Musings

1. Kye

Kye. Kye, Kye, Kye... You were the first person to find the sensitive spot on my upper thighs. A fresh thought of you came into my mind every three seconds - it wasn't one or two seconds, I mean that's too short to savour you. And that's where you stayed for the past five years, right in the front of my mind.

Your teeth and your smile and the way your hair fell past your eyebrows made me shudder inside. I would swoon when you looked at me. I desperately vied for your attention. And when I grasped your gaze, my eyes would trace your numerous and deliberate freckles up to your eyes which held me for a few moments.

I wanted to be by your side incessantly. I craved your hands on my body, not even in such a sexual manner but one of comfort and safety. I left myself vulnerable to you. That was a huge mistake, but I insisted that it was the right thing for me. I would never take that back though. I loved the moments thinking of you and speaking to you.

However, I have certain regrets about not meeting you outside of our usual interactions. I don't think I saw you once. The bus was the seemingly loveliest place I'd ever thought to be. Boy oh boy, you and me sitting together on a seat, just past the bendy section - I felt pretty euphoric. Sadly. And so our interactions stayed there and only varied to text messaging, sparse phone calls and the odd MSN chat. Ha, I will never forget that one webcam encounter.

You were really precious to me. I think you thought of it more as creepy or needy, desperate for a piece of you. Really, my intentions? They were just to love you as much as I believed humanly possible. I was probably too available, I was certainly too scared, and I was too shameful for you. I apologise (mostly to my younger persona) for making a fool of myself, as I feel like if I'd acted any other way I could have turned out differently. Improved, perhaps. Wanted, by you. Hell, other guys have wanted this older 'me', but I can't let them have it. They just don't feel right, you know?

I still think of you.

Love, Rose

__________________________________________________________

A/N: Hey to all who have decided to read this! I just want to say thank you very much for getting this far. As this is my first story of sorts, I'm still trying to figure out what I want it to become and what I want to say through it.

I appreciate your comments and critiques and suggestions. Thank you so much for reading and joining me as I share some pieces of myself. 

- P