What You Want Me To Be (Lauren Cimorelli Story)

Christina

Christina's POV

Today is November 12th, 2014. One year since she died. One year since she left us. One year since she killed herself... because of us. Yup, that's right. Today's the one year anniversary of Lauren's death. We're also going to a memorial for Laur today.

We all dressed up in black and dark blue. We were all currently getting ready to go to the cemetery, where the memorial will be held. Yes, I know, we could've done it in our own house, but who cares?

I sat on the piano bench, with my eyes on the keys. I remember the day when she asked me to teach her how to play the piano. She was 4, and I was 12. I remember picking her up and sitting her down on my lap. I remember how she automatically smashed her fingers on the keys just as soon as she could reach them. She was so cute. I remember how I teached her the basic chords, and she immediately understood and picked it up. She learned how to play the keyboard really quickly.

Oh God... I miss her so much.  I miss her so much. I want her to come back. I want to have her in my arms again. I want to see her smile again. I want to hear her voice again. I want to hear her laugh again. I just want her back. Is that too much to ask?

I looked up at the ceiling, and I imagined seeing Lauren's face. I could see her looking down at me. At all of us. I know that she's happy, up there, and that's really all that matters. She was miserable, so sad, so unhappy, and so broken when she was still here, with us. At least now, she's in a better place. I'm happy, if she's happy

-------------

We soon arrived at the cemetery, after a good 15 minutes of silence in the car. We all walked up to Lauren's tombstone. Once we got there, Joey slowly put the roses we bought for our late sister on her stone, and we all sat down around it. We all joined hands, and our dad started to recite prayers.

-------------

"If you have something to say to Lauren, please go on." our father told us as he finished the prayer. Mike quickly stood up and cleared his throat. It was pretty obvious that he was trying really hard to not cry in front of us.

"I'll go first." he choked out. We all nodded and looked up at him as he cleared his throat again and took a deep breath.

"Well... Lauren... it's been a year since you passed away, since you decided to end all of this. I miss you. You were my little sister. I watched you grow up, I watched you learn how to sing, I watched you struggle to fit in.

You were a beautiful human being. You had a big heart, and you loved to help others. You were shy, you were quiet, you were sarcastic, but that's what made you special. I watched you grow out of your shelf, over the years. I watched you perform on all of those big stages. I was there when you won your very first Teen's Choice Awards.... just three months before you gave up.

Lauren, I'm your older brother. I should've been there for you. I knew that you were hurting, and as a brother, I should've protected you. I should've comforted you, but I didn't, and now it's too late. Laur, we've had a couple of fights, nothing too major, but one day, you just stopped talking to me. Whenever I tried to have a conversation with you, you just pushed me away. So one day, I stopped trying, and that was the stupidest thing I've ever done.

Lauren, you'll always be my special little Lorenzo. I love you so much, and I'll never stop loving you. I hope you forgive me for all the things I've done to you. Rest in peace, little sis." Mike said, his voice cracking multiple times and tears on his cheeks. We all were in tears, even the little ones. My older brother looked down at our deceased sibling’s grave and broke down. My parents made it him sit back down as all of the other kids looked at me. Well, I guess it’s my turn now. I got up and suddenly felt really uncomfortable. Every single member of my family is staring at me right now. How am I supposed to do this? It’s too hard.