Daughter 4254

Chapter 10

The first night in my new cell I dreamt of my first day at the Secondary School. Probably, in part, because of the noise. The din from earlier in the day settled when the lights went down but only in part. It carried over to my dream where I was being pushed and tussled down the halls and was unable to find my first classroom. The sounds were strange and it seemed like the hallway went on and on forever.

The real experience of my first day of school was much the same. I’d never been to a place so large and so full of talking. In Basic School we were not allowed to speak to each other in the hallways and rarely in class. Here everyone was talking to someone. There was a general air of excitement and it helped to lift my spirits.

The train ride there was tense and somewhat terrifying. Although I often dreamt of, and even tried to leave my community on foot, I’d never actually gotten much farther than the woods and fields. I had never in my life been to the next community over or ridden on a train. I’d never even seen a train. It was large and sleek and white, small square pods all lined up on a track with wheels, not at all like the municipal vehicles we used for farming or transporting goods.

 My father hadn’t spoken at all as we rose early and started on our long journey to the train depot. If my brother had been awake that early he didn’t bother to leave his quarters, much less see me off. I wanted to say goodbye to my father as I gingerly stepped onto the first car, but I didn’t know what to say. I search his face trying to decide what he might want to hear from me. He showed none of the emotion he felt on the day I received my letter. Finally he spoke first, his voice stern.

“Daughter 4254, do not forget you are only going on probation. You can no longer act like a child. If you want to live a life beyond the fields and sewers you must learn the rules... and obey them.” He added the last bit as an afterthought, like it could have been possible that I might know the rules but delight in breaking them. I nodded my head solemnly and on instinct reached my hand out to him. He looked at it for a moment as if he didn’t understand then placed both of his large, callused palms around it, engulfing it completely. He nodded his head, did not look up, released my hand and then turned to leave. People were pushing past me to get on the train but I didn’t move as I watched him walk away. I thought I saw him wipe at his face, but I was probably wrong.

My mother’s face came to me then. I wondered how she would react if she were here. I thought of her desperate voice on her last day alive. Would she have been so outward here? In public? Would she have embraced me? I longed for her arms just then.

Finally he was out of site and I turned to climb the steps and find a seat inside. An announcement cautioned us to prepare for departure and suddenly we were jolted forward. I was thrown back into my seat and I understood why they warned us. Soon we passed a train heading in the opposite direction a stones throw away. It reminded me of watching the water shoot down the rows in the field. No where to go but straight ahead. I felt like I was being hurled at the future... my destiny. I prayed that I wouldn’t make a mistake. Not this time. I would bury my strong feelings. I would hide my tears and I would obey the rules. I was resolved to be the model student. I had been given a chance to make my mother’s dying wish come true and I was not going to let her down. She believed I was strong. I was going to show her, or them, or whoever was watching - my brother on an Auto Eye most likely - that I was stronger than all of them. I would play their game and keep all of my precious things to myself until the time was right, and then I would know what to do with them.

After about an hour the train stop directly behind the Secondary School. I filed off the train with most of the other passengers carrying a small bag of my things and a list of places I needed to check in. The main office, the dormitories, the eatery and the library for books. My first year classes were going to be Mathematics 451, Government (I was not thrilled about this one), Technology and Advanced Flora and Fauna. There were also electives available. I could choose from any number of classes offered to first year students. They mostly sounded dry and uninteresting, but one stood out to me. History of Western Civilization. I had no idea what that meant, but the professor was listed as 789. My heart skipped a beat when I read that. How could she think I would ever forget? I desperately longed for a connection to my mother. I didn’t care if he was teaching Advanced Methods of Discipline, I was going to be in his class.

Inside the massive front doors the halls were teaming with chattering people, like a hive in full springtime production. I gingerly made my way through the noisy groups of students. It was easy to see that I was definitely not of the same station as most of the other students. My clothing was grossly worn and obviously spotted with evidence of working outside on my knees in the dirt. My hair was different too. Long, black and loose, I let it lay down my back in carefully brushed strands. Most of the other students were topped with golden hair and the girls almost all had it tied back in intricate braids and twists. Some of the boys had their hair shorn to their very scalps, making it almost impossible to tell what color it was.

At one point I saw an older girl looking at me deliberately. Her back was turned to me but her torso was twisted and her head was cocked to the side for a better view. The crowds forced me to pass close to her group and as I did so she leaned back and hit me hard with her shoulder, knocking me into a group of boys.

“Hey!” I said catching myself and clutching my precious list of instructions.

She rolled her eyes and smiled wickedly at her group of friends as I struggled to regain balance. The boys all jumped out of the way like I was disease ridden. When I looked back at my attacker I noticed that she didn’t quite fit with the group that surrounded her. Her hair was dark like mine, not gold like the rest of the girls. I decided to ignore the whole incident. At home I would have had no qualms about dropping my things and shoving her right back. Here, things were different. I was a different person. I took a deep breath and continued on as if nothing happened. As I walked away I could feel her eyes on my back again.

I reached the office and waited in line to turn in my paperwork. The head leader there checked me off of the arrival lists and then handed me a new stack of papers that I was to keep in a safe place.

