Misguided Ghosts {A Bucky Barnes fanfic}

Chapter Twenty Six

I awoke with a start when I felt someone shake my shoulder. My eyes snapped open to see Bucky standing over me, brow creased in worry.
"I-I'm sorry I didn't mean to startle you," he stated.
"No no it's fine. How are you feeling?"
"I'm...fine. What happened last night? I completely blacked out halfway through dinner."
I rubbed the sleep from my eyes, blinking a few times. "You had an episode."
"Did I hurt anybody?" He asked worriedly.
"Besides a few plates and glasses, everyone's fine. I'm more concerned about you." My gaze momentarily flickered to the large window. It was starting to grow light outside, making me wonder just how early it was.
"What triggered it? How did it happen?"
"Karma said...'the word' and you completely lost it. Nothing we all couldn't handle, but there's always a risk with returning you to the present," I explained. Bucky nodded understandingly and sat down in the chair across from me, looking quite perplexed as he stared down at his hands in his lap.
"What's going on in that mind of yours?"
"You know," he mumbled.
"I know, but I want to hear it from you."
He sighed before responding. "I don't want to hurt anybody, but it's out of my control. It will happen at some point. Until I get this sorted out...I need to go back under." I definitely wasn't expecting the last part.

I couldn't believe he'd want to go back into cryo. It killed me with the thought that I would be living without him again for who knows how long.
"No I-I'll help you! I'll help you get through this, we can figure out how to control it," I argued.
"Rosie I'm a danger. A great one at that. I can't continue to hurt people."
"You can't keep running away from the problem," I stated.
"Dammit Rose!" He suddenly shouted, standing up from his chair. "I'm not trying to avoid the problem, I'm trying to fix it! Why can't you understand that?"
"I'm trying, but I don't think you understand just how much it will hurt me to have you go back into cryo!" I matched the volume of his voice.
"Why can't you stop being so selfish for once and focus on my wellbeing?" His words were like a harsh slap to the face.
"All I've ever done was worry about your wellbeing! My focus has always been you, and if you can't recognize that then maybe I shouldn't waste my energy anymore."

I slowly stood from my chair, grabbed my sandals by the door, and walked out of our suite.
"Don't walk away from me!" I heard Bucky call from behind me, but I ignored him and continued walking. I felt a strong hand on my upper arm that spun me around and he slammed me against the wall, catching me off guard. He was never this aggressive with me.
"Don't treat me like they did!"
"What the hell has gotten into you?" I asked, my voice wavering, laced with fear. I didn't care to notice the purple tint the irises of his eyes took on because I was so filled with surprise and fright. I pushed him away with as much strength as I could muster and ran away from him. He didn't follow which I was grateful for, but once I reached the elevator I broke down. I couldn't wrap my head around what had just happened. The only time he physically attacked me was when he was in his Winter Soldier state, but he wasn't this time that much was clear. This was something completely different, but I had no idea what it was.

The elevator doors opened and I began to walk out when I bumped into a tall figure.
"Oh I'm sorry," I mumbled.
"Hey Rose!" A familiar deep voice greeted me. I looked up, a small smile curling up my lips when my eyes met his.
"Hi Steve." I took in his appearance: black basketball shorts, a blue t-shirt stained with sweat, and a white towel draped around his neck; clearly he was just coming back from the gym.
"Is everything alright?" He asked. I stayed silent, avoiding his piercing gaze.
"Rose what happened?" My friend pushed.
"Bucky...he snapped and attacked me."
"Are you alright? Are you hurt?" I rolled my eyes playfully. That's Steve for you, always caring about others. A mother hen sometimes, but it was nice to have someone so genuinely concerned about you.
"Physically I'm fine, but emotionally I'm shook," I admitted. Steve wrapped a careful and protective arm around my shoulders and lead me over to the lobby where the couches were.
"Tell me what happened," he stated gently as he sat me down beside him. I began to retell my fight with Bucky, tears pricking at my eyes but I choked them back. Once I had finished, Steve sighed heavily.
"And he wasn't in assassin mode?" He asked for the second time.
"I'm positive."
"If you need to stay the night with me, my door is always open." I smiled and patted his knee.
"I know thank you. I might take you up on that, but let me talk to Bucky first. I would like to work through this."
"You sure?"
"We've been through worse. We can manage whatever's thrown our way," I reassured him. Upon standing Steve embraced me tightly.