Let it go (Pausil)

Telling my secret

For the last week, i was in a deep depression. Not only the fact that Josh died, but also the fact that my best friend is out of town for 2 more weeks and i have no one to go out and "have fun", atleast try to.

And besides, calling Stan over would be too much of a bother for me. We did kiss infront of my house and yes, my mom saw us. But that was all, it's not like i had feelings for him. I didn't want to have feelings for anyone right now.

The first week went too slow, i had no one to talk to at school, well except for Stan but i didnt want to bother him. And i had nothing to do at home, i guess that's what a depression looks like.

,,Tori, dinners ready, come on down." I heard mom yelling downstairs waiting for me at the stairs.

,,I'm not hungry." I yelled at her not to sound like i was lying. I haven't been eating for like 3 days, well except for the few apples and bananas at school.

The phone rang and showed the name "Stan" on it. I didn't want to pick up because i knew, what he was gonna say, but i did it anyway.

,,Hello?" 

,,Hey Tori. You okay?"

,,Yea i'm fine, why do you ask?" I kinda laughed at myself on the inside because i sounded like a depressed little girl that didnt get the big teddy bear at the mall.

,,Do you want to do something tomorrow night?" I walked over to the window and opened it, putting my foot through on the balkony. This was my favourite place in the whole house. I leaned at the fence and stared at the stars.

,,I'm not sure, i think i have plans for tomorrow."

,,Do you? or are you just lying to me right now." I saw Stan stepping out behind a tree and under my balkony. My jaw just dropped wide open, i mean why would he come here and call me if he could've just knocked.

,,Wha.... why.... Stan, why are you here?" I sounded a little pissed but i wasn't, i don't know why i guess i was a little shocked.

,,I'm a pervert staring at little girls through windows." Stan smiled widely and let out a small laugh which sounded more sexy than cute. I couldn't help but smile back at him.

,,Come on up, before my mom comes out with her collection of pan's, because that's what she does when she sees perverts around here." I slightly laughed and watched as he climbed up the small stair next to my balkony. That was the second best thing of the house. When i wanted to be alone or just dissapear for a little while... i climbed down that stair and hided myself to my treehouse. Yep, i had a treehouse. My dad built it to me when i was about 5, i didn't love it at first. But when my dad dissapeared, i started to miss him and that was the only thing that reminded him.

,,So, what are we gonna do.?" I asked him as he practically jumped on my bed, making the noises as someone is having sex on it.

,,Tori! Are you with someone!?" I heard my mom yelling and waiting for my answer. 

,,No mom! I just accidently stumbled on my bed." I made an awful excuse, staring at Stan almost dieing of laughter and couldnt breathe because of it.

,,Oh my god, you are so funny." I said to him with a sarcastic voice and throwing a pillow at him.

,,Oh come on, don't you know how to have a little fun. Atleasted you laughed today." His face became a little more serious than her smiling face. I knew what he was about to ask, and i didn't want to hear it.

,,Tori, i haven't seen you this boring and depressed for like months since i came to this school. I mean, you were the brightest girl in our school with big dreams and good people surrounding you."

He sat up on my bed, patting on the spot next to me, i knew that he wanted me to tell him the whole "why am i like this" story, but i was too anxious to do that. I just wanted to sleep like the rest of the people in the midnight.

,,I know, i'm sorry. I just haven't recovered from all the things that are going on in my life."

,,I get it Tori. but the past is past. I know things happen, but don't let it influence your own life. You got talent, use it, make your dreams come true. Don't let this stop you."

I came to be a little more serious. Okay, alot more serious. I knew i had to tell everyone at some point, i just didn't want to say that yet because i was afraid of an answer.

,,Stan, i need to tell you something. And it's not about you or Josh, mom and Jade. It's about me, that thing, it... changes my whole life i mean, i may not be able to sing again at any point of my life."

I felt my eyes tearing up as i looked up at the expression on Stan's face. I saw a little guilt and surpise in his eyes.

,,What do you mean... you can't sing?" 

,,I have a cancer. The cancer that influences my voice, and if i can't cure it. I'm through." I saw his eyes filling in with sadness. He grabbed my hand and pulled me closer to him, wrapping his arms around me. I couldn't help but let the tears fall as much as they want.