Waited For You

Help Me

Landon's P.O.V
I'm going out with Joelle and Sams kids because I really can't seem to get her out of my head. She came to my house and blended in with my family better then I do. I shouldn't be surprised because you'd have to be heartless not to love her. I have to admit that I use her big heart in order to get closer to her. I knew once I told her I don't have many friends she would invite me out because that's the kind of girl she is.
I told her I don't believe in love the other night and I'm sure that didn't help my chances of sleeping with her, but with her personality comes the ability to get people to open up.
I told her about my dad. I haven't even admitted a lot of that stuff to myself before that night. It should scare me that the only reason I said I don't believe in love is to remind myself of that fact.
" I love you Landon, you and I are the only people that need to understand that."
I can't get her voice out of my head because she's what I thought love was.
" Please stay, I need someone with me through all of this. Landon I need you through all of this."
I keep letting those words sink into my head until I see Joelle with Sam in her arms. She's worth it, she's worth the haunting feeling I get at night.
" Hello sir," Sam smiles as he gets in the car and I smile to him.
" Hey buddy," I respond and Joelle comes to the front seat.
     " Hi," she smiles over and everything in me wishes I can lean over and kiss her.
    " Hello, where to," I ask and she looks back to Sam before they both yell out the Pancake House.  I can't help but laugh at their excitement.
        " We go to the Pancake house every time I watch him, it's a tradition," she smiles and I nod.
     We walk into the pancake house and I immediately notice one of the boys run to be our waiter.
        He's a decent looking guy I can't lie. He's a tan guy with his hair perfectly spiked. His eyes are this annoying blue that would be cute to girls and it's even more annoying that he's looking at Joelle.
      " three today," he smiles to Joelle, but not before giving me a look I'm sure I only noticed.
     " Yeah, he's a new friend of mine," she proclaims and he seems to breath a little easier since she didn't say boyfriend.
        " Well, I can sit you guys in your normal booth," he responds and we follow him to the back corner.
      " usual for you guys and you," he says looking at me with the same look he gave me at the door.
       " Pancakes and a side of bacon is fine, thank you," I answer and he writes it down before taking our menus.
        " That boy looks like he's going to bite my head off," I laugh lowly and Joelle smiles to me.
      " He's really sweet, so I can't bring myself to tell him I'm not interested," she starts and that somehow helps my mind eliminate some of my racing thoughts.
" I get the Mickey Mouse pancakes," Sam blurts and I look over to him.
" Good choice, is that your favorite character," I ask and he shakes his head.
" I like phineas and ferb," he calls and I nod as Joelle starts to speak.
" So, what do you normally do on a Saturday," she asks and I shrug. Usually I just do more work because it seems to never end. If I'm not working, I'm sleeping with someone or trying to sleep with someone and I definitely can't tell her that.
" Work," I say simply and she looks at me with more sympathy then when I said my dad died.
" What about you , if you're not watching Sam, what's your day like," I ask and she sits back in her seat.
" Besides wishing I had my pancake buddy," she smiles over to Sam which makes him sit a little taller with a smile." I'll just run errands and catch up on tv shows and movies," I proclaim and I nod.
" Well, it's nice to have you guys company," I smile and she can't help but to smile back.
****
Sam is fast asleep in my arms as we carry him up her apartment stairs. We have been out for most of the day and it's just now hitting 8 o'clock. I can't deny that I rather do this on occasion then pinned up in a house with a girl I don't even like and can half way give me a release.
" I had a good time with you today," she says as I lay Sam on the couch and I gleam my white teeth to her.
" I had a good time too, you guys are very animated," I laugh and she starts singing the phineas and ferb theme song like they were earlier today.
I throw a pillow at her playfully and she starts chasing me around singing the song  until we fall to the couch and I cage her in.
     " Now now Joelle we need to calm down," I joke and she squirms underneath me smiling.
      " Don't think you've won because you have me pinned down," she calls and I laugh.
     " What exactly does it mean then," I ask and she stops squirming and looks at me.
      " That you have an unfair manly advantage," she laughs and we both end up staring at each other for a minute as if we are both just realizing the position we're in.
