What You Want Me To Be (Lauren Cimorelli Story)

Lisa

-2 months later-

Lisa's POV

I looked at Lauren's bed. It was empty. She wasn't on it. I sighed and my eyes started to water as I stared out the window. I was currently in the bedroom that I once shared with my little sister. It's been two months. Two months since she left us. She left BECAUSE of us. Ugh, how could I be so stupid? I should have helped her. She needed me so badly, because she knew that I already went though this. How could I not see that she was in so much pain? How could I not see that we're the ones who caused it? Her behavior obviously changed drastically, but I've never really noticed until RIGHT before she died. Was I that blind? I could have saved her.... but I didn't.

Everyone's handling Lauren's death... in their own way. My parents are heartbroken. They're always in their bedroom, crying their eyes out and blaming themselves for hurting Lauren so much. It's been two months and they're still acting that way. They don't talk to us anymore. They don't even eat dinner with us. Every meal since Lolo's passing, they just pick up a plate full of pasta and go up in their room. By the way, pasta was Lauren's favorite food.

Michael.... he changed a lot. He stopped working out, like, completely. He even quit his job as a trainer at the gym. He's become a lot more like Katherine. Mike's very poetic, calm, and deep now. He writes poems daily. He's also more into music now. He wrote a lot of deep and emotional songs, that are all somehow about our late sister.

Christina... she's just absolutely devastated. She lost her birthday twin, her Robin, her buttface. She lost her other half. She lost her assistant. Christina is an introvert, now. She's not really bossy anymore. She also locks herself in her room and stays in there everyday, for most of the day, doing who knows what. She barely ever talks to her siblings anymore. She once told me that she's just scared to hurt one of us just like how she hurt Lolo. Luckily, Nick and Christina are still together. He's been helping my older sister a lot. He visits us way more often than before. He's always there for Chrissy. He's her shoulder to cry on. I'm just happy that Nick's helping Christina. She's been feeling a lot better lately, thanks to him.

Katherine... she's still the same old Katherine. She's still into poetry. She's still into writing and reading. She's still incredibly motherly and ridiculously funny. She makes us laugh, cooks us dinner, and takes care of us, just like when Lauren was still here. She's kinda a motherly figure to all the younger ones, since our real mom never comes out of her room to take care of them. I think she's the one who barely changed since our sister's death. Katherine is a little quieter, though.

Amy.... Amy's super quiet, now. She's introverted too. She's always sitting in a corner, watching our old videos on her phone or on our laptop, and cries at the end of every single one of them. She watches them just to hear Lauren's voice, to see her smile, to see her laugh, to see her happy. Amy cries herself to sleep almost every single night. I often go check on her at night and she's always mumbling something, like she was apologizing to someone. One night, I stayed a little longer in her room to know who's she apologizing to. I'm sorry Lauren. Please forgive me! After that, she bursts into tears. She dreams about Lauren every night.... I also always find her in the music room. She's always there playing guitar, writing songs, or singing. I heard her sing one of her originals, one time. I knew it was about Lauren and how much Ames misses her. Not gonna lie, it made me cry too.

Alex... well, he's been acting pretty weird, lately. I mean, he's always outside of the house. I barely see him around here. Alex and Lauren were always pretty close and they used to go everywhere together, so I think that he's always out going to places that Lauren and him used to hang out at. My little bro changed a lot. He became super secretive and incredibly quiet. When he's at home, he's always up in the attic, looking at our old family pictures and our old home videos. He doesn't like to hang out with any of us, anymore. He just wants to be alone all the time. He's worrying me...

Dani... she has matured a lot over the past two months. She's a little less hyper than before, but she's still pretty loud and she still brings that youthful energy in the house. Dani seems to be happy and is doing a pretty good job at moving on, mainly because she knows that that's what Lauren would want. Of course, she has a couple of breakdowns. She lost her best friend. Her breakdowns are always the most painful to watch. I know that Dani is dying, on the inside, but she's moving on. She's letting Lauren go. She's doing what Lauren asked her to do if anything ever happened to her. I'm so proud of my youngest sister, and I know that Lauren is too.

Christian... he's the oldest of the younger boys, and certainly the wisest. When the three young boys asked us where Lauren was, we told them that she's upstairs, with God. Nick and Joey didn't really get it, but Christian quickly understood what we meant by that. Chris is still the same. Still the same wise, deep, and funny little guy. He matured a lot, too. He has developped an interest in songwriting and poetry. He wrote a couple of songs, and they all have so much meaning to him. I would often find him strumming a couple of chords and singin some of Lauren's favorite songs. He tells me every night, before he goes to sleep, that he misses Lauren, and that he wants her back.

Nick... it took him quite a while to realize that Lauren's gone, forever. Once the news hit him, he broke down. Nobody was able to console him for like two weeks. Nick is now a really intellectual guy. He became a bookworm. He gave up on football and swim team. He likes to write a lot. He used to be Mr. Tough Guy, but now he's softer and more sensible. He still talks a lot and jokes around, too. He told me that he's been writing letters to Lauren every day. He would tie his message up to a balloon, go outside, and he lets it go. He said that he would stare at the balloon for a while as it flies up into the sky. He told me that one time, Lauren wrote him back. He would say that he misses Lauren, every night, just like Christian. He would blow a kiss to the sky and he would pretend to see Lauren catch it. It's so cute.

Joey.... is still Joey. He's still completely into sports, unlike Nick. He's still that young and bubbly little boy. But at night, he cries. Every night, he would come to my room and sit on Lauren's bunk, and he would cry. Joey would grab Lauren's pillow and hold it tightly to his chest. He would take one of Laur's snapbacks and he would put it on his head. He would open our closet and he would stare at the clothes Lauren would usually wear. He told me that he would imagine playing around with his older sister, just like they used to. He told me that he would always imagine Lauren smiling at him, whenever he's feeling down. Joey cries himself to sleep almost every night. He dreams about Lolo every night. Joey said that he misses everything about Lauren, especially her hugs, and that he'd do anything just to see her one more time.

And finally, there's me... I don't really know what changed in me. I know that I'm not really quiet anymore, and that I kinda became the band leader. Everyday, I would spend at least half of my day at the cemetery. I would sit down next to Lauren's grave and I would talk to her. I would tell her how's the family doing. Everyday, I go there and tell my little sister that we love her, and that we miss her dearly. I would sing her a little song every time I visit her. At the end of each visit, I would look up at the sky and stare at the clouds. I would imagine seeing her face. She'd be smiling at me, and then she'd fade away. Every time someone asks me how many siblings I have, I always say 10: 9 here, and one in Heaven.

We told our fans that Lauren has passed away one month after her death. They were all shocked. And then, the next thing we know, they're trending things like #RIPLaurenCimorelli on Twitter, or they're making edits of Lauren with angel wings and a halo over her head and posting them on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook. They started to tweet things like "I lost one of my idols, but Heaven gained a beautiful angel." Those tweets always make me cry, because they were so accurate.

Heaven did gain a wonderful angel...

Author's note: Hey guys! Hope you enjoyed this chapter! This takes place two months after Lauren commited suicide in front of her sisters, and it kinda shows you how each family member is handling grief. I will do a chapter in all of the sisters' point of views, and the next one will be in Dani's POV :)

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Oh and please go read Finally Breaking Free!

BYEE <3