Hella Hot

Tears and suffering (*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)

It was early the next morning. 4am to be exact. 4:34am to be very exact. 4:34 and 28 seconds to be exactly exact.

Dan moaned as he slowly started to wake up. He turned to his side to find Phil sleeping peacefully, his mouth slightly open and his breathing barely audible. "Phil" Dan whispered. Phil didn't get up. After silently calling him for the fourth time he decided to creepily watch him sleep instead. "You're so beautiful, Phil" he mumbled. "Open your beautiful eyes for me"

Phil, being the stubborn, lazy shit he was didn't get up and kept sleeping like wow Dan said something real sweet and you just keep sleeping how un-cliche. Dan sighed and kept staring at Phil.

Edward Cullen much.

After a few minutes, Phil began to mumble inaudible words. "Phillyyy" Dan whispered as he lightly shook him. Phil opened his eyes and squinted at Dan's face looking down at him. With his hot ass morning voice, Phil whispered, "Dannyyyyy", laughed and closed his eyes again. It was gonna be sometime until he properly woke up.

•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•.•

It was 6am now and Dan got up. Shocking right? Waking up early? Wowza how productive and responsible. He put on his clothes, walked awkwardly to the kitchen because Phil was such a pain in the ass (hahahahahahah that's such a good pun right?) and slowly began to realize that this was God's house. They had done it in-

"Goooooooood morning! Did you get some vitamin D last night?" God greeted him and winked. Dan blushed and remembered the events that happened last night. "You did it in my bed, you know that right?" God laughed. Dan blushed even harder and mumbled a sorry under his breath. Gosh was he embarrassed.

"Honey, you know that I don't mind. But I am not happy with one thing"
"Uh what is it?"
"What did I say when you called me earlier?!"
"No sex before I get married?"
"But I'll let that slip because it was with Phil and I know you're both gonna get married so"
"Um....okay"
"Want some breakfast?"
"Yeah sure"

God magically made some amazing baecon and eggs and gave them to Dan. "Also," God started, "I need to talk to you about something"
"Yeah?"
"Do you think you love Phil?"
"I guess? I mean it's only been like a day and a half"
"That's not true. Heaven time is faster than time on earth. Phil has been here for a year"

alrighty guys, gals, and others, short lesson on my religion: in Buddhism, one day in heaven is 100 years on earth and I'm basing this off that (not exactly but yeah you get it)

"What?!"
"When Phil met you it was already his fifth day here"
"I'm so confused"
"Heaven time is different, Dan. I never told you this because of the irrelevance of it before but.... is a year enough to fall in love with someone?"
"I think so"
"Dan, you are incredibly obvious. You guys are seriously in love. Please just admit it"
"Yes, okay. I love him"
"I'm happy for you but that's gonna be a problem"
"Why?"
"Listen: Phil is going to stay in heaven. You're a grim reaper. You can only stay here for a limited time. I am extending your time right now in order to talk to you about this. You guys can't live like this forever"
"Isn't there maybe some way you can twist the rules? You're fucking God! Can't you do something?"
"There are things I can do and things I can't. The only other thing I can do is turn Phil into a grim reaper. But you can't work together"
"Please tell me an alternative" Dan pleaded.

God looked at him with an apologetic face. "I'm sorry, Dan. There's nothing I can do"

Suddenly a sob could be heard from outside. Phil was listening to them the whole time.