Everybody's a Little Messed Up

A Little Bit of Alright

I went to therapy, but just for half an hour this time. I'll spare you the details, but I told her a little bit about my 'new friend'. The doc's actually started having normal conversations with me, a nice change, but still insisted I talk. Marilyn picked me up and we got pedicures. I liked spending time with her and she definitely brought out my girly side. I had lots of fun and my toe nails are now a bright red.

I kept my happy mood as I walked into my house, five minutes early. My mother was at the kitchen table, papers spread out in front of her.

"Hi Jamie-bear, how was Rachel's?" she asked, not really looking up.

"Good." I said, going into my room. I thought about my day. I thought about Erica. I'd never really been interested in girls, but I'd only ever had one boyfriend, who I wasn't that into either. Maybe my 'incident' turned me to girls? But Erica is the only girl I'm attracted to. Straight, bi, lesbian, who the hell cares? With that cheerful thought I went to sleep.

My dreams started differently than usual. I was walking down an empty street when Carly appeared. She was holding a knife and covered in blood. She started screaming, and I felt myself panicking. I ran down the street, but as I ran it morphed into a forest. I woke up with a jerk. At least I didn't have to go through the scary parts. I started my new past time, reading. I know, shocking for a high schooler, but I enjoyed it. I was reading Wicked Lovely by Melissa Marr when my alarm clock informed me it was time for school. I went with a gray turtle neck and black jeans. My black slippers made the outfit awesome and I actually brushed my hair that morning. I'm a real catch.

My mom gave me toast for breakfast and was running late, so she didn't watch me eat it. When we got to school, I went to the bleachers, hoping to see Erica. I was more disappointed than I care to admit when she wasn't there. All my hard work wasted. I ended up reading two more chapters before school, losing myself in Aislinn's world. The day passed, uneventful until lunch, when Erica showed up. She had her hair up, and was dressed in a plain red tank top and dark wash skinny jeans. I was actually surprised at how tame the outfit was. She smiled at me and I noticed how tired she looked. I'm spending too much time noticing things about her.

"Hey JJ, how has your day been?" she asked, munching on some goldfish.

"Great. I've learned so much about valence electrons." I said "How has your day been?" I asked carefully.

"Fine, just overslept this morning." She said, seeming distracted, but giving me a weak smile. She changed the subject, and I let her, talking about our lives. She talked about her parents being clueless, but caring, and I told her about my brother and his family.

"I honestly wish I could be apart of their family, a real part." I said, feeling good saying it, but guilty. "I love my mom, but we aren't really family. She's still pretending Dad wasn't a jerk, but he was." I said, drinking my diet pepsi, which is so much better than diet coke.

"I know what you mean. It's like, how can you feel so out of place in your own family." She said, swinging her feet. "Don't you just love sunshine?" she turned her face up and closed her eyes.

"Erica, do you mind if I ask you a personal question?" I said, nervously. She didn't move, instead mumbled "mmhm" which I took as a yes.

"How did your family deal with the whole lesbian thing?" I asked. She lifted her head and thought for a minute.

"They love me. Yeah they'd be happier if I married a guy and had seven babies, but that wouldn't make me happy. My personality is a little out-of-control sometimes," I snorted and she punched my arm, "But, they know that's just Erica. It took them a while to accept that I'm never marrying a guy, but now they're over it. I did come out four years ago." We just sat there, quiet, feeling the sunshine. On a whim, I put my hand on Erica's cheek and turned her head towards me. I gently pushed my lips on to hers in a friendly kiss. It wasn't passionate, just nice and gentle. It lasted about thirty seconds, then I pulled away.

"Sorry." I mumbled, wonder why the hell I did that.

"It was nice." she said, smiling at me. The bell rang and Erica hugged me before going to class. For the first time since the incident, I didn't have to take my pills before class.