Nothing to Lose (BWWM)

Twenty Nine

It wouldn't stop echoing in his ears.

He couldn't stop listening to the voice message.

His surroundings were a blur as his stiff fingers pressed '2' on the keypad.

"I-I don't want to tell you this on the phone. Over a voice message, for Christ's sake. You should be here. Ah, God-."

"Vincent." Her gentle voice said, putting a hand on his shoulder.

He wasn't even aware that she had been standing there for the past 2 minutes, watching him as he continuously tapped the button to repeat the message. He hadn't moved from his position in the doorway. He hadn't uttered a single word.

Like a robot, he put his phone to his ear, listened, pressed the screen and repeated the process.

Vincent turned when he felt the weight of her hand on him.

His eyes were distant, she noticed. He was there but he wasn't there.

"It's 5:34 now, I'm not sure whether the hospital will let us in or not but it's worth a try." Imani spoke slowly and softly as if speaking to a child, trying to soothe him. "Let me go get some clothes and then we can leave."

Vincent barely gave her a nod - simply moved his head slightly as she hurried up the stairs.

She let out a huge sigh as she retrieved their clothes. He was going to need her more than ever and she was ready to be there plus more.

But she couldn't help but feel an overwhelming amount of guilt over her head. If it wasn't for Vincent being busy messing around with her - he would have answered his phone, gotten to the hospital and at least had time to say goodbye to Lily-Ann.

Instead he was too busy trying to please her and her selfish needs that he didn't get to do any of that.

Imani grabbed the items after sliding on a pair of sweats and buttoning up the shirt she had on. There was no time to waste trying to look presentable. She had to get Vincent to the hospital quickly.

Running down the stairs, she returned to the spot where she had left him, only to find him fidgeting with his fingers and shaking his leg.

"Here are your clothes." He got dressed quickly and stood up, still not saying a word.

Vincent grabbed one of many keys on the side table and waited until Imani was ready to go before he walked towards the garage.

Before he got into the car, Imani stopped him with a hand to his arm and turned him around. She stepped in and wrapped her arms around him tightly.

He hugged her back, finding extreme comfort in her arms.

"It gets better with time." She whispered in his ear. "Okay?"

Feeling him nod, she pulled away and stepped inside the car.


The drive was dead silent.

Vincent didn't speak.

Imani didn't want to force him into speaking.

And there was hardly any time to have had a full conversation as he sped down the streets.

They reached the hospital in record breaking time and Imani was slightly getting worried at his silence. She expected him to go crazy. She expected cursing, yelling and smashing.

Not silence and an eerie calmness that scared her.

"Excuse me sir, visiting time isn't until- SIR!" The receptionist yelled out after they hopped off the elevator on Lily- Ann's floor.

Vincent ignored her as he stalked towards the room.

He could hear his heartbeat in his ears.

His fingers wouldn't stop twitching as he neared the hallway.

The sound of his pacing heart drowned out the voice of the receptionist.

He hoped that it was all a horrible joke. Giovanni's way of getting him to come to the hospital. Although it would be a bad joke, it would be better than the nightmare he seemed to be walking into at that moment.

Every one of his hopes was squashed when he saw Marco seated on the floor, head in his hands, clothes dishevelled. Two other people, whom Imani guessed were family members, sat on the chairs.

"Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to-."

The curly haired man lifted his head and his eyes met his cousin's. "Vincent, I am so so sorry." He started, shaking his head repeatedly. His face was tear stained and his hair messy. "I am so so so sorry."

The receptionist, realising what was going on, decided to leave them.

"Where is she?" Vincent croaked and it was the first thing he had said since he heard the news.

"They've t-taken her to the morgue but , um, they're just clearing her room." He stuttered.

"Where is he?"

Giovanni.

"He's in the room. He's locked himself inside there since they removed her... Since they removed her body. He won't let anyone in there."

The door to Lily-Ann's room flew open and Giovanni stood in the doorway, eyes red and puffy.

"I thought I heard you Vincent."

Vincent didn't bother greeting him, he instead pushed past him and stood in the hospital room.

"Vincent, they took her body already. All of her stuff is still there but-." He finished with a sob as he wiped his eyes.

He watched as his son not only ignored him but lifted a few items, stared at it before placing it back down.

Giovanni finally noticed Imani who was standing beside Marco, tears swimming in her eyes. "Hello Imani, I'm sorry that we have to see each other again under these circumstances."

She nodded and smiled sadly.

"We tried to call you too but we couldn't get through to you. We tried everything we could to get to you." Giovanni said.

