Chapter 39

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Caleb

It felt a little like sinking, like swimming out too far too fast and kicking your feet to find sand where there is none.

Losing everything isn’t anything like people make it out to be. Everybody says it’s the worst thing in the world, and for a little while it was.

Sitting on the floor of a stranger’s home with my brother’s blood on my hands and not knowing what to do or how to deal with being on my own nearly suffocated the sanity out of me.

So I stopped thinking, stopped crying, stopped feeling too much about too many things at once, and focused on the last thing I had to lose—Hailey.

Anderson and his gun had gone missing, but I heard him howling her name all around the house like a wolf prowling for a fresh kill. I got myself standing and left the body of the man who wasn’t my brother any more behind.

I stumbled back through the room of blank-faced paintings, trailing red lines across the floor. The throbbing in my leg got so bad, I didn’t think I’d make it back across the house, but I had to before he did. If Anderson knew anything about his daughter, he’d find her in a heartbeat.

I just hoped to God he wouldn’t.

The house went quiet.

Quiet enough to chill my blood in the summer heat.

I caught Hailey standing deadly still in the middle of the hallway where I’d left her. I didn’t know why she’d stepped out of her safe place, but I didn’t ask questions, just called her to me like she was the only thing left in the world worth holding on to.

She turned on her heels, gracefully, carefully, like if she moved an inch in the wrong direction she’d disappear. Her eyes caught the light like I’d never seen, and even with everything we’d lived through over the last couple of days, she’d never looked as terrified as she did then.

 She lifted a finger to her perfect lips, and shushed me quiet before a bullet burst through the middle of her lily white shirt, staining everything beautiful about her red.

Anderson appeared behind her, and he knew that I’d seen something I could never unsee. He knew that I would’ve taken his life if hers wasn’t more important. So he pointed an empty gun at my head and fired empty shots before escaping out the front door while the cops sped up the driveway.

 I ran to Hailey, ‘cause all I could see was her sinking through the air like she’d fall forever if no one stopped her.

The hollow thud of her knees hitting the floor buried itself so deep in my ears I went deaf to everything else. Her skin was so cold when I reached her, but she kept her eyes on me, the eyes I loved, like she wasn’t afraid of anything. She smiled at me, with the lips I loved, like she wasn’t hurting the way I knew she had to be, and I screamed louder than the storm and sirens outside.

I carried her outta the house, blood spilling through my jeans and life spilling from her lips while the clouds rained down their worst on us.

Police lights colored the sky and we were red and blue in the rain. I carried her into a headlight sunrise, numb to the June-gloom skies pounding against our skin.

They told me to stop, to freeze, to let the girl I lived for slip through my fingers. But I didn’t listen, deaf to the demands of the misguided heroes around us, 'cause I promised her a life longer than today.

I held her close, hard enough for our rib cages to collide, so tight I swear she was a part of me, and our hearts matched beat for beat.

I kissed her like it would take away her pain, sparking warmth between us in the heatless shadows of the Virginia pines, like the love I had for her could fix the pieces her Dad had broken.

 In the time it took them to tap a trigger, a sniper’s bullet cut through the rain, and brought me to my knees. But I kept my eyes on her and only her, while she fought to keep from flickering out.

A second shot rang out against the rain, and I kissed her again.

Even with blood stained lips, I gave her everything—everything I had before the world could take it. We fell, hands locked, bodies close, our kisses slow and deathless.

It felt a little like drowning, the rain making our colors run, and losing the fight to keep breathing when I still had a reason to.

So I asked the world a favor, to let Hailey get away, as far away from me as she could if it meant leaving with her life.

I held my breath hoping that she’d live through tonight and a million other nights, ‘til she was old and tired but still crazy about living. Maybe it was selfish of me to ask for so much when I’d already gotten my fair share of universe-approved-wishes.

            Knock out first kiss, check.

            Outta this world first time, check.

            One in a million first love, check.

A lot of great firsts, which meant the last thing I asked for had to be special, it had to be worth it, so no part of loving her went to waste. So I asked God to give her a chance, and I bet what little I had left of my life on the hope that if He loved her half as much as I did, He’d listen.

Like always. 

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