Hella Hot

Grim Reaper number 69

"Hi, you must be Philip Lester. Perfect! Right on time. Okay, I want you to walk down that hallway, the one right next to where that girl in the Star Wars shirt is standing. Yep, her. Then at the end of that hallway you'll find the Grim Reaper you've been assigned to. He will take you to.... where are you going? .....Ooohh, heaven! I see that you're a good one, are you? Anyway, his name's Dan Howell. He's Grim Reaper number 69"
"Number what?" Phil asked, still in awe of where he was.
"69. Don't have a dirty mind. By the way, he's a bit awkward but you'll get used to him. It's a long way up to heaven so you're gonna want to have someone to lead the way and talk to you. Yep. That's about it. Have a safe journey! Good luck and remember don't piss anyone off or you'll be sent straight to hell!"

What even? Phil looked at his surroundings.

He was standing in a large, dimly lit space. There were a few waiting areas here and there. It was pretty simple. The main attraction, you could say, of the place were the lines and lines of people being guided to different hallways where, Phil assumed, Grim Reapers would lead them to heaven or hell.

Ah, I might want to mention something; just a minor detail to start our story off: Phil Lester is dead. He lived a good life. Nothing real special about it other than his amazing YouTube channel.

That ended years ago after he grew old though. But here in the land of the dead, he looked maybe 20 something; still quite young and alive. Well, not alive but you know what I mean.

Phil died of old age. A peaceful death. And now he was here in this unusual place where he was to go to heaven? "How bizzare" he muttered to himself as he walked down the hall.

"Hi, my name is Dan. You must be Phil"

Phil's eyes widened as he mentally slapped himself. When he thought of Grim Reapers, he thought of those weird, old, gloomy skeletons with big grey capes or something. He was not expecting a man of about his age wearing a Studio Ghibli shirt and black skinny jeans to lead him to heaven.

"Is that Totoro?"
"You like Ghibli Studios too?"
"Yeah, I do, but how-"
"We have wifi here"
"What?"
"You'll get used to it"

Cue awkward silence.

"So, well, um... do you know where you're going?" Dan finally asked.
"Heaven is what they told me"
"Oh great" he sighed. "Exercise"
"Huh?"
"Well, you don't just magically arrive at heaven's gates you have to walk"
"Fuck my life. Or should I say my death"
"Alright let's get going before any more bad jokes"

They started walking and Phil started asking questions. No, not questions like "what comes after?" or "how's heaven?"

He asked for stories. Stories of the dead. Dan seemed a bit surprised but started to retell what he could remember.

"Well, I mean, there was this one girl who died from choking on her bubblegum. She's chilling in heaven right now. Another guy, oh I love this story, he fell down the stairs to hell while we were making our way down and died a second time, if that's possible"

Phil laughed. Maybe this journey wasn't going to be boring as hell anymore.

Haha. As hell.