      Once she sees that I'm not pinning her down as hard, she takes the advantage to tackle me back with her pinned on top of me. Before I can even flip her, she starts tickling me and I'm screaming out " Not fair" just as the doorbell rings.
     She hops up and fixes her clothes before turning to me.
     " It's Sam, I don't know if you want him to know you're up here or you can go back to my room," she calls and I shake my head.
     " I'm sure little Sammy will share about my presence anyway," I answer even though I want people to know I was here and that we hang out because for the first time I've found a person that I think compliments me well.
     " Hey Sam, how was work," Joelle says letting him in and he sighs as he complains about how rude the staff is to him and how they make him clean more than what he gets paid for.
    I would be lying if I said that I thought about the janitorial staff a lot because from the outside looking in everything seems nice. They get paid over the usual salary and have benefits. However, being treated as any less then another staff member will not be accepted at my company.
      " oh, hello mr. Marks," Sam says and I can see his look become more and more horrified by the second as he picks up his son.
      " Hello Sam, I'm sorry to hear that people in the company have in any way made you feel degraded and I will make sure to address it as soon as possible," I demand and he nods still full of embarrassment.
     " Thank you sir and I'll see you later Joelle," he smiles and she gives him a hug before he leaves.
       " That was very nice of you, Sam and a lot of the other staff really do deserve to be treated with more respect," she says as she sits on the couch and I sit next to her.
      " Does my noble act make you feel any more interested in me," I say wiggling my eyebrows and she shakes her head, becoming distant for a moment as she had in the bathroom at my house.
     " No, still not interested," she smiles and I laugh.
      " This may be the first time I heard a girl say that to me," I say truthfully and she smiles.
     " Because all the girls your around just want to use you," she claims and I shrug.
     " You're probably right, but I used them so it wasn't like one of us left heart broken,"  I say trying to block off the nagging thought of the one girl who did leave me heart broken.
"I'm trying to get better for you and it seems like every time I try,there's a reason to give up."
    I can hear her voice as broken as mine in that conversation and I'm just wishing it all would stop because her voice is something that can draw me back to a memory I didn't get closure on.
     " Well, I have to go to church with my father in the morning. So, as nice as this night has been I'm saying goodnight," Joelle says and it breaks me out of my thoughts.
     " That's why you won't sleep with me, it all makes sense now," I say putting two and two together and she smiles a bit.
     " Besides the fact of me going to church and not wanting to sleep with someone who has seen more women than a dressing room, you use people for pleasure," she claims and I look at her.
     " I would do way more than use you if you gave it a chance," I say lightly turning to her and her eyes have a sudden fire but misty look that makes her look vulnerable and angry at the same time. My eyes are searching hers with a look that is filled with hope and persuading because her giving into me just once is the only chance I need.
     " You can't love me, so what more can you do?" She asks and I can feel my body shiver from the question that's hanging over my head. I can't give her love and she knows that, me sleeping with her would just end one of my best  connections with someone.
     For some reason my mind doesn't seem to care though because with her this close all I feel is her smooth thigh rubbing against my arm and the angry breaths that for some reason turn me on even more. Only thing is, no matter how turned on I am, the heart I thought that stopped feeling is yelling at me for wanting to hurt the one good pure thing I have.
      " Someone that can't love me , doesn't deserve me ," she says scooting A little closer and her vanilla sent is pouring into me, reminding me that the situation in my pants isn't going to solve itself.
       " I can help you and you can help me ," is all I say before I lean in a little more. She smells so good and her thigh that's rubbing against me is becoming intoxicating. I want to feel her and see her body, but I also want to sit in my car and have random conversation with her or go to the pancake house and watch her strategically cut her pancakes.
       " Ok," she says getting so close to me that my breath hitches a little and my eyes are focused on hers as if it was the only thing in the room.
     " Go home Landon," she whispers and then gets off the couch as if she felt nothing.
     Every part of my body is letting me know that I felt something and when I get home after a long car ride my cold shower reminded me of what I can't have. What she doesn't want.