Winter Has Come | ✔ #1 Winter Series

Chapter 5

The day I left, the snow was tumbling down in torrents. I remember the misty air clinging to the window as though clouding me from the rest of the world, pleading me not to go on. But I had no choice. It's the only thing that makes me stop feeling guilty. Because I was the shepherd and I was protecting my sheep.

When I left, not much happened. There was no clinging. No hugging. No crying. Maisie was watching me wide-eyed from the stairs. Mum was still in the chair, watching the world pass by. I remember pulling on the biggest coats I could find, until it looked like I had seal fur. I remember Mum's eyes not even flickering in my direction when I walked past her.

I know why there was there was no clinging. No hugging. No crying. It was because we were empty. We were empty and hollow and completely alone. We were so worn out that dramatic events were the worst things that could happen to us.

I remember looking at Maisie. The blanket was around her, falling at her feet like a waterfall of cloth. Her face was frozen into a look of fear.

"Don't go," she whispered.

Oh hell. I don't care, I answered and that was enough to send the shiver down my spine.

I turned around because it was all too much. My hand was fingering the strap of my rucksack. It felt so tight and small on my back, holding the pitiful things I kept inside. The torch was in there, battery long gone. But I had it because it reminded me of Dad and the day he left. It reminded me of the terrors yet to come.

My head swung to where Mum was sitting. She was curled into herself, hands over knees, drawing them to her chest. It struck me how a woman could be like a child. She looked so small and ragged and innocent that it made me want to protect her even more.

I remember reaching out for the door handle. My hand shook, not only with cold, but with fear. The only thing that was keeping me going was the terror in my veins, pulling me through the last few minutes before my eyes would close and I would never see the world again.

And so, looking at the patterns and curves of our door, one last time, I pulled it open.

Oh hell, I did not care.