Impossible to Forget

Epilogue

I suppose that this is the part where I'm supposed to make deep and emotionally poignant remarks about my life, but I really can't. Having a firm grasp on my emotions has never been a strong suit of mine; something which Anzu and Kakashi feel the need to constantly point out, though they aren't much better themselves. But, I guess that really no harm can come from trying.

However, when I look back on my life, a strange sense of contentment that seems to settle in my bones washes over me. Sure I have a ton of regrets, Toukuro being chief among them, but without what I have lived through, I never would be where I am now. I'd like to think that age has brought me some semblance of wisdom (though there are many people who'd argue that I'm not actually that old), and I've learned that things in life can be painful to forgive, difficult to foretell, and damn near impossible to forget, but that doesn't diminish their worth at all.

If someone told me right after the Fourth Great Ninja War that in a few years I'd have a daughter, be in love with Kakashi, and be the happiest I've been in my since my dad died, I would have laughed in their face. Correction, I probably would have sent them off to get a physiological evaluation and asked the Hokage to give them time off from missions. But, facing your not-actually-dead mother and all of the demons of your past that you tried your whole life to forget can really change a person. Trust me, I'd know.

My day to day life itself hasn't really changed that much. I'm still the first person in the office everyday and overwork myself as much as ever. Although, Naruto's oldest, Boruto, just started at the Academy, and Kakashi seems to think that his former student is almost ready to become the Hokage. That lazy pervert is all too happy to retire. And when he does, I'm probably going to retire as well. What I'm going to do in retirement in order to keep myself from going insane from boredom is yet to be decided.

Anzu is doing well too; she spends most of her time on missions or at the hospital, and I'm afraid that my workaholic lifestyle has been passed onto her. Every time I see her, I'm proud, though. She's a chunin now, and both Lady Tsunade and Kakashi complain about how old they feel every time she follows around Sakura, who's taken her on as her apprentice in much the same way that Tsunade trained her. I'm happy that still today, Anzu completes most of her missions with her original team, and Jukouro has done a good job as a sensei at keeping the team together. Though, Anzu and Tadao are particularly close and present oh so many opportunities for me to tease her.

Wow, talking about my now almost an adult daughter makes me feel older than dirt. In ninja terms, I have lived a really long life.

Forever is impossible. I know that now. Toukuro and I attempted that, and you know how it turned out. But sometimes it really is worth a try because, as Kakashi had told me one day while eating boring mission rations, when you find the people that you truly care about, it's all worth it.

I honestly don't know why I wrote this all out to you; it's not like you're ever going to be able to read it. I guess that I've grown soft with age. But you always did take the time to listen to me when I was younger and no one else cared to listen, and frankly, I feel silly and a little ridiculous right now. I mean, who writes a letter (is it even a letter anymore at this point) to some one who's been dead for years, but I made that promise at your funeral, and some part of me really wants you to know that I kept it. Only now am I realizing just how petty and absolutely ridiculous that sounds... Although, Kakashi has been urging me to find a healthy way to cope and standing in front of the KIA Memorial really isn't for me. Maybe some day I'll be able tell you all of this in person, but I hope that you don't mind waiting a while, Sakumo. I'm not quite ready yet to move on. I finally have something to live for now; I hope that you don't find that selfish of me. Well, I'm going to wrap this up now; if I said anything more it'd just be redundant. I'll see you when I see you.

With love,
Kaiyo Hatake