Waiting for the Sun ✓

Chapter Eleven

[This is the newly re-written version of this chapter]

When Lori called us all out for dinner later that night, all I wanted to do was run straight out the front door and never look back. I was exhausted and the last thing I wanted to do was pretend for my family that everything was completely fine.

We all sat down around the dining room table. Silence settled over us like a grey raincloud pinned to a stormy sky. This wasn't unusual in our household. Whenever Dad was around, none of us felt comfortable saying or doing anything in fear of facing his wrath.

I didn't understand why we still ate dinner together. We weren't a real family. A real family needed love to survive, and love hadn't stepped foot in our house in years.

Our mum had always liked it when we ate together as a family. She said it was the only time when she got to be with all her favourite people at once. Even though Lori, Esther and I hadn't been close to our dad even when Mum was alive, life had been much simpler back then. Dad rarely lashed out at us and when he did, Mum was there to fix everything. She had been the glue that held our shattered family together.

Now, we had long-since fallen apart and the pieces no longer fit back together. None of us seemed to want to try, anyway. I'd made peace with the chaos I lived with. I couldn't imagine things any other way anymore.

I was almost finished my serve of pasta bake when Dad placed his cutlery down beside his half-eaten plate of food. The movement was subtle, yet it held weight. Unease slithered into my stomach, twisting my insides together.

Let the chaos begin.

"The school called me today about you, Lacey," Dad began in an even tone.

I placed my own knife and fork down with shaking hands. My heart stuttered in my chest and the oxygen fled from my lungs. The grey rain cloud hovering above us lowered, attempting to smother me.

Lori shifted in her seat and fear wavered in her eyes like a shadow wavering upon a wall.

Dad exhaled slowly, looking up from his plate and directly at me. "They said you're late to school every day and that you're almost failing all your classes."

My sweaty hands clamped together under the table. I saw the moment the anger entered my dad's eyes. Right then, the anger was only a spark, but I knew it would soon flicker into a flame.

I didn't know what to do. It wasn't as if the school was wrong about me. I was late a lot and I was practically failing. I wanted to change things, but I didn't know how to.

I didn't know how to be anything other than a whirlwind of disappointment.

"They were saying something about a possible suspension," Dad continued, his tone still terrifyingly even.

"I-I'm sorry," I stuttered. Useless words, but it was all I could get out.

Dad slammed his palm down atop the table. Plates and cutlery rattled loudly, and all three of us jolted.

"Shut up. I don't want to hear a single word out of your mouth," he snapped. The anger alight in his eyes made all the words scurry away from me. "Do you have any idea how expensive school fees are? I pay them, not you! The least you can do is actually try."

I nodded.

A bitter laugh escaped his mouth and he shook his head. "Who am I kidding. You've never tried, not once in your entire life. All you do is leech everything from me. You did the same with your mum."

Dad's chair screeched against the tiles as he stood up. He stumbled slightly before he righted himself.

He's drunk.

I wanted the ground to swallow me whole.

"Dad, she does try," Lori said softly.

"Shut up!" Dad snapped.

I flinched, and so did my sisters.

Dad's eyes landed on me once again. Disgust flickered through them. "Your mum would be as disappointed with you as I am. You're a failure. A waste of space. All you do is ruin everything for everyone," he slurred.

The words slammed into me, sharp and relentless. It wasn't anything I hadn't heard before. It wasn't anything I didn't already believe.

"I'm sorry," I whispered those useless words again, knowing they wouldn't even make a difference.

"I told you not to speak!" he yelled. He stormed around the table and yanked me to my feet. A sharp pain raced down my arm and his grip tightened around my wrist.

"Dad, don't," Lori pleaded, rising from the table.

"Shut up!" he roared. "Shut up, all of you!"

A shaky breath slipped from my mouth. My whole body was trembling like the earth right before an earthquake struck.

"You're worthless. I wish you didn't exist," Dad spat vehemently.

Dad released my arm and I stumbled backwards. In the space of a breath, his hand struck out and connected with my face. I dropped to the ground as shards of pain coursed through me. He struck me again, so hard that the world shook.

I gasped for air that wasn't there. My chest constricted painfully. I blinked, but everything was blurred.

"Dad, stop!" Lori screamed.

"This is your fault," he ground out.

He didn't hit me again, though. Instead, he lumbered over to the front door. A car engine roared to life and tires screeched down the road.

"Lacey," Lori breathed.

Her hand brushed my cheek and pain flared beneath it. I whimpered and blindly swatted her away.

"Let's move her to her bed," Lori said. Her voice shook with fear.

My sisters hauled me to my feet and the world titled.

"Is she going to be okay?" I heard Esther murmur.

"She's strong. She will be," Lori whispered.

I didn't have the heart to tell her she might be wrong.

If Dad didn't kill me, this world might, and I wasn't sure I was strong enough to fight it anymore.