spellbound | book #1 | completed

X X V I I I

[edited: 05/09/2017]

You have failed all of your children now.

Two of your children are filled with darkness, and the other one, the only one that ever had the ability to be good, is bitter and cold because his own mother treats him as a burden.

The words rang over and over again in Hilda's mind until her head pounded and she had to close her eyes to stop herself from crying. Somewhere during the argument between herself and Remy, she had realised that Ackmard had been right. She had treated Maksim wrongly for so long, thinking that she was raising him to be strong and independent; of course, he was those things, but he was also kind and compassionate, and she knew that he did not inherit those traits from Hilda. He had been blessed with a good soul, unlike her other children, and instead of trying to preserve it, she had tried to darken it.

She certainly had failed him.

"Mother, we must talk about what happened earlier." Maksim was stood in the doorway to Hilda's office, an expression of concern on his face. He seemed flushed, as he so often did after talking to Remy, and she wondered what exactly was going on between the two of them. Whatever it was, it was changing him in ways that Hilda never could. He was calmer now, and happier, though his ill temper often overshadowed that. She might have been happy for him if it was not all because of a mortal girl rather than the witch he was supposed to be marrying.

"I do not wish to talk about it now, Maksim," she sighed finally and fidgeted with the papers on her desk to keep from meeting his eye. "There is something else that has been weighing on my mind as of late."

"If this is about marrying Annika, I have told you—"

She cut him off. "No, it is not that, though I do wish to discuss it once the mortal girl has left us."

"I shall look forward to it," he said sarcastically, and sat down in the armchair opposite her desk to face her. "What is it, Mother? Is it about my brother?"

"It is about you." She gazed at him for a moment, at his angular bone structure and red hair that was so much like her own. Then there were his eyes, more his father's, though he had not had silver flecks the way his son did. He was good—perhaps the only truly good thing that Hilda had ever made—and she had never even noticed before. She had been so desperate not to fall back into the darkness that she had barely even noticed the light. Immortals very often felt the burden of wasted time the way she knew mortals must, but she could feel it now, weighing on her chest like a heap of cobblestones. 

"I know that you are disappointed in me for siding with Remy and giving up on my brother, but my opinion will not change."

"And I do not wish it to." She stood up and paced her office, which was full of folders and books she had taken from the Central Hall. When she was not working there, she was working here. It was simply another way in which she had wasted valuable time without realising it. "Maksim, it has occurred to me that I have not been a very good mother to you. All of this time, I have put so much pressure on you. I am too harsh, too cold, yet you have stayed with me always. I do not think I deserve to have you as a son."

Maksim looked speechless, which was a rarity for him. Hilda was finding it very hard to control her own breathing. She had so much more that she wanted to say, but she simply couldn't. The lump in her throat prevented her from doing so.

"Why have you only just decided this?" Maksim questioned finally. "You have been like this for centuries now. It is not as though you have not had plenty of opportunities to change in the past."

"I am too stubborn. After your father left, I became guarded and bitter, and I wanted you to be the same so that you would never be hurt by somebody that you loved. I did not realise that I was doing more harm than good. Then, your brother left and I blamed you for it, because it was easier than blaming myself. I should never have put the responsibility of bringing him back on you. It was my fault, just as it always has been. I am a terrible mother."