Spencer Reid x Reader Oneshots

Cooping isn't easy for everyone

Sum: Reader has trouble cooping with the loss of Spencer 

2nd person 

You sipped on your 3rd glass of alcohol staring at the blank tv with puffy eyes. The house was trashed and you were dirty. Your phone buzzed non-stop with calls from the team trying to see if you were okay. You looked at the messages, but cried and threw your phone at the tv. "Why him, why not me?" That thought ran through your mind everyday since the death of Spencer Reid.

It wasn't a hard case, but it wasn't easy either. The team struggled to make the profile and thing just weren't connecting. When they did find the unsub Spencer felt he could save the life of the young troubled teenager. You watched as he talked him down, but the profile was wrong. It was wrong! You blamed yourself for not seeing the different personalities, the dominant and submissive personalities. One who was good at being a sniper, one who shot through glass and was brave enough to kill an FBI agent. On that day, you dropped to your knees looking at the bloody face of your lover, the one who promised he'd be there for you, the one who said he'd never let you go. He let you go. 

The tears weren't enough, you had covered his things with a blanket and slept on an air mattress so you didn't have to sleep in the bed, the one you both spent nights talking to each other on. You cursed yourself writing all over the walls of the apartment, words that you felt best fit to describe you. Funeral came and went, you stayed away from the team as long as you could, they would come knock on the door and leave baskets. 

You didn't want to be like you were, because Spencer wouldn't want it. You picked up your shattered but still working phone. "Hotch? Yes, I'm going to come in today." You said over the phone, it was still early morning and you couldn't sleep, that's how it was for the past 6 months, when you did sleep you'd wake up when your nightmare started to happen.

Walking into the FBI building you took a deep breath and walked past the wall of fallen agents. You tried not to look at it so you wouldn't have to see Spencer. "Y/n? How are you?" Rossi saw you. "I-i'm fine Rossi, how are you?" you put on your best fake smile. You couldn't smile a real smile, not yet at least. "I'm doing good, it's nice to see you again." You nodded walking away, your eyes went straight to Spencer's desk and you choked on a sob. You kept it back and continued your way to Hotch's office. 

"Y/n, are you sure you want to be here, your resignation papers are ready if you need them?" You had turned them in a while ago, but asked to keep it paused. "I just need one more case Hotch, one more and I'm done." 

"Well we have one right now, if your to-bag is ready?" You nodded. "How's Jack?" You don't know why you asked but it felt right to you. "He's great, he misses seeing you at get togethers." You frowned, the thought of children made you depressed. "Sir the team is ready when you are?" Garcia opened the door, her face wide in shock when she saw you. "Y/n? Honey you're back!" Garcia hugged you, you flinched, still not used to being physically touched after 6 months, it was uncomfortable to you now and you didn't know why. "Garcia." Hotch gave her a stern waring after seeing your discomfort. "Oh sorry, the team is ready sir." She put a hand on your shoulder and walked out the room.

The briefing was fine, You sat by JJ and across from Hotch, Hotch knew what you were going through so you could talk to him. You excused yourself to the bathroom as you had started feeling sick, you leaned against the wall crying because it was bringing memories of spencer back to you. "Y/n you okay?" JJ called from outside the door. "Yeah, I'm fine." you sank down in the tiny stall and buried yourself in between your knees. 

You stayed out the teams way while they were working on the profile, only going to interview people and giving your thoughts on the person. One person caught your attention, he stood out to you. "FBI? don't you think that this is too small to be FBI?" The guy said. "No sir it isn't." The sheriff said. The case was of missing men who were taken outside of their houses. "Men probably left to leave their wives probably." He was arrogant and listening to him make you hate him even more. "Thank you for your information sir." Morgan thanked him. 

All through the hours of the night you couldn't take your mind off of the guy. "What's bothering you Y/n?" Rossi asked. You stood up and walked away from him. 

"I need to go for some fresh air." You asked for the SUV car keys and Hotch gave them to you. 

You went straight to the guys house. "Hi, I just wanted to ask you about some questions?" 

"Why I already answered the stupid questions?" You hid your disgust. "Can I just come in, I won't be long?" And long you weren't. You profiled his house and when a young woman came home with a sniper in her hand you started realizing everything. "Everyday I ask myself, why him, why wasn't it me, because I'm not Spencer, I'm not Spencer!"

"Lady what are you talking about?" You took out your gun and pointed it at him. "Both of you get on your knees!" You demanded. You went around so their backs were facing you. "My light, my best friend, my lover... taken away by a sniper. I'm not a coward, I won't hide behind a gun far away from my target." 

"Burn in hell!" He sputtered out. "Not before you." You shot the girl exception style and then to him. "You shot him in the head, you took him away from me, ruined my happiness." You looked him dead in the eye and shot him through his forehead. The tears started and you got in the SUV.

Hours later you found yourself at a small bridge in park. "Y/n?" Hotch called you. "Y/n you need to come in?" He had Garcia trace your phone. 

"Hotch have you ever found yourself in a situation that you couldn't get out of?" You never looked at him. 

"Yes, but I got through it... Y/n we can help you." 

"I don't want help, I want my Spencer back in my arms." You gripped the gun tighter. "Spencer wouldn't have wanted this." 

"Don't you dare tell me what Spencer would have wanted, your profile was wrong and it got him killed." you cried. Hotch didn't say anything. "I can't do this anymore, I won't do this anymore." 

"Y/N No!!!!!!" You bought the gun to your head and pulled the trigger. 

You found yourself in a nice clean house, the lights bright and and the sky sunny. "Welcome home Sweetheart..." Spencer stared straight at you. "I missed you Spencer."

"I know darling, I missed you too." He pulled you into a hug and you felt whole again. 

A/N: Just note that I take suicide very serious