Inside Job

 January 23: 10 days after...

When you watch a horror movie, there s always so much blood. It pours from the wound and coats the floor and pools and splashes and it seems so ridiculous. You think, 'theres no way that there is that much blood! Theres no way that it got that far away from the body.'

It can.

It does.

 I don't remember much really, of that day. It seems like this weird hazy dream. I get bits and pieces. I mean, it all sounded like some big joke. One of those stupid actions flicks you see on t.v, where in your head your thinking, no 15 year old girl could do that. She couldn't possibly save a bunch of her friends. She''s not really a hero.

Am I a hero then?

Most of them weren't even my friends. I hated half of the kids in their. Well no, i didn't really hate them, but its just high school. Stupid cheerleaders and rude jocks, and a bunch of dumbass stoners. In fact, my story isn't really and action hero story, where the girl saves her friends  and jumps in front of a bullet.

Like i said, i dont really remember.

My mom came in a few minutes ago. She was crying and sobbing, calling me her baby like she did when i was five and actully knew me.

She doesn't.

My dads dead. I don't have any family except her and brother. I used to think my dad was just on vacation.

He's not.

" Kinlsey?" my brother, Adrian, looked inside my hospital room worriedly. I gave him my best smile. He nodded his head, and opened his mouth as if to say something, but he just looked... paine and walked out.

I wonder if he wishes he could have protected me.

I sih and switch on the t.v.

"25 dead at Orfield High School, countless wounded,and all the work of group of armed gunmen, reportedly given acess to the school by Kale Green, a junior at the time and- "

I gasped soundlessly and shut off the t.v, hot angry words building in my throat which i swallowed back down to where they belonged, deep inside. All these words had to come out eventully, i just hoped they wouldn't.

When you fill up a garbage bag to it's breaking point, and then stuff more crap inside, its bound to explode.

Sometimes, it's hard to tell what that set off will be. I didn't know Kale had reached his.

I didn't know when i would reach mine.