“What elective course have you chosen?” She asked in a brisk tone, obviously bored from repeating these steps so many times today.

“History of Western Civilization with Professor 789.” I added the Professor bit just to be sure she didn’t accidentally put me in another class of the same title on accident. There was only one reason I was interested in Western Civilizations and it had nothing to do with Western Civilizations.

For a heartbeat I was afraid she would deny my request. She paused over the input screen then punched a few buttons and flipped to something else.

“Your all set then for classes.” She croaked. I breathed deeply, steadying my nerves. I couldn’t believe how easy this all was.

Before I left she issued me an identification card to wear around my neck at all times. It provided access to the classrooms and dormitories, but only to the areas where I was allowed access.

“It is not necessary to go anywhere you are not assigned.” I could tell she’d given this speach countless times before me. She didn’t looke at me once while she shuffled around her desk. Finally she glanced up as she handed me the card and her eyes got wide. She stood up and looked over the edge of the desk at the rest of me and then turned to a drawer and pulled out a new piece of paper.

“Go here first.” It was a command. “If you ever expect to do anything here the first thing you have to do is BATHE.”

I was stung. I bathed the night before. But I quickly remembered my resolve not to show them my real feelings. I thanked her, took the paper and left. It was a map to a room called The Lavatory with a list of personal items at the bottom and an official looking stamp.

I reached the door and found another desk with another female leader sitting behind it. She held out her hand without greeting and I gave her the paper. She looked it over then looked at me.

“Right then.” Her voice had a funny lilt to it. “You go sit in room 12.” She pointed down the hallway to a series of doors. “Oh, and leave your belongin’s here. I’ll be watchin ‘em for ya.”

I set my bag down on the floor by her desk and headed for room 12. It was small with a drain in the floor and a reader screen on one wall. The door shut and locked behind me. I began to feel a bit panicked. It was almost like our bathing room at home, only it was bigger, darker and looked a lot more sophisticated. An electronic voice came over a speaker somewhere in the ceiling.

“Take off your clothes and shoes. Deposit them in the shoot next to the door.” I heard a click, followed by a whir and one of the tiles on the wall slid down revealing a black hole. I was reluctant to, but knew this was the first of many uncomfortable situations I’d have to get used to. I had to learn to do everything I was told exactly as I was told - without fighting.

The newly exposed hole was a bit scary; big enough for me to climb into if need be. But heaven only knows where it lead to. I slid everything off, even my shoes and dropped them into the wall. I stood there naked and a bit cold for much longer than I’d wanted to when suddenly more holes opened up above me and steaming jets of hot water began to pour down. Soaking me instantly from head to foot. There were even jets in the floor. It was difficult to find any air to breath in the deluge. Just as suddenly, after only a minute, they stopped. In place of the water, thick foaming soap began to shoot at me with the same force as my train it felt. I was sure I would be bruised from  head to foot when this was done. It felt like the small rocks the children at school had thrown at me one day for saying something wrong. Quickly as they started, the suds changed to water and I was rinsed.
Once the water shut off I bent in half, hands on my knees and gasped for air. But large squares, much like the shoot for my clothing, opened up on each side of me and a sudden burst of hot air shot out from all directions baking and drying my skin till I was sure it would feel like the earth after a dry summer. When that was done, my hair a mess and my eyes dry and aching, yet another set of smaller windows opened spraying me with a fine mist. It smelled strongly of something I could not place. But as it touched my skin I could tell it was some sort of oil. I rubbed my arm and found the moisture relieved the taught dryness without being too wet or greasy.

These steps all took less than five minutes. At the end a tray slid out from a window in the back of the room. On it was a new smock, shoes and under clothes of the same fine quality the other students were wearing. The mechanical voice echoed out again:

“Please dress and see the attendant.”

I did so, grateful to be covered. Soon the door clicked open and I walked out. A woman was waiting for me, a slight smirk on her face. I’m sure she was amused by my hair. It was standing out at all angles, wild and completely ruined.

She motioned for me to follow her to a room farther down the hallway. Once there she sat me in a chair and pulled out a cart of tools. She began to brush and straighten out the mess on top of my head. Then she plaited and twisted it up like the other girls I’d seen in the hallways. She didn’t say a word the entire time. I longed to ask her questions about the school, her job, it was all so foreign, so interesting. But I knew better than to talk until I was spoken to. Unnecessary chatter was frowned upon. Which lead me to wonder why the hallways were so loud and unmanaged.

When her deft fingers finished in record time, she held up a mirror. I was startled by the reflection. My skin was glowing and rosy, my hair looked wonderful up and out of my face. I felt like a whole new person. I beamed at the reflection then looked past myself in the mirror to her face. She was smiling as well but quickly looked away when she met my gaze. I realized that my excitement could be construed as vanity and I’d hate to be turned in on my first day. I made myself serious and put the mirror on her cart of tools. She motioned for me to follow her out of the room.

I collected my things. The girl at the desk nodded with approval. “Much better!” She cried. “You’re going to fit right in now!”

“Thank you.” I smiled gratefully and pulled out my next map. There were still several things to do and my time for the day was dwindling quickly. I took a deep breath and pushed back out into the hall feeling like I almost belonged.