This piece is dedicated to my new and old readers :). This is what I wrote last night when I purposely sat to write the next chapter for "Colorful Twists," even though it wasn't what was intended I'm happy with the result. Thanks to you all for reading!
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When I learned there was a possibility she was going to die, yes we are all destined to die, but it’s worst to know when someone is going to die, I didn’t process it. I couldn’t believe it. Thoughts ran in my mind: it can’t be true, I still need her, and I will be alone. A memory came with the thoughts. I don’t know how young I was maybe five I had tried to make my mom promise me that she would never leave me. She told me she couldn’t promise that because one day she would die therefore breaking the promise. And that’s what was happening, she had not control nor any of us.
My greatest fear is being alone. Right now it’s just my mom and I. I wouldn’t know what to do without her. If something happens to her, I’ll be by myself. I don’t let anyone get close to me, easily. As a result, I enjoy the time we have together.
The one thing that I try to convey everyday is my love to her. Yes, our lives are running on unknown time, so the arguments we have don’t matter in the grand scheme of things. Their sourness in life is not worth giving up the time we should spend together happily; creating memories that we can cherish.
Knowing she can die any day because even when we aren’t told we are going to die by a doctor there is still that possibility--life is unexpected--I began thinking of all the memories that I have with her. The fondest memories stood out creating a clip. Some memories come from her telling me about them because I was too young to remember them.
*As a toddler, I liked eating things all by myself because I was going to finish whatever I chose. I especially like a photo, where according to me I’m going to eat half a watermelon all by myself.
*During all of the proceedings she stood tall and strong. She didn’t let us see her down.
*When she would “forced” me out of bed Saturdays at six in the morning to go exercise at the park. I disliked it because it was too early, but then wouldn’t mind it when we got to the park. I’m glad she did it along with “forcing” me to drink the big cups of orange juice when I was a kid.
*All my graduations, she’s been there for and with me encouraging me through my educational path. She has always being doing little things for me. My favorite when I went off to college, she made me meals almost every week for the first couple of months. Even though I ended up with extra food, I really appreciated it and loved it when she dropped the food off. It was my chance to see her. I missed her. When she stopped, it was when she realized that I was fine and was able to feed myself. It was funny though that she didn’t believe I did my laundry or ironed (tasks I continue to dislike).
*Her greatest advice, which has helped me through many things that I don’t even think she truly knows, “When you are afraid repeat to yourself, “I’m not afraid. I’m strong,” and the fear will go away.” I’ve used it countless times and continue to use it. It helped me the first time I drove on the highway by myself along with playing music at high volume. She didn’t show disappointment (although I believe she was) at the many times I had to go to take the driving test because I failed the parallel section of the test.
*I’m thankful she taught me not to care about material things, but about one’s education and always seeking to improve oneself. As a result, I don’t care about things’ labels nor what envious people say about me. They’re talking to a wall. The glamour of a person comes in the form of their character. She also taught me to be loyal to those who deserve it.
*And not to care about spending money as long as I have the money on things I want because like she recently has started saying “when we died we’re not taking anything with us might as well enjoy life.”
She is my mother, best friend, and advisor. She’s the strongest person I know. She’s my hero. She is the person I hope to have many years with. She has many things to still teach me and experience. She’s the strongest woman I know, who doesn’t let anyone put her down. She’s fierce and will continue to be. She’s my inspiration.
We do share some characteristics, which I remind her jokingly of all the time. We are both stubborn, creative, protective, conservative when meeting strangers, and jokers when we are comfortable--a side not many get to see.
Every day, every night tell your person, you love him or her, no matter what happened that day between you.
