Don't Let Go ✔ (Editing)

19 - Confused.

19

"So that guy in the elevator... that was your..." he trailed off suggestively. I nod my head but said, "No. He's my ex." When I saw Ashton's confused expression, I began to laugh.

"He left me about a month ago to pursue his soccer career... and then he came back..." I smiled to myself, thinking of the night we had. I pull in my lip ring, "so yeah..."

"Wow..." he mutters.

"What?" I smile, looking across to him. 

"It was just sort of weird to see that... sorry if that's offensive," he sounds confused. I wasn't really offended by what he said so I just smiled.

"How long were you together?" he asks, which surprises me.

"A year."

"Your mom knows you're gay?" he continues to question me like a puzzled child. I'm actually happy to answer his questions, only because it's him. I think if it was any other body I'd be completely annoyed by now.

"Yes... although she never really supported my relationship with Cody..."

"She was cool with it?"

"Yeah, I suppose. When I told her she wasn't shocked, but she also didn't really expect it. But she accepted me - like almost immediately."

Ashton nodded his head. I wanted to ask, in return, about his family life, but he just seemed to be so much more interested in this topic. I don't want to bum him out. I stare at him. All I want is for him to get the god-damn hint.

"And what about your dad?" he asked.

I shake my head a bit, "Uhm... he's not in the picture."

"Oh sorry."

"It's okay, he's not dead or anything. My mom and him just had a divorce," I shrug my shoulders. Again, the urge to ask about his family comes on strong, but somehow not stronger than the need for him to be happy. He may have a girlfriend and is 'straight' but I feel like he's already mine.

"So he doesn't know?"

"He hasn't been around to know, and I'm not going to chase him around just to tell him I'm into guys." I shrug my shoulders carelessly. The entire topic of my father is so unnecessary and unimportant to me. I can honestly care less.

"Would he have accepted?" Ashton asked.

"Yeah, I think so. My mom wouldn't have married a complete asshole."

He laughed softly at that, then bit his bottom lip. He furrowed his eyebrows before looking downward. "So... you're boyfriend's gone now?"

"He's not my boyfriend... and yes, he's gone."

"So, your single now?" my eyes widen, but I don't  think it was too visible. Is he sure he's straight? Why would he ask that? I pull in my lip ring into my mouth, then nodded my head. I don't want to tell him I don't do relationships anymore because God-knows i want him to be called mine. I feel unfaithful to Cody though, but I know now that he's doing the same thing.

"Why didn't you have a long distance relationship?" he asks.

"He doesn't seem to trust himself... which actually happens to be true since he was with other guys."

"But you were doing the same thing, right?" he furrowed his brows. I smile, "No.."

"You're an idiot," he says. I roll my eyes, "It's unfair, but I just don't want him to be with anyone else.."

"That is unfair," he confirms. I suck my teeth before looking away from him. I don't care if I'm being unfair. Why would I want to know that the only guy who I've ever loved is out fucking around with random guys? He probably doesn't want to hear the same thing, but I feel like it hurts me more. 

"It doesn't matter, Cody knows I love him," I shrug my shoulders. It's like an open-long-distance-relationship. The love is still there.

"You love him?" Ashton rose an eyebrow. I nod my head and smiled, but said nothing.

"So you guys already... like... you know..." he sounds so awkward asking these things. But it's actually really cool. Normal guys have such huge egos they wouldn't even dare to begin talking to me about my relationships (or talking to me at all) but he's once again proved to be different.

"Yes."

"How is that?" he furrowed his eyebrows, "Actually no, don't explain."

I begin to laugh. Ashton asked again, "How is it like to kiss another guy?"

"It's normal."

He chuckled, "Seriously?"

I sigh softly, before an idea popped into my head. I blink up at him, "Why not just try it? Instead of asking so many questions."

"Try what, being gay?" he furrowed his eyebrows.

"No, idiot. Kiss me," I confidently say, watching as his eyes widened.

"K-kiss you... I... I'm not gay.."

"You don't have to be gay, Ashton," I bite my bottom lip, and I saw his eyes look to my lips. I flash a smile, "Just try it." Ashton looked down to the ground, probably thinking about it. If it were me I'd jump on the opportunity. 

"I mean... it's just a kiss... right?" he furrowed his eyebrows.

"Exactly," I smile, "Just close your eyes and kiss me."

"Seriously?" he asked and I nodded my head. This is a really selfish thing to do, but I gave up my party tonight, so I sort of deserve this kiss. Ashton scooted closer to me. His eyes remained on mine as I leaned in. I smiled, watching him for a second as he slowly closed his eyes. He's adorable. Eventually, I finally leaned in close enough to connect our lips. Ashton flinched away a bit, but I rest my hand behind his neck, sort of pulling him in - but not violently, for it to be considered as some kind of rape.

I run my tongue along his bottom lip, asking for entrance, and it took him a little while before he actually opened his mouth. I wanted to smile at him but I didn't want to break the kiss. I move his hand to at least touch a part of me, and he didn't deny it. I feel so proud of myself. As I moved in closer, I slid my leg onto his thigh - it's like a habit of mine, but he didn't remove it.  I turned to face him more, moving my hands in his hair as I do so. 

I would have never thought that Ashton would actually go this far. I honestly though he would just peck my lips and that'll be it. But he's all tongue and shit. His hands are on my body - it's like he wants something more. 

But I'm not going to give him all. He's still probably confused. Much to my body's disagreement, I pull away from him and move around. I stare at him for a brief moment for his reaction. He gazed downward as his fingers went up to his lips. I rose an eyebrow at him. I want to know what's going on in his head right now. Did he like it? is he disgusted?

"How was that?" I finally ask.

"Uh..." his eyebrows remained crinkled in confusion. I sighed softly, feeling a bit awkward. I got my kiss, but I think my awesome skills confused the kid.

Thankfully, my mom opened his room door and poked her head in, "Ethan, sweetie, we're leaving now."

"Uh yeah... okay," I tell her, the shooed her away with my eyes. When I looked back at Ashton, he still wore that confused expression on his face. "Okay, well uh, I have to go... but we'll talk tomorrow."

"Yeah," he shortly said. I stood from his bed and walked to the door to leave the room.

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