Broken heart of a warrior (ON HOLD)

Prologue

Many questions around one single word, LOVE. What is love? What does it mean? What is the purpose of love? Will I ever fall in love? Will the person I love, be the right one? Does my family love me? Am I lovable?  Can I truly be loved by someone?

That word love means that one develops strong feelings, affection meant for another, cultivates a strong personal attachment designed for another, and molds separate identities into one. Love is supposed to be something beautiful, amazing, kind, and passionate. Love is subsistence it is what keeps us united, secure, and committed to another.  It is what helps us go on and survive when everything else is stripped away.  Love should exist between family, friends, and lovers. Love should be unconditional and expected.  Love should not have restrictions or limits, if you truly love, you love them in spite themselves, and you love for the big the bad and the ugly.  Their failure and poor choices, the disappointment when they let you down has little impact on the love you share.  It is a choice either you love or you do not.  Love exists and everyone deserves to be loved. 

I thought that was true.  That is what I believed.  It is what I learned from all the books and hours of time I shared with my dearest companions.  It is what I dreamed.

But let me tell you something. It´s a big lie!

Love the one thing I believed could not fail me.  It is the one thing I held onto.  It is one thing that I took for granted.  It is what I valued, cared for, held most dear, and ultimately craved.  However, it is what crushed me.  What did I do to fail love?  It has been the cause of such excruciating pain.  The kind of despair where you can’t breathe, where you curl into a withering mass and beg for it not to be true, you scream for rescue for drop of hope.  It’s the kind where your soul dies and you wither into nothing and no longer live.  It’s a pain where there is no escape, no safety and no faith.  All because love failed me!  But you hear my words, and you hear me loud and clear, I survived and I am alive!

This is my story about my life. It’s about existing despite the devastation, the loss, and the pain.  It’s about living for death is just not an option.

But, there is one thing I did not tell you that you might want to know.  It is what makes me different.  I am a werewolf and yes we have mates. You see it is true what they say about us, we love with a passion and bond with our love beyond what any human can conceive.  The love of a werewolf’s mate is powerful that living without them after you have met is unbearable.  Often it leads to their death.  The lucky ones that survive the initial loss become rogues for the rest of them it is a much worse fate.  We become shadows in this world, where you no longer feel, you no longer fear and you no longer have care.  There is no remorse and existing is all that remains.

What I have become I lay at the feet of those whom I once loved.  There is no shame in what I am, but is there love for me, even after what I have become?  Till the answer is known, I have chosen to submit and wait to see what fate has decided.