Waited For You

Truth

" Landon what's going on," I ask as I get in the car and he pulls off right away.
" Just when things start to make sense, they want to come in and f*ck things up more," he mumbles and I turn to him.
" Landon, what happened," I ask and his face stays centered on the road.
" I'm taking you back to my house, we need to talk,"he demands and I look at him for a moment.
" Talk, are you leaving me already," I ask as halfway a joke and he shakes his head.
"I'm hoping you won't leave me," he counters and I just lean against the window as I watch the things in the road past us.
      " I want you to trust me," Landon says lightly and I look over.
      " Why wouldn't I," I question and he leads me in the house and sits at the table.
         " Layla came to see my mom recently," he breathes out and I turn to him.
      " Layla is her," I state more than ask and he nods.
      " Layla started doing hard drugs. I tried to stay with her but she started stealing, cheating and lying to get what she needed. My mother hated her from the beginning , but I couldn't seem to let her go. It was something about her, something that kept me by her side for so long. People are saying she's clean now and wants to see me," he says looking at me and I don't know how to feel, if he still feels that way for this girl there is no reason for me to try and compete.
" Do you love her," I ask and he rubs his hands on his face.
      " The girl who put me through hell and back and all I can think about is if she's okay," he mumbles and I look over to him.
         " Then see if she's okay," I say lightly and he looks over to me.
       " She's been clean many times before, all of this sh*t is so she can come for my money. I'm done thinking that she's changed and I don't want to hear her lie to me again," he calls out and I just stare at him.
        " But you care about her," I demand and he can't seem to say anything.
        " I would be okay if I never saw him again. He did everything to make me feel worthless and didn't care if he broke me completely. He was my biggest fear, but I thought I needed him. I would be okay if I never saw Simeon again, but i'd also be okay if I did," I answer and he looks at me with eyes filled with every emotion I've been avoiding.
      " I don't know what I would say," he whispers and I go to sit next to him.
      " Sometimes you can't plan this sort of stuff. You get this chance to say what you've always wanted and not everyone gets that chance. Some closure. Even I wish for that," I admit because the letter that's been sitting in my room all these years wish it could be sent to the guy who almost broke me.
      " Will you come," he asks and I sit back and then look at him briefly.
       " This isn't my past," I say lightly and I can't bring myself to look at him because if I want to be apart of his future I should be able to deal with his past, but I can't. I can't even deal with mine.
      " yeah, it's not, but you seem to be the only one who can keep me sane," he answers and I look at the ground.
      " How was she before everything changed," I ask to try and change the subject.
      " Before the drugs, she was a beautiful girl, so smart.  She would always correct my grammar, irritated the h*ll out of me. She was caring too, would give you her last. I think that's why I couldn't believe she became so selfish," he breaths out and I keep my eyes on the ground.
     " He was loving, brought me flowers and remembered every little thing I said. He was the best looking guy to me, until his smile became scary, everything about him was a lie," I claim and sit back against my seat.
      " You're just as scared as me, you're just as confused as me. Only difference between us is that my past is catching up to me while you're still running," he breaths out and I keep my eyes on the ground because if I look anywhere else my past just might see me.
       " See her, we both don't need to be confused idiots," I joke and put my head on his shoulder.
    " You're right," he says kissing me and I smile.
     ***
   The next morning Landon is up and ready at 5 in the morning. He calls my phone for the third time and I growl as I turn over and answer.
" Early breakfast," he calls over the phone and I can't help but smile, he's anxious and I'd be lying if I said I didn't know the feeling.
" Meet you downstairs in fifteen," I reply before getting up to put on my work clothes and start my day.
***
After a full day of work, tired isn't even the name for what I feel. Tara walked past my office three times just to give me dirty looks, I had three meetings  and Sam dropped Sammy off for a few hours because his unreasonable mother refused to keep him for a little longer.
" I was planning on making dinner tonight," Landon proclaims and I smile to him.
" You can cook too, you truly are my dream guy," I smile and he steps closer as I step back.
" We are at work," I say sternly and he looks around as if he didn't know.
" I'm pretty close with the owner, he won't mind," he winks and I roll my eyes playfully.
" Well I do, I'll meet you at your house once I change," I say and blow him a kiss as I walk off. The rest of my workday is spent in a new plan assessment for a new client.
 
      At the end of my day, I walk up to Landon's house an hour later with some black cut off shorts and my dads bulls jersey.
" Smells good in here," I say walking in and giving him a kiss.
" Thank you, I kind of burned the chicken, but everything else is going pretty good," he smiles and I laugh.
" If I weren't mesmerized by how cute you look with that apron on, I'd question why that bowl of water is bowling over," I smile and he runs to the stove quickly.
     " I had it all under control before you came," he calls out and I laugh.
      " of course, blame it on me," I call out and start attending to the chicken.
      We set up the table and sit down to eat.
     " We need to talk about you visiting me at work," I say with a smile, but I meant it seriously because he's been trying to come on to me at work so much that I'm becoming the talk of the office
       " Self control babe, you need to learn self control," he winks and I laugh.
      " You," I say poking his side and he smiles.
    We put our food in the sink after we finish with light conversation. I dry while he rinses.
" Where did you get this jersey from, old boyfriend," he asks jokingly as he looks over at the over sized shirt and I smile.
" it's my dad's," I laugh and he turns to me.
" it's somehow hot thinking that you don't have pants under them," he says as he pulls me in and I kiss his neck.
" But, I do," he kisses me to interrupt my sentence.
" Let a man dream," he smiles and I laugh as I begin to kiss him heavily. He picks me up and leads me to the couch and I can feel his moan as I hold mine in.
He pushes his hands up my shirt and I take his off. He starts to move closer and I flip into his lap, then pull away.
" Self control," I whisper and he smiles to me.
" I lost that a long time ago," he responds and then leans in to kiss me again, but someone knocks on the door.
" I'll get it," he groans and then opens the door to a woman's appearing in the frame.
" I've been looking for you," she calls out and Landon takes a step back.
" Layla," he breaths out and I stay frozen on the couch.