The Runaways

Chapter 37

Caleb

I asked God to make me numb to her, but I guess He wasn’t listening.

Standing there in the shadow of Hailey’s home in the summer dark ripped away whatever hope I had of holding onto her. The whole world was waiting at the far end of a long winding driveway along with a beautiful house and a beautiful life I’d never be able to give her.

I’d talked about this day, promised her this place so many times without realizing how small it would make me feel as soon as I set foot outside it. Her two-story southern dream went from being as far away as a fairytale to closer than our fingertips.

I thought about running, just kicking up the dust and disappearing out of her life like I was never there; and, maybe one day, I’d believe that.

Maybe somewhere down the road I’d forget that I ever cared enough about a girl for it to nearly kill me. Maybe one day I’d get better at believing my bullshit, but today wasn’t that day.

Hailey took the first steps up the driveway, slow and steady, like she was tiptoeing out of a four-day dream. Leaving was as easy as walking less than a mile up the hill back to where she belonged. I didn’t have a place like that anymore. I’m not sure I ever did.

But Hailey started to feel like home to me and even she was slipping out of my hands. So the further she walked, the less I moved ‘til every bone in my body locked up tighter than tight.

All she had to do was stay.

All she had to do was stand next to me like I wanted her to, instead of pulling herself out of the picture. The second she did, something darker than resentment seeped into my blood, and I couldn’t stand the feel of her skin.

I didn’t wanna look at her anymore, or touch her, or feel her tiny fingers tangled between mine ‘cause every dying minute between us killed the will power in me to let her go. But I had to let her go.

        “Go on ahead. Your Ma’s probably waiting up for you.”

I slipped out of her grip and hid my hands deep in my pockets where she couldn’t reach them.

        “Come with me. I can try to explain things to my mom. I’m sure she won’t—”

        “She won’t what? Mind if the guy who took her daughter walks in her front door? C’mon, Hailey. Just go inside, pick up the phone, and call the cops like you’re supposed to.”

Even in the moonless dark, I knew exactly how she was looking at me—with something like hurt and confusion scrawled all over her face like an unfinished story. But ours was finished. She just didn’t know it yet.

        “Caleb, I want her to see you, so she can know who you are. So that somebody else knows the truth about what happened.”

        “It doesn’t matter, Hailey. If anybody gave a damn about the truth, we wouldn’t be here.”

       “It matters to me. It matters that somebody knows everything you did even if it’s just one person.”

Though all I’d done was spit barbed wire at her, every word out of her mouth sounded sweeter than molasses, like she had all the time and patience in the world to talk me down and put my fears to rest.

Everything she did and said, even when all I wanted to do was disappear, forced me to keep going. But this time, there wasn’t much further we could go, even if we wanted to.

        “I’m sorry, Hailey.”

My throat shrunk about two sizes too small just in time to warn me to man up or risk breaking down. Every time I got close to losing my shit, the bits and pieces of my Dad in me shut off anything close to crying. But this time was different ‘cause all the grit I used to have holding me together had turned to dust.