Chasing Suicide (BXB)

Chapter Nine❥

I walked into the main office with Aster closely following behind. I turned to him before walking in, "Just ignore everyone okay?" I smiled, turned back and opened the door slowly.

The large office filled with grey cubicals and dark wooden desks everywhere was quiet in itself but filled with small chattering and people scattering around. I definitely didn't miss coming here everyday for paperwork. I would much rather stay at home and do whatever the hell me and Aster feel like.

My many coworkers didn't even seem to notice us.

Good.

I put my hands in my pockets and walked over to a door that read, "Head District Office." I turned to Aster knowing that he couldn't go in with me considering that we would be discussing him. "You want to go sit over in that couch and wait for me?" I nodded to the black leather couch that was towards the right side of the large room.

He agreed and walked over. That's when everyone started to look. They all were staring at Aster like they hadn't expected him to still be alive. I sighed, knocked on the door then let myself in.

"Hello Mr. Hayez." Wilson looked up from his desk, "Why don't you take a seat?" he stood up and motioned to the seat in front of him with his right hand.

I accepted his invitation and sat down. "Hey, Wilson." I smiled professionally.

"So how's the boy?"

He was expecting me to tell him everything that had happened in the time that I had been with Aster. That's how these sessions usually went.

"He's good. So starting from the beginning?" I asked him anyways.

"Yep, lay it on me. Let's hear the damage." Mr. Wilson sat up and rubbed his white mustache waiting for me to continue. I tried to ignore his comment about "the damage".

"Well, let's see." I recalled the first time that we had met, "I took him to the gym ...he's actually incredibly strong, maybe even more than me." I stopped, thinking that I haven't been the gym in a while. Oh no... My poor body is going to get fat. I looked down and patted my stomach noticing no difference yet still freaking out.

"Jude?" Wilson broke me from my trance.

"Oh sorry." I coughed awkwardly, "and Uhmm, we've been shopping a few times, ...the park." I rubbed my head trying to remember, "Oh yeah! Hyper Beams, I took him there." I laughed inwardly remembering how innocent he was to amusement parks. I don't think he had ever seen a ferris wheel before that either.

"Hyper Beams?" Wilson raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah you know the amusement park, apparently he had never been to one before. I thought the actives might help him to acclimate to me a little more." Which I'm pretty sure they did..

"Jude, you know you don't have to take him to all these places, your job is just to literally just watch him." He leaned back in his chair.

I was appalled. "Excuse me for saying this sir, but this is a clinic for "helping" people, correct?" I leaned toward him, "If that's so, I wouldn't so lightly say that I just have to "watch him". Our job description even says to do more than that. I went through so much schooling to get this job, and learned so much about people, and how to help them. I would think we should be putting that education to use? Aster may be a little delusional at times and I know nobody really believes in him, but he's practically an adult, he's just not happy. Just "watching" him isn't going to help his situation, and I'm honestly surprised none of you have tried harder, because I seem to be making at least a little progress, much more than I've seen any of you try to make with him." I gritted my teeth not regretting a word I said.

"Oh Jude," Wilson sighed deeply while shaking his head in slight disapproval. "You have such a strong spirit and passion, we need more people like you here. But I'm sorry to say that we've given Aster plenty of chances, he just doesn't seem to be looking for help. He apparently just wants to die, as sad as that may sound, it's the truth."

I sat back into my chair. How could he he say that? How could these people be so heartless? How could they not understand? I clenched my jaw so that I wouldn't start yelling.

In my bosses eyes, yelling was a sign of disrespect. And he always said 'Disrespectful people have no place in this office.'

"I think this is enough for today, I just wanted to know what you thought about the subject." Wilson started to stand up.

Subject? Aster was not a subject.

My anger rose higher, I could feel my face heating up. Wilson must have noticed because he quickly walked to the door and opened it.

"I'll call you about this later."

"Yeah, whatever." I muttered and sped through the door.

"Aster let's go." I called out louder than necessary and walked past all the staring faces. I didn't bother looking at Aster as he followed behind me but I could imagine his blank expression. As usual.

I tried to forget about that horrid conversation and brought my thoughts to Aster instead.

Was it starting to bother me? The fact that someone else may have seen his other expressions before? Someone other than me? Was Kristin right? Maybe I was jealous...

I walked fast to the parking lot and forcefully opened the drivers door to my mustang and got in. Once Aster hopped in I started the engine and sped off not even waiting for the car to warm up.

Once we were at a red light I turned on the radio.

It wasn't loud enough. I didn't want to think, I reached to turn it louder but Aster's hand caught mine.

My head flung to his direction and before I could respond his breathe was on my lips. He slowly bit his lip and touched my hair with his thin hand. Then he leaned forward and kissed me.

My eyes widened until he parted his lips, and then they closed. Why was it that when you kiss someone, you close your eyes? I was about to pull him towards me but a loud honk brought me back to reality. I jerked my head away and continued on driving.

We drove in silence. Why did he just do that? All this confusion was eating me alive. I didn't know what we were, I didn't know what I was doing.

"Sorry." The small voice came from next to me.

I gripped the steering wheel harder, not responding because of my blank mind.

Oh so now I was the blank one?

"Jude, are you mad?" Aster's asked slowly.

"No." I answered back. A lie, of course I was mad. Not as mad now, since Aster had kissed me, but still a bit mad because of what happened at the office.

Damn I really was blank.. The one day he decides to actually talk has to be the day where I can't?

I pulled into my driveway and got out, slamming the door. I heard foots steps echoing behind me on the metal stairs as I walked up. Once I was at the top, I opened the door and left it open for Aster.

I pulled my shoes off and went to my bedroom.

I was tired, I was blank, I just wanted to sleep.

I flopped on my huge bed fully clothed and hugged the sheets next to me.

I couldn't sleep though, I had to stay up and watch Aster. I could at least lay here...

I heard the front door shut and then the bedroom door shut. I heard Aster drag his feet over to the bed. I tried to ignore him as he got on and sat down.

I felt the bed move, and then I felt his hair skimming my ear, "I won't leave." he whispered. "Just sleep." my eyes were slowly closing as his gentle voice reached my mind and as his slender fingers ran through my hair. His touch melted away my anger and I soon forgot about why I was mad as my mind drifted away into other pleasant thoughts.