Detriment

1. you are my sunshine

"I love you.."

     My dark grey eyes focused into piercing eccentric green ones hovering above me. All my life I was told that the eyes were the key to the soul and the adage couldn't have seemed so correct at the moment. Except, I didn't want him to see into my soul. Why wouldn't I want my boyfriend's eyes on me though?

      Ha! Boyfriend. If that wasn't the joke of the century, I didn't know what was. I remember when the title used to give me butterflies in my stomach and cause my heart to beat twice as fast. Now it just made me cringe and question why I even stayed.

      A hand wrapped around my throat, adding enough pressure to make my breathing strained and uncomfortable. Oh. Right. This is why I stayed. The endless abuse had chained up any thoughts of escaping into the deepest abyss of my brain. Although, sometimes, they would sporadically break free, weighing on my mind until he had beat me into dismembering the mere thought and snapping me back into submission. Honestly, it was an endless cycle that raged on constantly.

     My eyes scanned over the other's, recognizing the well-known anger that appeared so prominent in them. It caused unwanted fear to wash over me, forcing me to cave in and letting out the words that he, no doubtingly, wanted to hear.

     "I-I love you t-too."

     The sentence had used up the last of my oxygen, leaving my lungs void of the necessity, and yet, Cameron didn't release my neck. If anything, he had tightened his grip, causing the lost to start affecting my body in a matter of seconds.

     Desperately, I tried to claw at his arms, black splotches appearing behind my eyes. Before long, my focus slowly became disoriented. My body wouldn't be able to handle this any much longer.

     I couldn't comprehend it. Even after I had said the words that Cameron wanted to hear, why on earth was he still punishing me? I didn't get why he was doing this when I had caved in and complied to what he wanted.

     "Answer my question without hesitation next time you ungrateful, insufferable bitch." Cameron spat, letting my neck go but not before back handing me hard. It would defiantly leave a bruise, but I had a feeling that he wouldn't care. He would never get caught or punished for it anyway, so he freely did as he pleased without any worries. This was my fault.

     I was too scared to tell anyone about the abuse and Cameron realized this. No matter the hell that he put me through, he knew that I would never open up to another individual, too afraid of judgement and rejection. It was from my own fears and insecurities that I felt as if everyone would criticize me.

     A gasp harshly passed my lips, my throat burning but my lungs getting the relief of air it desperately needed. This wasn't new. I have become so accustomed to his assaults that one would think that it didn't scare me anymore. That I had grown used to the pain. The truth? I'm still as terrified of his anger as I had been the very first time. Then there was the pain that made bile burn my throat. Never in a million years, would I get over it.

     "C-Cameron. I need to get to my rehearsal." My voice came out in an almost inaudible whisper, not wanting to piss him off again.

     "Well you'll just have to be late."

Fuck

     I couldn't be late, not anymore. This would be the second week that Cameron affected my punctuality and it honestly took a toll on my career. Even as I thought this, I asked myself; did I even have a choice. I already knew the answer.