[11] I'm Body Guarding the President's Jerk Son...Who Is HOT...FML!
Jayden's P.O.V. (still)
I blinked, eyes widening. Was I hearing things? Was I going insane? Well, if I was, it wasn't a surprise that she'd be the cause of my insanity.
Carly read my hesitation, flushed slightly, and immediately stood up from the bed. "Sorry...if you don't want to..."
She had turned her back to me, and I fervently made a promise to myself to never let that happen again. She stood before me, her back slightly hunched, as if offering herself some meager protection against the pain I might wreak upon her vulnerable mind.
I shoved off the bed, grabbed her around the shoulders, and spun her around. Her eyes were wide at my sudden ferocity. I quickly closed the distance between us, not wanting to give up this bittersweet chance. This could be the only time she'd ever agree to let me so close to her. This was our twilight zone. The piercing rays of morning could easily wash away the dusky secrets and opportunities this night held for me.
The sweet scent of the strawberry shampoo she used wafted to me across the short distance between us. Though her scent was subtle, it threatened to overpower me and push me across the last few inches to the edge.
I was fully conscious of her soft, warm skin under my hands. How opportune it was that she had left her pea coat in the dining room. I could now see the gentle sheer of her lavender blouse in the dimness of this room.
I whispered, my voice husky from emotion, "I will, if you want me to. But you have to want me to-for real. Tell me why you want me."
Her eyes were wet and large, making her look like a doe caught in the headlights. "Distract me", she said hoarsely.
It hurt that what I considered a pleasure, she simply thought of as a distraction. Yet, if this was all the admission I was going to get, I had best make good of it.
I closed that last gap between us. She gasped softly, whether from shock or pleasure, I couldn't tell. Her lips were incredibly soft under mine. The fresh sea taste of salty tears clung to her, making her sweetness bitter, but in a beautiful way. That small detraction from perfection made the kiss all the more desirable. The wonderfully clean smell of lavender soap assaulted me, wrapping me in its softness.
I felt her wet lashes brush against my cheekbones and I felt the remnants of tears against my cheeks. I drew her closer to me. She stiffened at first, but then relaxed as the kiss deepened.
I tried to be gentle with her-honest-but I soon forgot that the kiss was merely supposed to be a conciliatory one.
I clutched her closer, and wanted her closer still. I selfishly desired her, and though she was right in my arms, I wanted even more of her. Her sorrow never left me, but it took a backseat to the fire that was now blazing. What had started soft and slow and sweet was now almost too painful to bear. Yet that pain was what sustained me. It hurt to want her, because I could never truly be more than just a distraction, but I wanted as much as I could out of this-my first and last chance.
At least I could take delight in the fact that she didn't move away from me. Instead, she wove her fingers into my hair and pulled me closer, as if she could devour me whole. Well, if that was the case, I didn't mind. On the contrary, I took unprecedented pleasure in the nearly painful pull of her soft hands. I caressed her lower back and felt smooth silk slide between my hands. Her breath hitched at my touch and came out in rapid bursts, but I didn't let her surface for more air. Her lips felt like fire against mine and it took all of my willpower not to push her down onto her bed.
Her hands fell down to my shoulders, and she pushed me away gently but firmly. It was a gesture that could not be mistaken for passion. It was a clear motion of rejection. My heart fell at that, but I decided to respect her wishes. I made some distance between us reluctantly.
I gazed into her wide doe eyes and saw a swirl of emotions pass through them. Shock flitted past, a glaze of pain there, a whisper of remorse somewhere. But no pleasure. My heart could sink no further.
"I'm sorry, so sorry," she whispered.
"For what?" I couldn't imagine anything to be sorry for. That kiss-it had been the most amazing few minutes of my life. It had passed in moments and I would want it again and again forever.
She turned and fled to the bathroom before I could stop her. The door slammed shut and I heard the lock click into place. I stared at the blank, emotionless door in shock. The last remnants of pleasure I had felt departed from me now.
I watched the door stupidly for a long while, but could hear no movement or sound inside. It was as if time was waiting for me to leave before it could start again. I left, my legs leaden, feeling oddly empty.
How had something so beautiful and so full of passion turned into something so barren and cold? This question bounced around hollowly inside my skull. The cynical side of me knew already. It was simple, really. The answer was because it hadn't been beautiful and passionate at all for her. It had always been barren and cold, and the meager heat from my own delusional fantasies left me now with a great feeling of dissatisfaction. I remembered her words...distract me.
I found myself in an empty hallway. Where to now? Perhaps I should go raid the brandy cabinet? Surely, it was my turn to ask for a distraction.
(Carly's P.O.V)
I held my breath, not daring to move. I couldn't hear anything outside. Was he still standing there? I suddenly heard dull footsteps padding away from this thin wooden door that was my small shield of protection against him. I let out the breath that I had been holding and slumped against the bathroom door. The cold tiles chilled my legs through my dress pants. I hugged myself around my bare shoulders for warmth and cursed the stupid blouse I had put on for this disastrous night.
Yet, through all the emptiness and coldness, I felt a pinprick of warmth linger inside of me. I rubbed my shoulder gently, remembering how he had spun me around with such ferocity after I had turned from him and hidden my face in shame. I brushed my thumb over my kiss-swollen lips and flushed as I remembered the too-hot feel of his lips on mine. It had been neither easy nor comfortable. Yet the nearly painful quality of it made me yearn for another forbidden kiss. I quickly banished the thought from my mind. No, I couldn't go there. I had obligations and duties.
But it was more than that-more than my job and his position that stood in between us. My heart fluttered within the confines of my ribcage. It was a small tremble, but nevertheless, it shook, and that worried me. I had long thought my heart dead, had long ago given up on ever feeling excitement again. And here, a little kiss had sent earth-shattering emotions through me. Surely, it had not meant so much to Jayden. Surely, kissing poor girls vulnerable with tears and weakened by memories was just another thing he did well and easily.
I was not willing to barter the price of my pain for a small share of ephemeral pleasure...or was I? No, I shook my head at my folly. No, I had already had my dealings with pain-had already taken more than enough to last a lifetime. Don't be stupid, I cautioned myself. I had been weak once, but no more. Better to view lovely perfection from a distance than take a sip from the well of honeyed misery.
I made up my mind and was surprised to find the decision left a note of wistfulness within me. Still, it was for the best. Perhaps, the bright sunshine of tomorrow morning would wash away the pain that was pleasure and the pleasure that was pain from this night.
