Not Wanted

Resolution

Dear Journal

It didn't take long for somebody to find me. Tourists always look at everything they can. Feeding their eyes. People started to look at my naked body. All of them had terrified looks in their faces. They were facing what violence does to you. They all took out their touch screen phones and started dialing 911. Nobody even dared to get close to me. They all keep a safe distance. Sirens were heard at a distance. Birds started singing. The sirens got closer. The delicious smell from the near by restaurant hit my nose. Everything was too much for me. I didn't dare to look down, but I just had to. The blood.

I will never forget the blood.

I will never forget the people that hid their kids from me.

I will never the pain I felt trying to get up.

I will never forget waking up in an ambulance with bright lights

I will never forget the face of my mother when I woke up in the hospital

But what I will really never forget, is Sam's smiling face. That was when it was too much and I feel into a deep sleep.

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When I woke up the next day, all I saw was darkness. It was dark darkness. Darker than dark but lighter than complete darkness. I couldn't move. I really wanted to move. I wanted to scream. I couldn't scream. My whole world was falling right in front of me and I couldn't see it.

I wanted to scream. Tears feel down my cheeks. What was wrong with me?

Why couldn't I see? Why couldn't I move?

Then somebody touched my hand gently. Warmth filled me. At that second I knew that everything was going to be OK. I always heard that expression, but I have actually never felt it. It's like everything in the world made sense. All the destruction was repaired.

I went back to sleep.

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Again I woke up, and that hand was still holding mine. I'm sure it never let go for a second. The hand was perfectly made to hold my hand. The warm hand balanced out the coldness of my hand. I opened my eyes and I swear an angel was right in front of me. It was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. Then it started to speak to me. I didn't understand any word of it, but it made me smile. Everything was slowly started to make sense to me. First I understood what they were telling me. Then her image cleared up. SAM. She was in front of me. But how? Sh-sh-she had died. They told me she died. The heart rate monitor started racing and I feel asleep again.

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This time I actually had a dream. Sam was in a restroom. She had just recently opened up her veins and she was lying in the floor with her eyes open. Tears falling down her face. Somebody came into the room and called out for help. My mom was the first one to go in and she screamed as loud as her lungs let her. She froze in place and my father came in and rapidly helped the lady carry Sam out the restroom.

They carried her into a room in which the nurse lead them to. The nurses waited patiently for the doctor as they started to connect her to machines. The doctor came and rapidly started shouting commands. The heart rate beep was heard far away in the background. Everybody was racing to get somewhere. The doctor continue to work on her. Then the heart rate monitor beep played its death note to the whole room.

In the room next door I woke up. One of the new nurses from Sam's room came over to see me. I asked her about what had happened and she told me that a young girl named Sam had just died next door. After she left, I stood up and changed to some spare cloth in my room. I left without anybody noticing me.

In Sam's room, a miracle had just occurred. Her heart beat had just came back. The doctor was still working to stop the blood from leaving her body. Everything was stitched up and now she was suppose to rest and get well soon. My parents stood beside her sleeping body when they heard the news about me.

This time I actually did wake up.

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Sam was in front of me with scrubs on. Her smile was wide and sincere. She didn't ask me any questions, but she did tell me about my condition. I had broken many bones, bruises covered every inch of my body, and I had surgery were I was internally bleeding and where I was raped.

I smiled back at her. She was all I truly needed. With her everything was OK. Every single mistake was corrected. The sun shined brighter than before. The dark didn't seem as dark and the future seemed better.

Journal, today is one of those days in which I remember why I started writing a journal in the first place. I will look back at these last couple of journals entries and see how my life has drasticaly changed. I'm not that perfect high school student that was the most likely to be famous and be in a professional sports team, now I'm just a person that has discovered what he truly wants in his life. This thing was just in front of him. One day when his children are old enough, her would tell this story on how he discovered his feelings for their mother.

He will tell them about the crazy ex-girlfriend, the graduation party, the first rape, the hospital, their mother's near death experiece, the second rape, and the time when he finally confessed his love to their mother when he woke up and saw her in the hospital holding hands with him while wearing scrubs.

Even then, they might also be terrified about all the horrible events that took me to this place now. They will be scared now wanting to find realy love for themselves, but it's my duty to teach them how live.

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Sam and I kissed for so long. The bruises in my face ached, but it was worth feeling the soft touch of her hand in my hair and her other hand in my cheek. Her lips in my lips. It was all really worth it. My parents came in and unfortentlu ended it.

The rest of the day was spent with my parents and Sam in my room. Sam had to spend some time in the mental hospital. All patients that try to commit suicide had to spend some time their. I myself will spend some time their after I recover. Even that didn't seem so scarry anymore because I knew that I would spent alot of that time with Sam.

A couple more chapters and this story will draw to a finale.