Magic || larry

16

Everything feels plastic. From their smiles to their words. Harry can feel everything slipping between his fingers. He hasn't had a fight with Ricky in two weeks but they're not necessarily happier. They're not necessarily anything.

They follow this routine every day with bland tastes in their mouths. They eat breakfast together, Ricky goes to work, Harry cleans, they eat dinner together, they make love, they sleep and then repeat. It's a cycle Harry has always wanted. No yelling. No accusing. Ricky is always home and here for him but it's not what he wanted. There's no love and giggling like he imagined. It's almost awkward.

Harry kisses him as the man prepares to leave and Harry let's out a small sigh once the car is gone from the driveway. Why isn't he happy with this? Why isn't he jumping for joy that they're getting along? He realizes quickly that it's because he doesn't believe it. Why should he? Ricky is so good at acting the part that Harry wants and then trashing it. Harry remembers the beach trip vividly.

The sickening part of it all is that he knows the man was madly in love with him once. He knows the honeymoon phase fades away but it shouldn't turn to this. It shouldn't have turned to cheating and yelling and miscommunication. It should have been silent understanding that they didn't have to always give gifts and say kind words to prove their love. Harry loves him. He honestly can't help that. The way his heart flutters when he catches glimpses of the man he had first fallen in love with is proof of that.

Ricky had been what he needed. Harry only ever had his mom's constant boyfriends as men in his life and he watches his mother get pushed around by them. He swore to never be her, just like Ricky swore to never be his father. It's funny how history repeats within a family tree.

Harry moves to clean the breakfast dishes, his eyes subconsciously looking out the window to find him. He scans the yards until finally, he spots Louis in his driveway. The man is with his friends and they appear to be leaving for school. Harry watches at they laugh with one another and how they make it look so easy to be so happy.

Harry thought that when he found Ricky he would find that. He would find that hidden thing that everyone else seemed to have that could make them smile like the sun. The thing that makes your brain stop wanting to cry and hurt and just smile. That's the part that hurts the most too. Harry got a taste of that. He got a glimpse of the feeling the first year with Ricky. The hidden thing has been Ricky's smile and the way he said his name when in the dark of the night, pulling him closer. That glimpse is probably the worst hurt he's ever received from Ricky because it's the one thing he'd do anything to have back.

He keeps watching Louis his eyes never wanting to leave him. He's still standing outside their car, his body leaning on the side. Niall is next to him, talking wildly about something Harry can't even pretend to know. His breath catches though when Louis turns his head and their eyes meet through the window. Louis smiles instantly, his face delicate and warm in the fall sunlight. His eyes are pulled away by Niall again and Harry uses the small distraction to move himself from the window and away from the one person who is making him feel something again.

Harry - even as a young kid - gets lost in beautiful things. His love for flowers started at a young age when he went to a public garden with his school. When he was a teen he used to love to sit at bus stops and watch all the different types of people get on and off. The beauty of how every person was different and yet the same, blending together would help him drift away. Now he gets lost in the beauty of people. Ricky with his want to help others but not being able to help himself. Louis with his love for the world and how you can see the love in return shine in his eyes.

Harry can't find the beauty within himself though. There's nothing about him that makes him remarkable or different. No one ever has and that's when he found Ricky too. This man who wanted to listen to him, hold his hand, kiss his lips. This man who told him how truly beautiful and special he was. This man who made stars dance in his eyes and flowers fill his veins. This man who made him feel so big and strong to just take it all away.