I didn't think he'd raise him like that, I thought he'd raise him to be the next king, I thought the only danger was him growing up and trying to kill Thor, I didn't even consider that Laufey would abuse him like that" while Odin explained Frigga looked less angry and more heartbroken, now they both shared the guilt and regret of leaving Loki on Jotunhiem "I considered killing him and ending a threat before it started, but I knew that would be murder, I considered taking the boy here and raising him myself, but that would have been kidnapping since the war was over, so the only option was to return him to Laufey. I thought it was the right thing" he said, he was getting a burden off his chest, but it was hard to tell someone that he'd left a baby to suffer that kind of abuse.
"You have to tell Loki" Frigga said after a long silence.
"Why? He doesn't need to know" Odin said.
"He deserves to know. Especially because he has flashes of you in his sleep, he should know the truth" Frigga told him.
"The truth will only bring him more pain" Odin argued.
"Telling him the truth would show him that we're different. All his life he's been treated like a stray dog. He's been abused and beated, he's afraid to ask a question, he's afraid to answer a question, he thinks that everything has a double meaning or is some kind of trick, he's never even had a meal at a table, he's been starved and beaten and lied to his whole life, he's never had someone treat him like a person. We need to tell him the truth so he knows that he is seen as a person here, not a slave or a pet or a stray animal" Frigga told him, feeling tears in her eyes as she talked about Loki. "Please Odin, please tell him" she said in a pleading tone. Odin was quiet for a minute, Frigga was right, but this could easily backfire.
"Alright... I'll tell him, it's the right thing to do" he finally said "where is he?" He asked.
"Thor took him outside again, apparently Loki is fascinated by the sun" she said "I was going to show him to his own room today, why don't you do that and you can explain things to him once you show him around his room" she suggested. Odin wasn't sure Loki could handle that much one-on-one time with him, but he'd give it a try and hope that Loki doesn't pass out with fear.
"Alright. I'll go get him now then" he said as he got up and left the room.
Odin went outside and saw Thor showing Loki around the training grounds, a few people had stopped to look at Loki, wondering who he was, but Thor always waved them off and they left them alone. Loki was trying to pay attention but he was more fascinated by the sun and the fact that the outside air could be warm. the only two temperatures Loki had ever experienced was extreme cold when he was working outside, or extreme heat when Laufey spent the day burning him. He'd never felt the comfortable middle.
"Thor, would you mind if I had a few minutes with Loki?" Odin asked as he approached them. Thor nodded a bit but Loki looked pretty terrified. Was he in trouble for talking so much at breakfast?Odin looked to Loki.
"Don't worry, I just want to show you to your new room" he said as he took over helping Loki stand. Loki didn't look any more reassured, he was sure that by 'room' Odin meant 'cell'
As they walked back inside and toward the room that Frigga had had prepared for loki, Odin didn't say much at all, he figured he'd wait until they were in the room and Loki was more comfortable before dropping that kind of truth on him. After a few minutes they got to the room, it was about the same size as Thor's which was quite a bit bigger than Friggas other room that Loki had been staying in.
"Alright, this is you" Odin said as he brought Loki inside the room. Loki's feet had stopped working as soon as his eyes settled on the (to him) enormous and far too luxurious bedroom, so Odin had to drag him a step or two before he could regain his footing.
"This- is- you want- what do- what do you mean?" Loki asked in disbelief. Odin didn't know why he was so wide eyed, to him this room wasn't anything special, it was just a typical royal bedroom, the kind he had grown up in. he didn't think anything of the huge window doors leading to a balcony, the bed that could comfortably fit at least three people Loki's size, the thick soft rug the laid next to the bed, or the bookshelf that took up an entire wall. To Odin all of this was Perfectly normal, and maybe even a little bit subpar. But to Loki, who had grown up in a dungeon where the most comfortable thing to sleep on was a few old rags, this was a room for a god. He'd be afraid to touch anything.
"I mean this is your room" Odin answered as he brought Loki in and had him sit down on the bed. Loki was a bit tense, he didn't want to mess up the bed that was perfectly made, but he didn't fight Odin when he had him sit.
"This- it- this can't be- my room" Loki said as he looked around with shock on his face.
"Why not?" Odin asked
"It's- nice" Loki said simply. There wasn't anything wrong with this room, it was comfortable and warm and inviting, it can't possibly be his.
"You'll be having a lot of nice things now Loki" Odin said as he pulled over a chair and sat down. "That's why we brought you here. So you could have a better life" he explained. Loki was too stunned to speak, he just kept looking around the room and touching the bed in disbelief. Odin let him take it all in for a few minutes before he spoke.
"I'll show you around so you know where things are, but first I need to talk to you about something" he said. Loki immediately shifted all his attention back to Odin.
"I'm- I'm sorry I- talked at- at breakfast" he stuttered nervously. "I won't do it again" he added quickly. Odin put a hand on Loki's shoulder, Thor had done that a few times and Loki was starting to equate the gesture to kindness, so he calmed down a little bit, feeling that maybe Odin wasn't going to have him punished.
"We all want you to feel free to talk, you can talk as much as you want" Odin said "and I'm going to give you a better answer to that question you asked me" he told him. Loki looked eager and stayed quiet.
"You did see me Loki, when you were a baby. Right after the war ended" he went on to explain everything that had happened that day, how he found him, what Laufey said, what his thought process was, and why he made the decision he did. Loki listened but gave little indication of what he was thinking or feeling, he didn't know what to do with all of  his information, he had never had anything explained like this before so it was very unfamiliar. After a few minutes Odin finished talking "I'm so sorry Loki, if I had known laufey was going to treat you like this I wouldn't have let him keep you" he said after he told the story. Loki was quiet for a moment, trying to think of a proper response. He felt his stomach knot up inside and he felt a little queasy, Odin had been there right at the start of his life in hell, he didn't know what to think or feel anymore, he wished Odin had taken him away, or at least killed him to put him out of his misery, but instead he was forced to life a life of pain and torture.
Odin could see that he was trying to think about too many things so he stood up "I know you're probably angry and confused, so I'll leave you alone. If you want to talk more about it you can come to me at any time, I won't force you to talk by coming to you" and with that he left he room. As soon as Odin was gone Loki felt himself become very weak all over, he wanted to collapse on the floor, he wished he didn't ask about it, he wanted to be angry but he knew he shouldn't, he wanted to scream but he knew it wouldn't do anything. He breathed hard as he put his head on his knees, he felt his eyes stinging, but he knew tears were against the rules- well, they were on Jotunhiem , who knows what the rules were here? He certainly didn't, he felt like he didn't know anything now.
He looked down at himself, he was skinny and weak and his whole body was shaking. He was covered in scars and bruises, and he knew that no matter what, people would only ever see him as a stray dog that needs to be watched. He's not a person, he's not anything, he was nothing but a frightened creature that laufey had made him, unable to speak to someone without feeling sick.
he wished Odin hadn't left him on Jotunhiem , but at the moment he didn't wish Odin had adopted him either.
"I wish he had killed me" he said to himself as he held his head in his shaky hands, trying to swallow his emotions.