Ferry of Woe [malexmale]

Chapter Ten

Chapter Ten

Returning home to an empty house.

Again.

It hurt. I didn't want to be here alone anymore. The eerie creaking of the house, the stove that hissed every so often, providing heat to the rest of the house, the rat scampering across the counters to try and grab up crumbs left over from my cooking session with Alexion.

I should have been getting back to work, but I couldn't bring myself to sit down and concentrate. My heart hurt so much that concentration was far beyond me. I gave up at the desk after an hour and found myself wandering into Kyros's room. I sucked in a sharp breath, standing just inside the door way, looking around.

Alexion had kept all of Kyros's furniture right where it was. He'd cleaned up all the dust and cobwebs. He'd changed the sheets and pillow cases and made it look as if Kyros would walk in at any moment, or Alexion himself. My heart ached as I stumbled in and went to the bed, flopping down and burying my face against the nearest pillow. Alexion's scent on it was heavy and thick. A masculine scent with tinges of cigarette smoke and herbs and spices. I hugged the pillow slowly to my chest, curling up on the bed.

I could feel a sob pushing its way into my throat, but I forced it down, squeezing my eyes shut.

I had to stop this incessant crying. It wouldn't do or help anything. It wouldn't bring Kyros back. It wouldn't bring Alexion back. I wouldn't make things better. It would just make me feel pathetic and awful.

And yet, it was the only thing I kept feeling. I didn't want to be alone. I wanted to have Alexion walk in and bring me food, or teach me how to cook more. I still hadn't learned enough to be on my own yet, and while Alexion promised me he would return to cook me meals and clean my home, it wasn't enough. I knew he wouldn't be able to spend too much time here without getting caught. It was too dangerous.

I sniffed, then jumped, startled when I heard a knock on my door. I seethed in irritation, reaching up to wipe away the beginnings of tears with my thumb as I got up gruffly and went to the door, opening it to see a black skeleton guard standing there emotionlessly.

"You have a run to make." He informed blankly, then vanished in a cloud of smoke. I only clenched my teeth and made my way toward the looming ferry, like a dark shadow. It was the shackle that kept me rooted here and I loathed it. I climbed the steps to the wheelhouse, snapped my fingers to set the barge in motion before I retreated to the captain's quarters with my journal, recounting the last few hours with Alexion.

There was definitely something more than friendship here, but I was too afraid to say what it might be. Alexion would never accept it. Nobody would. It was forbidden, in so many ways. The fact that he was a fugitive, the fact that Hades hated him, the fact that Hades hated me, that Hades wanted me to find a woman, if anyone at all. The list was endless, and the impossibilities were at the end of each one.

An then there was the fact that, Abel could be right. Alexion could have been trying to put up a farce this whole time, trying to woo me so he could figure out how to remove my heart. But as long as he remained by my side, I didn't care. He could be as cruel to me as he wanted, and I wouldn't be able to hate him...

No, I just hated myself for it.

I was pathetic and stupid for feeling like this for him, knowing that he could easily jump me in my sleep and rip my heart out. It might not kill me physically, but mentally... I wasn't sure I could handle that kind of blow. I would be too afraid of being left alone again. Even now, I couldn't stand it.

I was so tired of waking up to an empty house, coming home to it. Starving myself because I couldn't bring about the motivation to learn how to cook, to clean, to do anything basic. I liked being taken care of. It was sad and miserable, but I couldn't help it. It wasn't the laziness of it, or even the lack of motivation. It was the fact that someone cared enough, enjoyed it enough, to actually go through with it. To love me enough to bring me food, to clean my home, to share it with me, to want to teach me.