I swear this is what I want. {BoyXBoy}

Chapter 8

DEREK'S P.O.V

"I'll be upstairs mom..." I whispered, my intentions clear and set in my head.

"Okay sweetie... Try and get some rest okay?" She said and looked right in my eyes. I nodded and walked upstairs slowly. I walked into my moms room quietly and grabbed one of her compact mirrors. One she would never miss. I walked into the bathroom and started the water, plugging the drain so the tub would fill. As it did so, I opened the compact and looked at my puffy face. I cringed.

"No wonder James doesn't love you... You ugly piece of shit." I mumbled and broke the top mirror. I picked out one of the shards and stopped the water. I stripped out of my clothes and lowered myself into the water.

I sat there for a while... Letting the water turn lukewarm. I placed the glass over my arm, pressing in gently. The glass felt cold and I pressed in harder. I saw my blood start to trickle down my arm. I slashed down my arm, hard and quick. The gash was long and deep and my blood poured out. I dipped my finger in it and wrote on the wall next to me.

'Maybe now you'll love me James, maybe now you'll love me.'

I watched as my blood poured out into the tub, getting weaker and weaker by the second. My eyes drooped as I grew faint. I couldn't hold myself up anymore. I slid down into the water and looked at the ce iling, the water red. I closed my eyes as I felt the life leave me.

"Goodbye James... I love you." I mumbled into the water with my last breath.

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JAMES' P.O.V

I woke up to the sound of my phone going off. I looked at it to see Derek's mom was calling me. I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and picked up the phone.

"Hello?" I mumbled groggily.

"James..." she choked out. I instantly sat up, ignoring the pain in my torso, fear hitting me.

"Yeah?" I whispered.

"It's... It's Derek... He.." she stopped to collect herself.

"What is it?" I asked quietly, feeling the worry unwantingly build up in my stomach.

"He... He... He slit his wrists... He left a message for you on the wall... Please.. Just come over.." She sobbed and her end went dead. I got up and pulled on my pajama pants that laid next to my bed. I ran downstairs, grabbed my keys, and dashed to my car. I started it and drove quickly to his house. I felt tears in my eyes even though I was more pissed off than upset.

"Selfish prick." I mumbled and pulled into his driveway. I dashed into the house and up to the bathroom. Memories flooded my head as I did this and I fought to push them back.

"Mrs. J! I'm here, what did you me-" I stopped when I walked into the bathroom to see him laying in the bath tub, looking like he was laying in a bath of blood rather than water.

"Oh, God..." I leaned against the wall and stared at the figure in the tub. His eyes were open and I noticed the gash going down his arm. I cringed and looked at the wall. My eyes widened as I read it.

'Maybe now you'll love me James, maybe now you'll love me'

I felt myself gag as I almost puked.

What did I do...? This is all my fault. I slid down the wall and covered my face in my hands.

"James..." His mom mumbled and leaned in front of me. I shoved her back and ran back out to my car, unable to be in there anymore.

I got in and started it as she ran outside. I looked at here, afraid, guilty, and ashamed. I shook my head and peeled out of the driveway. I drove to the nearest bridge and pulled onto the shoulder. I leaned over the railing and puked. I pulled my hair out of my face than looked down at the water. I sighed and leaned further over it.

The wind blew in my face as my heart beat raced.

I'm sorry Derek...

I leaned forward more and closed my eyes and felt myself lift off the ground slightly. I leaned back slightly but kept my eyes closed.

"I never should have blamed you. I swear that was what I wanted... Now it's too late. I loved you Derek... And I always will. I'm sorry... Soon we'll be together again... Forever." I leaned forward again and felt myself fall forward completely. I felt the air rushing past me and felt my heart getting ready to give out as I plumeted towards the water. I opened my eyes as I was about to hit, my heart finally giving out.

'Forever...'

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You probably hate me....