Sammuel Pickett

Reality Is Pretty Shitty

I think my heart is breakng into a million thousands pieces, and I don't know if I'll be able to put it back together again. If loving someone is a wonderful thing, then why do my heart hurts so much? I know I shouldn't feel this way, I swore I would never feel this way. So why I am? Why can't I just go back when I didn't know anything. When I was to blind and ignorant to see the signs. As they say ignorance is bliss. And my blissfulness has all but run dry. 

I knew at some point in my life I would catch Daniel in the act of mating with someone but I never thought it'd be here. At home, in the bed sleep in with him(even though its not my bed). I knew the day was coming.  I fucking knew it, how could I not? I mean everyone knows Daniel likes sex.

I should of known though. How could I have not known? I can't even sleep without him for heaven sake!

Why do people always realize shit at the last moment? When it's nothing they can do to fix or even change it. I can't even be pissed because it's my own fucking fault. My own fault. 

I'm in love with my best friend. 

And fucking hate it. 

I can't even face him now, how do face the one you love when they only regard you as a nothing more than a friend. I never understood why people didn't just come out and say that they loved someone. But now I do. It's the fear and doubt. The fear of being rejected and the doubt of you guys ever fixing your relationship. If Daniel would to reject me or if we dated and our relationship changed. I would literally shatter. I would just cease to exist because as cliche as this sounds.

"Without you there is no me."

Daniel is it for me. He is my very important person. Forever and ever. Which pains me dearly because before I could even start the forever, it is already over. And makes my heart hurt and gets my head in tizzy and starts all these what if's scenarios. Scenarios that I know will never come true, even if Daniel himself climbed into my head and looked at them. Scenarios I desperately wish was reality because right now, reality is look pretty fucking shitty.