Waited For You

Chance

Joelle P.O.V.
I don't know what to think. I don't know what I was thinking trying to compete with a girl that knows Landon like the back of her hand. If she really wanted Landon back, I'm not too sure that she couldn't have him. Landon blocking her out is the only reason she's not around. She's clean, she's doing better and that's the only reason they stopped talking in the first place.
      " How are you feeling," I whisper to Landon and he groans.
     " I made you some black tea," I breath out and I cuddle next to him as I start to rub his stomach.
       " I saw Layla today," I call and he looks up to me.
     " Why," he whispers and I stay quiet for a minute.
      " She was at the grocery store. She told me what you liked and what made you feel better. She's clean Landon," I whisper and he looks up to me.
     " Great to hear,"  he mumbles and I roll my eyes.
      " I don't think she has anyone Landon," I call and he breaths out lightly.
       " She doesn't," is all he says and I lean against the head board.
" Everyone needs someone," I respond and he doesn't talk. He doesn't do anything but lay still in his spot. The only reason I knew that he wasn't sleeping is because his breaths are uneven and I could feel him shift every couple of minutes.
" I needed her," he calls and I look  at the wall.
" She's clean Landon and I just," I start but he cuts me off.
" You what? Because as far as I could remember, you weren't there. You don't know what I went through with her. You don't know what it was like to defend someone that really didn't give a flying f*ck about you or the situation. She doesn't have anyone because she lost the one person that cared. So what did you just think," he asks and I keep my eyes on the wall.
" I do know what it means for someone not to give a flying f*ck about you. Last time I checked, you weren't there either. I know what it feels like to be trying, to be doing everything to make things better and not have anyone cheer you on. I just think she needs someone to Let her know she's being cheered on," I breath out and he turns so that he's facing me.
" How many chances can you give someone Joelle," he asks and the question rolls off his tongue and rings into my ears.
His hands pounding into me, the blood is filling the floor and he's yelling. He's beating me into the ground and the only thing I want to stop is the yelling.
I can't feel the ache in my body or see the blood on the floor because my mind is focused on the yelling. What he tells me is what's breaking me, not the hits because I've learned to deal with them.
" I love you Joelle and you seem to be making me some kind of fool for that. Your mom left you and I'm starting to figure out why," he yells and I black out with one last kick to the stomach.
" I wish there was one answer," I call and we both sit there in silence because sometimes that's the only thing that works.
      " Joelle," I hear Landon whispering to me and I shoot to look at the clock.
    11:36
     "  I think I'm going to stay the night," I call and he looks up quickly.
     " Are you sure, I feel fine," he groans and I roll my eyes.
      "Lay down babe," I call and he turns over to go to sleep.
    ***
   The next morning I hop in the shower and brush my teeth with a spare tooth brush. I put on one of Landon's old shirts and a pair of boxers. I pull my hair up and walk downstairs to make breakfast.
     " smells good,"'Landon kisses my cheek and I turn to him.
    " How do you feel," I ask and he sits down and get some of the black tea I made.
     " Heads still pounding, but my stomachs better, thanks for staying the night," he calls and I look up to him.
        " I'm here for you Landon," I say lowly and he smiles.
      " I listened to you last night, I was listening," Landon admits and I turn to him trying to figure out what this all means.
     " Everyone needs someone to cheer them on," he calls and I stare at him, waiting for him to continue.
      " I just don't think I'm that person anymore," he finishes and I sigh as I turn to the food.
      " But you can't be mad at me for that. I can't let you stand here and be mad because I don't want to give her another chance, that should be my choice. I can't be that support she needs," he calls out and I turn to him.
" Everything takes time," I say lightly and he kisses me.
" French toast," he smiles and I laugh.
" I've been craving it," I admit and he grabs cups for the drinks. We eat breakfast with light conversation which I somehow really missed. Not having to worry about the past or our present, just talking.
" I have church tomorrow," I call to him and he smiles.
" And your dad can't pick you up from here," he acknowledges and I laugh.
" Basically," I smile and he kisses me.
" Then we go tomorrow," he calls as we wash the dishes and I stop washing.
" Together," I ask and he looks over to me.
" Together," he calls and I shake my head.
" we can't go together Landon, my dads going to be there," I call and he shrugs.
" You've met my mom," he proclaims and I nod.
" I met your mom because you didn't want to go see her alone. You meeting my dad is a whole other problem," I call out and he shakes his head.
" You met my ex girlfriend. You've actually met a lot of pieces of my life and I'm starting to think you want to keep me out of yours," he answers and I start drying again.
" Your life has had its problems Landon , but there's a light at the end of the tunnel for you. There's closure. With me, my ex boyfriend could come back at any time. My mom can randomly show up at any time or I could figure out that she's dead. My dad is the only person that makes sense to me. You meeting him is a big step," I call and he smiles a dry smile and nods.
" A step that we aren't ready for," he states and I turn to him.
" I don't want to offend you, Landon I'm just not ready," I admit and he hugs me.
" You tell me when you're ready, you tell me when you're ready to open to me like I've opened up to you," he calls and I can feel the hint of anger.
     " Fear. This isn't about you and me, this isn't about my dad, this is about fear," I breath out and he puts all the dishes away.
      " This is about insecurity. You have your problems just like I have mine, but I've opened up to you. I have insecurities just like you have fear and I've opened to you," he breaths out and his face is so close to mine I can feel the warm air hit my face.
       " You're right," I admit and he sits down at the table.
      " I'm right," he sighs and I lean against the counter.
      " I'm going to head home, Sam is dropping Sammy off in a little bit," I say while kissing him and he doesn't look at me. Maybe he's right. Ripping the bandaid off.
       " wear a black suit tomorrow, I like that on you," I smile and he looks up content.
       " Black suit," he nods with a smile and I head out of the house.