Things I didn't like:
* The "1" in your title should be written out. Otherwise, it looks unprofessional.
* Your grammer needs to be fixed. When someone new talks you should start a new paragraph. I would suggest a editor or using Microsoft word on your computer.
Things I did like:
*Your cover. It really gives the deppressed vibe of the character.
* The plot of the story. Almost made me cry. :0
Overall, I give you a 3/5 star rating. Fix the few things and you'll be good! I voted!:)
