Holding Love

Five Years Later

I arrive at the wedding before any of the other guests.

 I walk into the foyer of the church Clary and I had gone to as kids, glancing around at the old familiar scene. Memories instantly flood into my mind. Memories of me. Memories of Clary.

 Memories of when she could have been all mine. . .

 But those days are gone. She's found someone, and today they are making their vows to spend their forever together. And now I can never have her.

 I internally slap myself as bitter jealousy invades my mind. I've promised myself I wouldn't be like this. I have to be here for Clary. That's the only thing that matters. Clary is the only thing that matters.

 As I search the foyer, I catch sight of Kristen. Clary's mother hasn't aged one bit since I last saw her a couple of years ago. She smiles at me, and I see the ghost of Clary's face in hers. My heart is filled with longing, but I violently push it away into the recesses of my mind.

 I make my way over to Kristen, smiling the whole way there.

 "Austin!" she says excitedly. "You've changed so much! You're an adult now! How have you been? Everyone's missed you so much. . ."

 Kristen goes on about what's been going on in my life and what's been happening while I've been gone. After graduating college, I received an amazing job offer in California, halfway across the country. Whether or not to accept it had been the most difficult choice I've ever made. After much consideration, I'd decided that it was the best I was going to get for a while. I packed my bags, said my goodbyes, and left.

 Clary had taken it the worst. She's the biggest reason I regretted leaving. Neither of us have forgotten the promise I made to her the day we graduated high school. It has never faded, and it's just as serious now as it was then.

 Kristen had thrown me a going away party, and all of my high school and college friends came. It was huge, and fun, but mostly sad. Clary stayed close to me the whole time, and we laughed and talked. We'd had a lot of fun, but there was always an air of sadness lingering. We all knew that I was leaving in the next week, but everyone tried to be optimistic.

 When it came time for the goodbye, Clary hugged me about fifty million times. She even cried a little.

 "Why are you crying?" I'd asked, wiping a tear from her cheek. "I'm not going to be gone forever. Just till I can get my career on the road."

 She smiled tearily. "I know. It's just that I can't imagine life without you. You've always been there, since we were little kids. And now you're moving so far away, and it's going to be so different."

 "I'm just a plane-ride away," I said. "And it won't be different, I promise. I'll call every day."

 "You promise?" Clary asked, cheering up a little. "Every day?"

 "Cross my heart," I'd said with a smile.

 I had kept my promise. Clary had work at the animal shelter every day, and she'd wait for me to call her every night as soon as she got home, she said. Her life was pretty much normal, just minus me.

 Until, that is, Will Becker moved into town. Apparently, he'd taken a fancy to Clary right away, and she'd felt the same way. After going out on a few dates, they'd become an official couple. I almost started to dread my nightly calls, tired of hearing about her precious Will. He sounded like a great guy, but I couldn't prevent the gut-wrenching feeling of jealousy from rising up in my gut whenever she talked about him.

 About six months ago, Clary called me up and told me she was getting married to Will. When I heard the news, my body went numb with shock. This eliminated any chance I had to being with her. But she was perfectly happy. That's what I want, isn't it?