Unbroken

Chapter 18

Frigga was in the room right next to Loki. In fact, the room Loki had been sleeping in was connected to Frigga and Odin's, the only thing separating them was a door.
When Loki woke up and screamed Frigga was woken up, she sat up and looked around, she wasn't sure if she was hearing things or if Loki had actually yelled. She looked at Odin and he was still asleep, maybe she should just go see if Loki was still asleep, if he was than it's not a problem, but if he had woken up and something was wrong she didn't want to just leave him. So she got up and went to check on him.
Loki was still in bed trying to calm himself down, but it was hard when he was already afraid of the people here, he couldn't remind himself that he was safe because... well he wasn't sure he was.
He heard footsteps coming toward the door and felt the blood rush from his face, he'd woken up he king and queen, he'd be in deep trouble. Frigga came into the room and saw loki sitting up looking at her fearfully.
"It's just me" she said as she came over to the bed "are you alright? What happened?" She asked, sitting down next to him. He forced himself to breath normally so she wouldn't know he was the one who woke her up, maybe he could convince her that whatever had woken her up woke him up as well and that he hadn't been the one to make the noise.
"Nothing" he lied "I just- I heard something" he said. She raised an eyebrow.
"Me too, I heard you screaming" she said "so why don't you tell me what happened?" She said again. Loki swallowed hard.
"Really, nothing, I'm- I didn't scream" he lied. Frigga didn't know why he was covering it up but she wasn't going to let it go that easily. She leaned forward and put her hand on his chest to feel his heartbeat, he sank back a little bit but she just moved her hand along with him until he was laying down again. His heart was racing and he was shaking.
"Loki you're not in trouble, I just want to make sure you're alright. Did you have a nightmare?" She asked. It seemed like the only thing that could've happened, and with his past it wasn't hard to believe he would have disturbing dreams. He was quiet for a minute but then nodded.
So far Frigga hadn't done anything cruel to him, maybe she was actually kind.
"Do you want to tell me bout it?" Frigga asked him, moving some of his hair out of his face and getting a damp towel off the bedside table to cool his face. Loki was quiet for a minute but then shook his head, he didn't want to have to remember that again.
"I'd- I don't want to" he said, hoping she didn't get mad at him for saying no.
"Are you sure?" Frigga asked "sometimes telling someone about it can help you clear your head, it gets your mind out of the memory" she said. Loki was quiet for a minute, he was still afraid of the world, he didn't know what to expect and that scared him more than anything, but she wants to listen to him, she wants him to talk.
"It was- Laufey, he- he was beating me again" he said, trying to talk about the dream without panicking further. Frigga was just glad he was opening up a bit.
"Why? What happened?" She asked. Loki took a shaky breath.
"I- I asked for food" he said "I was hungry" he added. Frigga took his thin hand and held it gently.
"It was just a dream, none of it was real" she told him.
"But it happened" he said quickly. He knew he shouldn't correct her but it wasn't just a dream, it was a memory.
"Yes... it happened. But it won't happen again. You won't be beaten again, you're safe now Loki" Frigga told him. But she could tell that they were just empty words to him. He still didn't believe it. "Why is that so hard to believe?" She asked him. He knew what he wanted to say but he didn't know how to put it into words, how could he explain how he was feeling? How could he explain why he didn't trust her or anyone else? He sat up a little bit, he didn't like laying down with people in the room, it was a vulnerable position.
"What- um..... what would happen to you if you fell off a cliff?" He asked with an unsure tone. Frigga was confused, that was an odd and random question, but he was talking and she didn't want to shut him down.
"Well, you'd either get very hurt or you'd die" she said. He nodded a bit.
"And- and how do you know that? You- you aren't dead so- so you've never fallen off a cliff" he stated. She could tell his mind was working hard to create a coherent thought, he still looked very nervous. But she had no idea what he was talking about.
"Because I understand how gravity works. I know what impact is and I know what effects it has" she explained.
"But you- you only know that because- because someone told you... right?" Loki asked. Frigga nodded a bit.
"I supposed so. I learned that through teaching and study" she said.
"So then-" he sat up a bit more and wet his dry lips, his face was more pale than normal and he looked like he could vomit any second from nerves. "if- if you went to another realm... and on this realm someone- someone told you that- that falling off a cliff wouldn't hurt you, that you would be fine once you hit the ground, but- but all you had to go on was- was their word... you just had to trust a stranger..... would it be easy for you to go and jump off a cliff?" Frigga suddenly saw the point he was so desperately trying to make. He can't believe he's safe because it goes against the logic that Laufey had beaten into his brain. being told that he was allowed to speak, and ask for food without getting punished was as crazy to him as being told jumping off a cliff is safe would be to abnormal person.
"No... it wouldn't be easy. I wouldn't believe what they were telling me... I wouldn't believe that I was safe" she said, finally feeling like she was a little bit inside his head. She could at least see his perspective now.
"That's- that's how I feel all the time now.... like I'm constantly being pushed to the edge off a cliff and told to jump and- and I have no reason to trust anything I- I have no reason to think that- that this world is any better than Jotunhiem" Loki explained, he couldn't explain everything he was feeling, but he hoped it made sense, he hoped she could see why he didn't trust them yet. Frigga smiled sadly at him.
"Well, Loki, I think you're smarter than you've been given credit for" she said, his ability to put this into words showed that he wasn't at all stupid. He wasn't a dumb helpless child, he was just never allowed to display that he had independent thoughts and ideas, that he could think. "I never would have thought of it that way, and I'll try to remember that when I'm pushing you to do something" she told him "but I can't just leave you alone and let you fear everything, I'm going to keep pushing you to trust me, and I hope one day you will" she couldn't read his face very well, it was a mixture of fear, confusion, and relief. He was afraid of her and the king and Thor, but he was starting to realize that at least Thor and the queen weren't set on causing him pain.
"Try to get back to sleep alright? if you wake up again and want some air you can go out on the balcony, or if you want to talk to me you can wake me up" Frigga said with a kind smile as she stood up and left the room.
Loki knew for sure that he would never wake the queen for any reason, he probably wouldn't even be gutsy enough to leave the room without direct permission, but the idea of going outside again was a nice one... he wondered what the nights were like here.
After a few minutes of not being able to fall asleep he sat up and looked around a bit, no one is here, he could sneak outside for a few minutes and then come back before anyone even noticed. He had to convince himself it was going to be safe, but eventually he moved the blankets off of himself and pulled himself out of bed. He shuffled across the room as quietly as possible, it was still hard to walk but he was getting better each day. Once he got to the door he pulled down on the handle and pushed he large door open. The night air was wonderful, it was warm but still crisp and refreshing. He stood in the doorway for a moment before seeing a bench near the rail on the balcony, he made his way over and sat down, trying to clear his mind of his awful dreams and memories. Maybe, with enough time, he'll be able to trust them. Laufey told him a Lot of lies, so maybe the whole universe isn't cruel.