Success is achieved in many ways. Some see it in academics and some see it in sports; the variety is insane. You can reach for your goals as long as you believe in yourself. There will always be people who doubt you and hope for you to fail. But, it's your goal to believe in yourself and overcome any circumstances. The hardest challenge in life is to beat the haters and rise above. As Emily Dickinson would say "It's all in self-reliance; if you're determined don't let the little ants stop you."
Harvard is a big dream and not many can reach that dream. I was practically giving it my all. I knew there was a chance I could fail and lose everything however there was also a chance I can rise above and achieved everything I ever wanted. AP Calculus you truly will be the death of me; the one class I struggled through the whole year and still manged to pull that 98. Since it was an AP course the grades were raised and I still maintained my 4.0 GPA. It's extremely crazy to even consider myself a student at Harvard. I wasn't brain smart; I was just academically successful. I love the power of learning and I love the power you have when you received an education.
As you may know; I'm part Italian and my Nonna came out from Italy to spend a bit of quality time with my family. It was enjoyable and very delicious. I remember the endless amount of Carbs I ate cause of the pasta. No one does pasta like my Nonna. She could cook anything for some simple spaghetti. I use to see six different plates of pasta from just one box of spaghetti. She was a talented women and now, I knew where my mom's creativity for pasta came from. One box could feed a whole family of 10. She soon became very ill and that's when it came to the conclusion on why she came out. She wanted to spend time with her family before her time came. She lived a great long life and she died very happy. That's when I fell into pieces. My Nonna was everything and much much more. She gave me the idea that beauty is knowledge. She was very intelligent and she was one of my biggest role models.
That's when Kurk and I's relationship started to drift. When I'm upset I try to avoid the people I care about most because, well I don't want them to see me in such a state. So, I started to Skype people who just helped me get my mind off things. I just wanted to avoid the feeling of pain because I knew I was unstable. I seriously at the time wanted to die. It was suicidal state and I knew I needed to be around people constantly. I have way to much self respect to even consider ending my life because I knew there was light at the end of the tunnel.
No matter how hard the situation can get; your life will always get better. No one will experience pain forever. Think of it like this; the hardships are the lowest it gets, each day will bring good until all the pain is gone. Like the quote "We all want happiness, nobody wants pain, but you can't have a rainbow without any pain." Remember the next time you feel like its all over and your life becomes too hard; there will always be a brighter end to the dark sides.
Anyways moving away from that motivational speech; I ended talking to a bunch of people in group calls to avoid any thought of pain. I ended up pretending I was okay to a lot of friends. It was bad for myself; I finally came to the conclusion, I'm a person who needs to express her emotions rather then keeping it all to myself. I was hurting not only me but Kurk and all my other friends. Gosh, I was extremely stubborn. Kurk isn't a bad person; he actually is a really kind person. I was the one who was hurting him without any realization and now? I really regret not just expressing how I felt. Well, I guess you guys can assume we ended up breaking up.
I surly want to have my Nonna back and have one more plate of amazing pasta but now she's riding the clouds and flying up in heaven with God. Overcoming this was different from overcoming the death of Lindsey. It was happiness that now Nonna fulfilled her life dreams and lived the best 83 years of her life. Lindsey was taken way to early and she never got to live up to her passions and dreams.
It was a hard state but I came through. I finally was out the clouds and now I was on ride towards an amazing future. I guess I dealt with a lot and now I hope for the better life. I enriched myself with only good and left behind all the drama and became carefree. I connected with the people that actually mattered and played a role in my life. I left behind the server and decided PDR was going to receive back their favorite party animal. Ah, things were looking swell. I ended up deciding I wanted to graduate the year I was originally suppose to graduate in, and focus on just enjoying school.
Crazy to think all this happen just a couple of months back. Insane to even think I went through so much and I'm still me. It's been a transformation. Went from a shy, scared and sad girl to a confident, carefree and cheerful teenager. I never made the mistakes teenagers were expected to make; I grew up faster then many. Though my mind is like a perverted seven year old; my soul is old and wise. I knew what was right and wrong and how I should be treated as a lady. My parents treated me like a Queen all my life what makes you think I'm going to let anyone treat me any less?
Life is a emotional rollarcoaster. As the ride turns you upside down you will go around and finally run smooth. Remember that as long as you're determined no one should be able to stop you. As long as you give it a fight then you will receive a very happy ending.
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The Journey... (A true Story)
Non-Fiction"I can't do this anymore; I just can't!" A line said in almost every individual's life. We all at one stage in our life dealt with such pain; where dying is easier then living. But, it's all a rollarcoaster that we have to fight through. I was once...
