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My Animal Totem!

I was on one of my astral trips, floating in deep space, doing the backstroke along the Milky Way, when I bumped into another being, who was not there by chance, I should imagine. You see, everything happens for a purpose, only it always seems to elude me! This is not an uncommon occurence, when doing the backstroke, you'll understand, I'm sure. I apologised and introduced myself as Ralphie, the inscrutable... because even I myself do not know what I get up to, most of the time.

The other astral body introduced itself as Fluttering Fig-leaf, apparently a Sha-man from somewhere or other, who also happened to be strolling around that particular part of the galaxy. I inquired as to whether he originated from Earth and to be more precise, from Iran, where I thought(mistakenly) that all Shas came from. The gentleman disabused me of this notion and told me that he sprung from the continent, known as the Americas. I cried: "Ahh, are you one of those wise men, who believe in showing respect to Mother Earth and all living beings?"

He reposted: "More or less, all living beings, minus wise assed pale-faces!" I was a bit put out by this response, for I had not meant to be facetious, but I let it pass. He seemed otherwise friendly and even invited me over to his sweat lodge, to find out my animal totem. I was ever so intrigued and accepted gladly! I thought that my animal totem should be at the very least a bear, a tiger or a dragon even... I wouldn't go for less!

There we were, sweating profusely, ruminating a bit, munching not one bit, for quite a while, I might add, when all of a "SPLAT!" I felt another being enter my consciousness. I tried to feel my way around, but there was not a lot to feel, to tell the truth and I was mystified. This had not turned out to be the mind-boggling experience that I had always imagined it would be! I was a mite disappointed.

When I came out of my trance, I related the happenings to the Shaman and he looked at me in a very thoughtful way. I trembled with anticipation and asked him to please break the suspense, which was fairly turning me into a nervous wreck and enlighten me as to which Totem animal had visited me and claimed me as his or hers, as the case might be.

He told me that I was this most rarest of incarnations, who has an amoeba for a spiritual ancestor! Trust ole Ralphie to have a one-celled micro-organism for an animal totem! Maybe this was why I felt so alienated from the human race at times? I asked His Elevatedness if this was a bad thing and did it make me unusually obtuse!? He wasn't too sure about the obtuseness, but he congratulated me, because this proved to him that I was a shape-shifter, who could grow into anything I set my mind to. After all one-celled marine organisms are what all life on the planet are supposed to have originated from!

This set my mind at ease somewhat. I can now proudly state that I have the intelligence and capabilities of an amoeba! Not many can say that and keep a straight face and to tell you the truth, neither can I! I think the Sacred Spirit in the Sky was having a joke at the expense of yours truly!

P.S.: When the shaman first mentioned this business with the sweat lodge and all, I had already envisioned myself carving a totem pole, to proudly display to the world in my front yard. But how the friggin ' heck do you fashion an amoeba, hey? And do I attach a microscope to the end of the pole? Really!!