When she heard a smash, she jumped and everyone else looked towards the noise as well. Vincent was breathing heavily, his fists clenched tightly.

"You didn't try hard enough."

"Vincent, this is not the time to-."

"YOU DIDN'T TRY HARD ENOUGH!" He yelled. "You tried everything?" He chuckled bitterly. "Bullshit."

Giovanni frowned at his son's outburst. Marco moved off of his spot by the wall and approached his cousin cautiously. "Vincent he's right man, we did-."

"No you didn't." He repeated, shaking his head. "No you fucking didn't!"

Imani flinched at his harsh words as Giovanni faltered. The 53 year old sighed heavily.

"Vincent I understand that you're angry and you're still in shock but please try to understand that we did do all that we could to get you."

"Really?" Vincent asked menacingly. "Did any one of you think to come to my house? Huh?" He exclaimed as his other family members looked away. "HUH?!"

"Vincent you need to calm down a little bit so that we can explain it all to you."

He didn't want to listen.

He didn't care.

As far as he was concerned, his family didn't care. They never cared

"I was going to come to your house but I had to stay with the baby." Vincent thought he was hearing things. Turning his head slowly towards his father, he narrowed his eyes. "Which is another thing I wanted to tell you." Giovanni mentioned, smiling wearily. "Heather had the baby earlier this evening."

Giovanni didn't have enough time to blink before he felt his body slam into the wall and saw a raging Vincent in front of him, holding him up by his collar.

"Is that the reason why you didn't bother to get your son to tell him that his mother had died? Because your bastard child had been born?" He spat maliciously as Marco tried to pry him off. "Do you even care that she's dead?"

"Of course I do! Vincent, how could you accuse me of no-."

"YOU CHEATED ON HER WHILST SHE HAD CANCER!" Shouted Vincent, his anger and disgust for his father pouring out. "Spare me your fake tears. I don't need them."

Imani, deciding that the situation needed to be diffused quickly, walked up to Vincent and reached for his arm. "Vincent stop!" She whispered, touching him gently.

He shrugged off her hand and let Giovanni go after pushing him once more.

Looking around at the damage he had caused, Vincent ran a hand through his hair and swore under his breath.

He had to get himself away from the situation.

Backing away slowly, he rushed out of the waiting room and disappeared.

Marco gulped as he helped his uncle back up onto his feet.

"I am so sorry about that Giovanni." She apologised as he looked as if he was about to cry.

"I just wish he knew everything." Giovanni muttered as he walked away, shaking his head.

She needed to get to Vincent before he did something irrational. Excusing herself, she ran down the hallways looking for him.

Stepping outside, she huffed as she couldn't locate him. Reaching for her phone to call him, she realised she had left it in the art room.

It dawned on her that perhaps Vincent didn't want to be found and wanted to be alone so she decided to give up her search for him, returning to the others instead.


Vincent let out the breath he was holding as he watched her go back inside the hospital.

He needed to be on his own.

He wasn't in the best place and he didn't know what to do with himself.

As much as he appreciated that Imani was trying to be there for him, he needed alone time.

When he heard the news at first, he had thought his mind was playing tricks on him. But the more he played the voice message, the realer his nightmare became. He didn't want to believe that his mother was gone.

It seemed like just yesterday she was telling him that she would be standing right next to him the day he finally showed everyone his beautiful artwork.

Now she would never be there for that to happen.

Vincent felt as if he should've prepared for this day. He had known that this day would come since he was eighteen. But he knew that at some point, he had kidded himself into thinking that she was never going to die.

Just like when he was a kid, he thought she was Superwoman.

She would never leave him, he had taught himself to believe. For she was the only person who actually cared about him and if she were to go, it would leave him with just Giovanni.

And now that Giovanni had his son, he would fade even further into the background than he already was.

Had he never turned his phone off he would've seen the calls.

Had he never been so engrossed with Imani, he would've had enough time to go and say goodbye.

Had he never left Lily-Ann's side the day he saw that she was getting worse then perhaps it wouldn't feel as bad as it did.


Imani pressed 'snooze' on her alarm clock the next afternoon as soon as it started to ring.

She hadn't slept at all.

She had been too busy wondering where Vincent was and whether or not he was safe.

When he didn't return after three hours, Marco had offered to drop her home.

She waited for him the whole morning. She needed to hear his voice. She had to make sure that he was okay.

She felt incredibly guilty. If he hadn't been wasting time with her, he would've seen the calls. That was her first thought when she turned her phone on and saw all the missed calls.

The guilt crashed down on top of her and made her feel sick.

