Chasing Suicide (BXB)

Chapter Sixteen♥

A week had passed, Aster was healthier but still looked beaten up. The doctor said that he would have to stay in the hospital for another month, maybe more because he needed time to heal from the surgeries he went through. I couldn't stay with him 24/7 but I still came see him everyday.

Aster had been sleeping a lot so we never really had a chance to talk but now I was sitting in front of him ready to talk.

"How are you feeling?" I asked him while noticing that they had changed his green hospital gown for a light blue one.

He shrugged and leaned against the back of his bed which was tilted up so that he was in a sitting position.

"Aster.. we need to talk."

I saw him flinch just barely and I could tell that he didn't want to talk.

I paused for a minute, "Will you tell me what happened?"

He glanced at me, using only his eyes and then shook his head.

"Was it because of me?" I asked hesitantly.

He didn't respond.

"It was, wasn't it.." I put my head in my hands and contemplated what to say. I had no idea what I did wrong. I tried to think back to that night.

I looked back at Aster again, "Was it because we-"

"No." Aster stated firmly while letting a small blush escape to his cheeks.

"Will you please tell me then?" I pleaded "I was so worried about you.. I-I thought I would lose you."

His bangs were still clipped up which made it easier to read his expressions.

He looked irritated when I said that.

"I heard you." he said.

"What?" I looked at him in confusion.

He sighed and turned his head to me, our eyes met. "You want me to leave you alone?"

My eyes widened, "What? .. No of course not."

"Don't lie to me Jude." Aster narrowed his eyes at me.

"I'm not lying! why would I lie? I love you.."

Aster looked taken back, "But ... But I heard you." confusion rang in his voice.

"When.. What did I say..?"

"You were on the phone-"

It hit me, "With Mr. Wilson?.. Aster that didn't mean anything... If you heard what I think you heard, that was his idea, I never wanted you to leave. I swear." my eyes were getting watery and I could tell that his were too.

There was one thing I needed to know, "Aster... That night.. Did you feel something?"

He stared at me.

"I mean not just pleasure.. but you had to have felt something right?" Part of me didn't want him to answer, out of fear of what he might say.

"..Yeah.. It scared me." he looked down at his hands in his lap.

I stood up and went over to him, "Why did it scare you?"

"I just.. I thought you were leaving me, I really wanted to die Jude." I saw a tear fall from his eye.

I touched his chin and brought his face to mine, "I won't leave you, I never want to leave you. I promise I won't." I pecked his lips then pulled away, "but you have to swear you won't pull this suicide thing again, I can't handle it Aster. I almost had a heart attack, I was so fucking scared."

"I won't," he lifted his arm and let his hands comb through my hair, "I swear."

He pulled my head closer and kissed me long and hard. Eventually his hand started to slide up my shirt but I pulled away, "Hey, let's wait until you're better." I smiled at him and he pouted.

"Don't pout," I laughed, "It'll be even better once you're not all bruised up." I gave him a small wink.

Aster moved close and I thought he was going to kiss me again but instead he brought his arms around me and laid his head on my shoulder. His embrace was warm and comforting. We stayed like that for a while just enjoying each other's embrace.

Aster broke the silence, "Jude?"

"Yeah?" I replied. His hair slightly grazed my cheek as he hugged me tighter.

"I love you."

And that was when I realized that Aster the suicidal, adorable, quiet, moody, eighteen year old, and I, were made for each other.

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