Chapter 12

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Dylan and I sit at the end of the bed in the only quiet, vacant room in the entire house. I sit silent, my hands folded and placed in my lap as I looked at the floor. We had only been in the room for one minute, not a word was spoken and I was praying it would stay like this. Luke wasn’t too ecstatic that Dylan and I had to stay in a room for seven minutes together, knowing that we have a past, whether he had the details or not. But its not like I had a choice.

“Riley I-” Dylan breaks the silence, but I stop him from continuing any further. I didn’t want to hear what he had to say. He didn’t deserve to be herd out after what he did.

“Don’t” I say sternly.

Dylan sighs and turns more to look at me. “We can’t just sit here and not say anything to each other.” He says, despite me wanting him to stay silent.

“Sure we can.” I say, looking at him. “It’s really easy. You just sit down.” I start. “Look! You’re already doing that step… Next, you-” I say over enthusiastically.

“Riley.” He tries.

“Next, you just keep your mouth closed and voilà! You’re sitting, and not saying anything!” I say and laugh. “It’s pretty amazing how that works.” I say, looking back away from him, my fake smile fading as I looked at the door praying somebody would call ‘time’s up.’

Dylan sighs and runs his fingers through his hair. “Riley c’mon, I’m trying to apologize.” He says and my head snaps back to him.

Apologize?” I repeat, narrowing my eyes at him. “You have to be fucking kidding me.” I say and stand up, standing in front of him, looking down at him. “After all this time, you choose to apologize now? Why so soon?” I ask sarcastically, and put my hands on my hips.

“I’m sorry Riley. I- I know I should’ve tried to clear the air months ago…” He says, looking at me with soft eyes. When his eyes meet mine I immediately look away at the floor. I don’t want to look into them. I would be reminded of everything, every time I ever looked at him and all the memories that came with them.

“There’s no ‘clearing the air’ after what you did.” I say and bite the inside of my cheek. I can’t keep letting the past creep up on me. I can’t let what he did almost 7 months ago keep bringing me down.

“I’m so sorry.” He repeats, trying to catch my eyes again and I almost believe he genuinely is sorry.

“Why did you do it?” I ask trying to keep my voice steady from cracking as I hold back tears screaming to come out.

“I don’t know.” He answers and looks down.

“Fuck that! Why did you do it?” I ask the question again that I’ve wanted to yell in his face for months. He takes a deep breath and stands up. Fuck, why did he do that? I felt in control before, having to look down at him and now that he stood up, I felt below him. I have no choice now but to look up at him and into his eyes to get his true answer.

“I was scared.” He answers, looking into my eyes as if he was trying to read into my emotions, but nobody ever could. I built a wall so high that people can only see what I want them to see about how I’m feeling.

I furrow my eyebrows slightly, not buying it although his eyes showed me truth. “Scared? What the hell were you scared of that made you go sleep with some other girl and then move a thousand miles away?” I ask, my eyes not leaving his. I wasn’t giving him any room to pull out a lie from thin air.

“I was scared of how much I fucking love you.” He answers and my frustration and anger softens like magic.

“That doesn’t explain the other part…” I say. “It doesn’t explain anything.” I clarify, trying to get my mind back in order.

“I-” He starts and swallows. “It really just hit me that day how much I loved you. I was scared, b-because I never felt that much love for anybody before.” He says and I know he isn’t lying. He almost seemed embarrassed to admit this, judging by his shaky words but I let him continue. “My friends, they hated that I was always with you, and I was hanging out with them a lot less. After I told them how I was really feeling, they told me I was crazy and needed a couple of drinks to get back to my right mind.” He says and scoffs slightly, shaking his head. “So, they got me completely wasted that night, and I hooked up with the first girl next to me.” He looks down, pulling his bottom lip between his teeth, something I noticed Luke usually did. “The guys spread the news like wildfire.” He sighs, “And I didn’t tell you that my mom wanted to move, because I didn’t want to believe it, I didn’t want to leave you, especially at the time and with everything you were going through. But you hated me because of that stupid, fucking mistake and I didn’t want to call you to say I was sorry, because I loved you too damn much and I couldn’t hear how much you hated me again.” He finishes.

I take a deep breath. “I, I don’t know what to say.” I answer honestly. I had thought this whole time that he never loved me. That he just used me and moved from girl to girl, despite us being together for almost a year at that time.

“You don’t have to say anything.” He says, not breaking eye contact. “I still love you.” He says softly, and my heart warms even though my conscience reminds me that he crushed it.

‘I never stopped.’ I say in my mind, admitting it to myself. I never did stop loving him. That’s why it hurt every time I saw anything that reminded me of him. It hurt that he was gone and I had nobody. But after hearing all he had to say, I find myself feeling only love and forgiveness even though there’s a tiny part inside of me telling me I shouldn’t. I’ve worked so hard to rebuild the pieces of my heart that were broken by him. But that doesn’t stop me from leaning in slightly and him following. Our lips were millimeters away from being re-united until I hear a multiple voices from behind the door yell “Times up!” at the same time.

(Sorry that this chapter was a little short! I wasn't even planning on writing tonight, but I just opened it up and started writing, And this happened! x)

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