Trying his phone one more time, she wasn't surprised to hear the familiar voicemail.

Imani still had to pick up Luke and yet the only thing that was on her mind was Vincent and how he was. She was extremely worried. More worried than she had expected to be.

So caught up in her thoughts, it took Imani a while to figure out that she was running late.

She hurriedly jumped in the shower, got ready and descended the stairs.

What she wasn't expecting to see as soon as she opened the door was her son standing at the doorstep, his hand poised to knock. But the face that shocked her and relieved her at the same time was of the person standing behind Luke.

"Vincent." Imani breathed as LJ hugged her. As she wrapped her arms around the little boy, she stared up at Vincent in concern.

"I hope you don't mind, I was passing by the school when they were being let out." He replied.

His voice was still very stoic, she noted, and his eyes were still blank. Emotionless.

Unreadable.

Imani stepped back to let them in when LJ let her go. "Mom, can I go on the Xbox?"

"Uh yeah." She said absently, still worried about the man that stood in front of her. "Only for an hour but then after that you have to do some homework."

Nodding vehemently, he ran up into the new games room that Vincent had had installed for him, leaving the two alone.

Much like the car journey, Imani didn't want to push Vincent into speaking. So she stood in front of him waiting until he finally turned his stare onto her.

"I have to go."

She raised her eyebrows in surprise. "Oh, where are you going?"

Instead of answering, he kissed her tenderly on the forehead after sighing. "I have some things to do."

The vague answers weren't doing anything to reassure her that he was okay. "Will you be-."

"I'll be fine, Imani." She nodded slowly, knowing that he was going to go no matter what she tried to do or say. Without another word, he left the house, leaving it the quietest it had been in a very long time.


Yet again, she couldn't sleep.

Although the rain was a comforting background noise, she couldn't shake the crippling worry she felt for Vincent and the sadness of Lily-Ann's death. Mixed with the guilt, all of that made for a very restless night.

Marco had arrived soon after Vincent had left and she shed tears for Lily-Ann. For the short period of time that she had known the woman, she had grown fond of her.

She had sat with Marco and told him her worries about Vincent. He had told her that although Vincent was more than likely going to want to be on his own, she was going to have to be there for him.

Imani could only imagine how Vincent was feeling. Since the beginning, she knew how much his mom meant to him.

She was his world.

Losing Terrence was a horrible experience for her so the thought of what Vincent was going through made her heart wrench.

Imani jolted when she felt a presence behind her and an arm slide around her waist. All fear dissipated as she realised who it was.

When had he returned?

His clothes were drenched, his hair was soaking and he was cold. She turned in his arms quickly. "Oh, baby you're freezing cold." She stated, pushing his jacket off his shoulders. His shoes were already off and she struggled as she tried to remove his t-shirt that was clinging to his skin.

She needed to get him warm. He was too cold for her liking.

Vincent let her cover him in blankets and he didn't complain when she embraced him, letting his head rest on her chest.

His bristled jaw tickled her skin as his teeth chattered.

"It's my fault."

The sound was so quiet that she had to strain her ears to hear him. She didn't reply. She knew he had to get some of it out before she could say anything.

"I should have been there with her, making sure she got help whenever she needed it." He continued. "The one time I turn my phone off, this happens."

Feeling his body warming up, she stopped rubbing his back. "I'm sorry." Her eyes began to form tears as she felt the familiar lump in her throat.

"It's not your fault. Don't ever think that it's your fault." He said firmly. "It was all mine. I shouldn't have put myself and what I wanted first, I should've been at the hospital. When we left her that day, I knew that something was wrong." Vincent spoke in reference to the day her nausea started. Imani remembered how concerned he was and how he tried to hide the fear he felt. "I should have stayed with her."

Imani knew that when she felt a wetness on her chest, it wasn't her tears.

As Vincent let his tears fall silently whilst she held him, Imani shut her eyes and did something she hadn't done in a while. She prayed.

And as her words ended, his tears stopped, his altered breathing letting her know he had succumbed to sleep.

"I promise you it will get better." She whispered to him, stroking his hair and kissing him softly before trying to fall asleep herself.



Thankfully this time, she did fall asleep and she blamed that on the fact that Vincent was there. His presence gave her no reason to fear for his safety.

What she wasn't expecting was to not feel that presence when she woke up the next morning to prepare breakfast.

He was nowhere to be found.

She didn't have to look around the house to know that he had left again.

She felt the quietness. And despite what she wanted, deep down she knew that this was an atmosphere she would have to get used to.